Depression is ruining my life and my marriage

My life is taking a turn for the worst recently. I'm drowning in my depression and it's ruining me and my marriage.

I don't even know where to begin. Two months ago my dog died. I went off my medication. I did well other than grieving for my dog. Lately I just can't stop crying. I went back to my Doctor and we are going to try and get me back on track. In the meantime my husband and I are having troubles. I've been so up and down it's ridiculious.

Our sex life is suffering. Everytime we plan on having a date that night it never happens so recently I've started to be spontaneous and make advances before going to bed. I've been shot down 3 times.

Last night was the bomb. I heard excuses and told him not to insult my intelligence. I went to bed confused, hurt, and blaming myself because my depression is ruining my life. It's robbing me from so many things.

It's not his fault. I wouldn't want to love me either if I was the one standing on the other side. My mood swings are horrible.

I don't know what to do to find my way out this time.

 

A few bad things have happened to me too recently...I actually feel pretty down at the moment too, because of them.

I'll bet that your episode is related to going off of your medication, I know that there can be a pretty major withdrawal from those.

As far as your husband, well my wife has episodes of depression too, and mood swings, and when she gets bad with those its hard to feel close because you were getting yelled at 5 minutes earlier.

I'm sure that as you feel better, your relationship will also improve.

good luck,

 

Why do I have 5 stars for this thread?

 

Before I talk about this, one question: Is the passing of your dog the only root of your depression? Or does this stem from many life-long instances that have occurred? Knowing these things, I can share with you my long battle with depression and how I got through it.

 

Thank you seamonster.

I'm not yelling at him. In fact it's the opposite. I don't talk much at all because when I do talk I don't trust what it is I'm saying. Like reality and my thoughts are not the same.

My husband will sit there and he will talk talk talk and then get mad at me for not answering him or when I do it's not sufficient enough. I'm on the spot and I am defensive.

I have tried to change things around here as far as routine goes too. I'm in the house all day and all night. My days and nights are not much different. I hang out with my husband every single night. I don't have all that much to talk about and this drives him crazy. His needs are not being met.

 

heya...big hugs to you peanuts...I don't think I have written with you in the forums before but if I have please excuse my sozzled memory. I have read your posts before and you have always come across as a really reasonable non sorta depressed person...maybe I read them wrong but no matter what I think that you and your husband are obviously willing to sort stuff out and sure sometimes things may not be sparking between the twos of you but just come and post here whenever he says nope and I am sure you will find something to bide you by till he sorts his stuff out...and maybe something here will make you laugh and not feel so blue! Good luck and lotsa loving
maybe the meds weregood for the time being? did you go off them slowly...as in wean yourself off them? maybe you could try doing that to see if the impact is less?

 

I have had years of ups and downs. I've been hospitalized. I've been on several different medications. This most recent event kicked it all in again however to be fair, I was headed down this path anyway.

 

Thank you for your post. My battle with depression has gone on for years. My post that you have read in the past was me having a better healthier handle on it. Sometimes I lose my handle.

I understand why he said no. The fact that the reasoning is because of me and all my problems is what has me upset.

My dosage for the meds is so low that when I go off it I can't go any lower. I cut the pill in half and then half again. Any more and I'm taking dust.

 

Seamonster I'm sorry to hear your feeling down lately too.

Have you talked about it on here anywhere?

 

Take the dust!! Sounds like you are so close to coping with life without that maybe it is worth grinding them up and measuring it out using some scales or something....
I am sure his reasoning was just to do with wanting everything to be good and fine, not to do with you in any true personal sense, that combined with being a guy!!!
*runs from all the blokes coming to get me for that comment*
wish you could be here and I would drag you out for dinner and drinks and a cuddle! That cuddle beng me forcing your man to wrap his arms round your neck or else that is!

 

Quote: Seamonster I'm sorry to hear your feeling down lately too.
Have you talked about it on here anywhere?


Not really....

Mine is pretty traceable, bad things happening with my work, and then my bands drummer had a breakdown and just quit, days before several out of town shows......who knows what will happen with all of that now.

Just feel like running away to that tropical fishing village again

 

Thank you Stephanie. I could use a hug right now.

It seems like even though what I am taking is so low there is something, just enough of it to keep me up. Even when I am up though my sex life suffers. It's too frustrating to achieve the normal "peak" and it takes much longer. This is also interferring with things. When I go off the meds I can achieve my "peak" in about 3. 5 seconds but my mood swings sucks so bad that intimacy is still suffering.

I don't want to sound like a whiner. I just want to feel whole again.

 

Can I be your drummer?

I hear ya. I feel like running too. I'd like to run away from myself but I know I'll just keep following me.lol

 

Yea if you lived closer


I'm just heartbroken because everything I've worked so hard for has really crumbled these last few days...I have a physically bad feeling in my chest from it all.

Last night I drank a few beers and just stayed up all night drawing...it was the only thing I could really do to get my mind off of things. Maybe something like that could help you too, making something.

I would run away, but I would end up with just me and my credit card debt once again

maybe I don't need to run away, things are running away from me

 

Maybe there's something in the water. I've been feeling pretty crummy lately myself. My problem is a different one though. The weather has turned bad again, my kids have been sick, and we've been stuck inside for over a week. They're fighting, tormenting one another, they're all grouchy and fussy, I'm grouchy and fussy, and I want to cry!

I think another major contribution to my anxiety and depression right now is the time of year. This was the time of year two years ago where my health took a major downward spiral while pregnant with my twins, when a day after I gave birth to them, I ended up in the ICU clinging to life. I was really worked up this time of year last year too. It's like I relive what happened.

Anyway, I feel like I'm in a slump lately, and I hide it from my husband because I feel embarassed, so I put on an act like all is fine. Nobody in my family knows actually, except you guys here. There have been many times lately where I've had massive panic attacks right with my husband nearby, unsuspecting. Just the other day I had such a horrendous attack of anxiety that I thought I was going to pass out on the floor. I could barely breathe, my heart was skipping beats, I felt dizzy, like I was in a fog. I panicked and called my husband at work, but he figured I was upset because we had a storm coming. Well yes, I was a bit nevous about that (afterall, I am terrified of storms) but it was more than that, because once the storm let up, I still felt anxious. I've been obsessed that I'm going to have seizures again, but I haven't in two years now and I'm on Dilantin to prevent any possible ones from occuring, so I really shouldn't worry. Yet, I still get preoccupied from time to time with falling unconscious to another grand mal seizure while home alone with my children, especially with them in dangerous situations such as taking a bath, being outside, or being downstairs in the basement playing and then the twins trying to climb the steep flight of stairs by themselves. I've taught my oldest son to dial 911 so he knows what to do, but still. He's a baby himself, only 5 years old!

I had five grand mal seizures which knocked me unconscious within a short period of time and three TIA's (mini strokes) the day after I had my twins, which you might already know. The seizures were supposedly due to the severe complications I was having, but none-the-less, I am still diagnosed as an epileptic due to the amount of seizures I had within the time frame I did.

ANYWAY. This turned into a pity story about myself and I was meaning to comfort you. Sheesh!

The good thing is, you are seeking help. Things will get better for you I'm sure. Right now, you're suffering from depression and it can take a toll on every part of your life. But when you you start feeling better, more like yourself again, those things will improve.

It's going to be okay, you've just got to keep telling yourself that. Even on the worst days.

Much love and many hugs...

 

if you stay in the same place long enough things run away from ya then come back in the great big cycle of stuff!!


*steals one of seamonsters beers...depending if it is a decent one of course!!!*

and always remember no person is whole wihout a little bit of a whinger in them anyhow!!

 

Do you have any friends that know your music who could fill in for the guy that left?


What type of art do you like to draw? Do you like to go to art galleries? I love to look at art. We were just talking last nightabout maybe going to the gallery in Philadelphia. Ohhhh I would love that.

I'm not very good at drawing. In fact I really do not have many talents other than taking care of a home, yard, my children, and laundry. (as long as no ironing is involved)
When I need an outlet it's normally organizing or cleaning. If things around me are clean it makes me feel like my insides have more of a handle. It's crazy but so am I.

This afternoon my outlet will be mowing my lawn. I'll exhaust myself and probably pass out afterwards.

 

yeah i hear yeah... i'm running but i'm following one step behind..

 

As far as sex goes, those anti-despressants can totally screw with your libido. I was on a higher dose of Effexor XR over 6 months ago, and I went to a lower dose because I was having the hardest time having an orgasm, which really was out of character for me. I was becoming so frustrated that I had absolutely no desire for sex. None. Zero. Zip. Nada. I felt like I had no feeling "there", like I was numb, as though I had lost sensitivity. It was awful.

Now that I'm on the lower dose, I feel MUCH better, but the down side is that I've had more panic attacks since going to a lower dose. But I've tried many different meds and the Effexor has been the only one that has worked.

 

Hippychick I'm glad you posted. You can talk about whatever is on your mind any time. I will always listen.

I can feel your anxieties. I hear your worries and I can understand why you would be worried and concerned. Those are some very serious issues and having children on top of all that makes it even scarier because you don't want to put them at risk nor do you want them to see you like that.

Do you have any outlets just for you? I know you and your husband are very close which does help a lot. Does he understand your depression? Is he easy to talk to about it?

I tried telling myself a lil' while ago actually that this will pass but I couldn't grasp that feeling that it will. Today when I'm mowing my lawn I'll probably say it over and over till I'm screaming it at myself.

Never worry about sharing what's on your mind. I appreciate the fact that you are. Big hugs to you.