Concerns and Fears *getting really close*

So, I'm almost 36 weeks along and I'm getting some really big fears and thoughts running through my head.

First of all, my midwife told me she wasn't comfortable in delivering my baby at home, so she referred me to the University of Washington Medical Center's midwifes. Needless to say, I'm crushed. I did everything right. I don't have outrageous swelling, no high blood pressure, normal glucose levels, baby's active and head down. Her reasoning is that her doppler isn't strong enough to keep baby's heartbeat and I'm too big for her to properly feel the baby. So I'll live with this, and it gives me a goal for next birth, but I'm so worried because I haven't spent my pregnancy preparing myself for a planned hospital birth. So I'm scared I'll want drugs (knowing they are readily available), that I'll freak out because I truly don't like hospitals, that they'll just schedule me for a c-section that I don't think I could ever recover from. And when I mean recover, I mean that I'm a big girl and so I have skin folds and I'm really afraid that I'll end up with some sort of infection because of a c-section. I'm trying to remain positive about the birth and everything despite the surroundings but I just can't help this irrational feeling that a hospital birth will be BAD for me and baby, that if my instincts upon entering the hospital for the birth tell me to, I should just come home and do this myself. No one would support me in that decision, but there is so much descrimination against big mommas that I'm just horrified at what I might face from medical staff.

And then, besides that, my mom might not make it out in May because her job's having a hiring freeze and they are extremely short-staffed. So they aren't guaranteeing her her time off and I'm really worried about not having my momma-support with me. And no one in Brian's family is going to be all that helpful. Most are old and needing help themselves. It's been left up to the young and able to take care of them, so I feel like I'm going to be going it alone.

Frankly, I'm just scared as all hell about all of this. Nothing's going right. And as prepared as I tried to make myself, there's so much happening that I didn't plan for and didn't expect.

I'm needing some support from you mommas, I think. I'm just swamped in emotion and I don't quite know how to handle it all. There's just not seeming to be a silver lining in any of this, except for the baby. And even when it comes to baby, I'm scared that we won't breastfeed, or something will be wrong with her because my horrible lacking-of-eating habits throughout this pregnancy and all of the stress I've been dealing with.

ARGH!

 

get yourself a doula!! It's never too late to start planning (it's never too late to find a different care provider, either). That was my mistake with the birth of my first child, I didn't make plans for what if something went wrong, and when things did go terribly upside down, I wasn't prepared or able to deal with them. You'll be okay! The worst thing you can do is panic. ((((hugs))))

 

I can tell you nothing in life is simple as makin a plan.Things like birth are unpredictable and you never know how you feel when your in the thick of it.I had planned on ahospital birth but with as little interference as possible, no drugs,episiotomy etc.BUT...I was induced for one because I had developed a HORRIBLE rash from her being over due like 2 weeks all over my breasts and stomach it was painful.I sat in labor for 12hours and NOONE can describe acurately the pain of labor but some women deal better than others.I could not physically handle it any more it was 12hrs and i had only dialated 2 morecms I came in dialated 2cms I opted for a epidural It made it easier to concentrate on what i was doing.BUT drugs are not for everyone you have to figure also there were alot more deaths in childbirth back before hospitals and medicine I understand your views but you also have to concider the best things to ensure the health of your baby not just being stubborn.

 

awww, this sucks.
All that I can really say, is that birth, though you can plan it the best you can, sometimes takes unexpected turns.
Try to focous on writing a birth plan for the hospital so that things go as close to what you wanted as possible.
Since you're so close, don't dwell too much on not being able to have a home birth (I know it's hard to change something after you've been focousing on it for 8 months), just start to think about the things that you want to happen in the hospital.
I understand how devistating it can be to have everything change this late in....when I was about 35-36 weeks, my doctor told me that the baby was probably too big and I would be too small to push her out (i'm 5'2, and have a narrow pelvis), so he was saying there was an 80% chance of a c-section. I had not planned for that at all (except for if she were in grave danger), and i was quite depressed for a while. I was able to push her out, but i had to keep telling him over and over i didn't want a section.
I hope that your mom is able to make it. Is there anyone else at all who could help if not?
as for bfing, though it can be hard, most moms are able to do it after a little guidance. just be determinded to get it right, and you and your little one will most likely catch on well.
I hope that things start to look up for you. REst and try not to get too stressed out.It's cliche, but you'll be glad you did later.

 

Well, honey, find another midwife with a better doppler! A crappy doppler and a fluffy mama are poor excuses, in my book. Are you in Washington State? There's midwives all over the place!

http://www.washingtonmidwives.org/directory/index.shtml

 

Can I just say that's really fucked up and FLAKY about your MW dropping you. I hope you get every penny back for your prenatle care, she doesn't deserve it.

Find another HB midwife, there's pleanty out there who would be HAPPY to take you on. Make sure to tell them WHY you need to find a new MW.

((hugs)) If you're desire is there, you'll find a nice HB midwife and have a WONDERFUL birth!

 

Thanks, Brighid! I've emailed every midwife in the seattle metro area with my case info asking for their opinions. I'm hoping I'll find one that will trust ME as well as themselves.

 

Brian seemed to sort of agree with her..."It's not just the weight, it's your build."

But the way I see it, it's possible. She just has to trust me and herself a bit more. It's not like I've been a horrible momma. I've proved that I'm not just some slobby fat chick. I'm HEALTHY despite the weight and I never thought she pressed hard enough to find anything.

 

I think it's pretty normal to be scared about these things. I mean, look at the change that is going to happen in your life! A wonderful change, but a change all the same...and that alone can be scary.

Find another MW and just know that everything will turn out how it's supposed to!

Good luck!

 

yeah, if you can find another midwife, that's awsome. If there's still a way that you can hsve your homebirth, go for it! Hope you have some good luck finding a better midwife!

 

sorry, double post

 

sorry, double post again...stupid computer

 

Actually, the infant and maternal mortality and morbidity rates increased significantly when births were moved into hospitals. The reduction in the number of deaths have more to do with learning how to wash hands than machines that go ping.

 

heya there!

you probably don't know me but I was very excited when I read about your having a baby and am happy to hear that everything in terms of health and stuff has been going along and you have come so far. You are a strong sounding lady and you don't need me to say that but given that I figure that whatever comes at you in the fast unpredictable and changing world of pregnancy and childbirth you will do just great with it all!
America and Australia are a whole different world when it comes to rules and regulations and such however I can honestly say based on loads of different stories from lotsa different mothers about their various childbirth plans and eventual experiences no matter which way things eventually went they all came out of it at the other end healthy and happy.
take care and be happy and loads of loving to you and your little one and partner
stephanie

 

not I, not with the birth of my first daughter. I came out of it depressed, traumatized, and eventually needed to have another surgery to correct the very painful damage caused by the cesarean. My baby came out too early, and in much distress from the medications that were given to me. She was unable to nurse, she couldn't even suck hard enough to finish a bottle of milk in less than an hour. She was severely jaundiced and dehydrated and had to be rehospitalized. Childbirth does not always end happily ever after. Sometimes it really sucks.

But there are things I could have done to make it better, had I known the reality of the horrors I faced in the hospital. Had I only taken seriously the possibility that things would not go as I hoped they would, and if I had only made plans for all those what-ifs. Not saying things would follow my plans even if I had made any. But having planned for those things, I would have been much more prepared and able to handle them happening to me. As it was, I had stuck my head in the sand because those things weren't going to happen to me. I had not prepared myself for the possibility that became very real, and my choices were taken from me. If I had been prepared, I would have been aware of what my choices were, rather than relying upon a doctor I did not trust to make those decisions for me.

 

I wish you luck in finding the proper HB midwife. But just in case you still end up in hospitals, try to find the right one in advance. There are many hospitals, some are more natural oriented, others not at all.

Here, a lot of hospitals stopped having Operation-Room Style-birthrooms, they are a lot more comfortable, warmer ones, and women are able to labour in the positions they like. And make a birth plan, in case you end up there. Better to plan all* eventualities.

Still, I strongly believe that you will find your midwife!

*to plan all is probably impossible, but....

 

I so agree with what you are saying because although I had a trouble free cesarean the after effects and such were full on and no one even though having been through such experiences apart from the doctors and stuff were able to prepare me for that, in fact get some good mates and if your mother can't make it find someone who is informed and good and who can give good support....anyhow...due to my pregnancy being such a mess up though I think I was mentally and emotionally in a place to deal with whatever happened and I know that the woman I heard from were not and were shocked and frightened and many other adjectives to do with those emotions at dealing with a birth that turned out so radically different from how they had envisaged it.
I think that what you said about plans for all situations is so important!

 

mmmm.....I think I meant to say the last line there and the rest just got lost in my brain on the way!!
:&

 

Well, to be fair and level-headed, I'm going to see the Hospital midwives as planned on Tuesday afternoon. I'm going to explain my fears, worries, and my reasoning for thinking that I still deserve a homebirth despite the concerns of one midwife.

I then have an appointment with another midwife that I emailed yesterday. She shares my same concerns about recovery from a possible c-section and the treatment of larger women during pregnancy and labour. She feels that the fluffy momma/weak doppler excuse was a bit flimsy. She's going to have a consult with me, try her doppler, and manipulating baby around. If she feels after the consultation that everything would be fine for a homebirth, I might just get what I feel baby and I both deserve. If she agrees with my previous midwife, I'll try one more midwife's opinion, and then just bite the bullet but practice my mantra of "NO MEDICAL CONSENT!!!"

I'm going to refuse, absolutely REFUSE, any sort of medical intervention unless they can prove to me beyond the shadow of a doubt that it's immediately necessary to help the health of myself and/or my child. But if they pull any flimsy crap with me, they'll get a momma bear on their hineys. This is MY birth. I'm not taking any crap.

*flexes arms*

Thanks for being so supportive, mommas. I'd just given up until you all threw your much-needed support behind me. I love you all. *hugs to everyone*

 

Gone with your bad self!


Good for you! I hope you like this midwife, and make sure you update us!