Depression(POEM)

I already posted this in The Stoners' Lounge, but I wanted to see what you guys thought. Any advice is appreciated.

This is a poem I wrote a few days ago about how I've been feeling recently, because me and my girlfriend may be breaking up and it's really fucking with me. I know this is a depressing topic for my first post after such a long time, but I just wanted to express how I've been feeling lately.

Let me tell you about pain
The kind that never ceases
No matter what you do
The heartache just increases
The hole gets deeper and deeper
Darkness takes control
The light fades away
And leaves a twisted soul
The future looks hopeless
Stained by the past
Nothing seems to matter
Because happiness doesn't last
Scars are on my heart
Chaos is in my mind
Heaven is just a myth
And peace is hard to find.

 

eh, too depressing for me


i'm depressed enough

 

A poem should be like a reflection in the mirror with the shower left on


Hotwater

 

Dude, Brian, what's up? I haven't heard from ya in forever, call me sometime. Sorry to hear things are goin shitty for ya though. Keep a chin up bro.

 

Is she breaking up with you for being such a terrible writer?

I hope she punches you for it too.

 

I wouldn't worry about artistic merit. Keep writing. It'll help you through. Good luck.

 

:cheers2:


+1

 

Nah, Brian's a better writer than anyone else here, you all are just blinded by the talent before you. Might wanna put on those raybans because its like looking into the sun.

 

thats just what people say to make other people feel better

 

Nah, that's when you pull out the inflatable sheep and rusty chainsaw.

 

desperate times do call for desperate measures

 

that has to be the most hackneyed thing I have ever read in my entire life. the other one that was posted in the Stoner's Lounge is possibly worse.
I like you Brian, but I'd say your talent lies more in the sphere of superhuman drug consumption than writing, because I don't think I could fit more banalities into a "poem" if I tried.

 

+1 to zen for using the word banal!

 

why thank you Amanda, though personally I was more proud of using the word "hackneyed".

 

Anything that rhymes with anal is worth points in my book.

 

it doesn't though. it's pronounced "ba-nail", not "baynal".

 

It just depends on how you choose to pronounce anal, my friend.

edit- To stay on topic, maybe topnotch should write a poem with the two words in it. To demonstrate what I mean.

 

sorry, i don't read poetry that doesn't involve a man from nantucket.

but here's a poem about how i feel recently:

i'm hungover
and i have the shits.

 

I'm pretty sure you stole that from Bukowski.