Chuck Norris Facts.

Ok I think this thread needed to be made, lots of them are funny as hell, but also totally lame at the same time.

Alright I'll post a few, and if you want you can post some more:

There is no theory of evolution, only the animals that Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is in hiding.

When the boogeyman goes home at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he's never cryed.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than death can process them.

Chuck Norris' Calender goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have to live.

 

No one can kill Chuck Norris, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris removes all who threaten him. Does that mean he has to kill himself? woah, trippy.

 

Superman has a set of Chuck Norris pajamas.

 

Oldddd.

 

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

When Chuck Norris does a push up he isn't lifting himself up, he is pushing the Earth down

Cuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris can't get frost bite, he bites frost.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris can defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

 

the devil sold his soul to chuck norris

 

Actually... It went more like this:

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

 

Chuck Norris does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

chuck norris hates huskies....

 

the one i posted i made up nolimit

 

here's one
Chuck Norris is extremely overrated and a horrible actor.

 

werd.. he should have followed in the shoes of his buddy from that movie Side Kicks and hung himself

 

Thats exactly why these are funny, old as hell yes, but the sheer exageration and how completely blown out of proportion this new internet fame is, is humorous in itself.

EDIT: Wow, what a waste of 2000th post.

 

yea..they are old..but this one always makes me smile for some reason...

chuck norris asked for a big mac at burger king once..and he got it

 

they maked a dildo to give people the chuck norris experience but they could not sell it because it was a steal pole on a jack hammer

 

Oh well...

ADD is not a disease. It's just impossible to focus when you know that Chuck Norris could strike at any moment.

There is no such thing as wind. Only the breeze generated from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking someone in the face.

 

chuck norris is a dumbass

 

"chuck norris is a dumbass"


chuck norris is a golden god and will haunt you in your sleep tonight.

 

fuck chuck

 

we all know that chuck norris is just an overrated actor, but really does that make the jokes any less funny?
i think i tmakes them more funny in fact