Do you Believe in...

I was just thinking about this question. Does anyone believe in unconditional love? To me it seems to be one of the rarest loves amongst human kind. I certainly believe that it is possible to love someone for who they are and for who they will always be. Should we really try to change a person, just because we do not feel that we are compadible with a certain charactistic. Or should we just accept the person and love them for everything they are(including their flaws.) So do you believe in unconditional love or do you believe in conditioning unconditional love? If you truly love someone do you condition them or train them so to speak?

I am not sure about anyone else... I do believe for me I should accept the person I love and their flaws whole heartedly. Weather they have a fetish the totally creeps me out or they have a third nipple. I believe if the love is true then it should not be conditioned.

Maybe I am just to Idealistic.

 

Yes, i believe in unconditional love. I had it a one point but I have lost it for the one i loved. I put up with ALOT and would have gave my life to save his and I should not have. But you do It for your true love. He was. But now my feelings have changed for him. I would not give my life for him due to some stuff that had happened in our relationship. It showed me he don't feel the same and cared the same for me , so why should I. Hope everything works out. Take care

 

Sorry, in advance, because I am not trying to be mean, but I truly don't understand this comment? If it was unconditional love, then why don't you love him anymore? To me, unconditional love means you would still love him now despite what happened in your relationship..

 

I might have an idea. Truth be told, people change. I fell out of love with my ex mainly due to the fact that personality and demeanor took such a rapid turn it was as if I was with a whole other person.

I still miss her but when people change who they are, sometimes it's easier to cut the threads.

The whole notion applies to a lot of my old friends as well. It's really sad for me. I hang out with people right now who are pregnant, have kids, or are getting married. Being single around these types of people who are bitching about their partners makes me wonder if I'm ever going to find someone. But I'm still young and I have things I need to be focusing more on than love and whatnot.

 

unconditional love simply is to me. just because somebody goes out of range of compatibility doesn't mean you stop loving them. like for me my love is unconditional, my presence is not. I can love you from 3000 miles away but just because I love you doesn't mean I'm going to jeapordize myself for you. Love to me encompasses room for growth. And I love myself too. Love for one should never diminish love for another... that would be a pretty major condition in my book. Everything of this nature seems to ebb and flow....


I also get confused when people seem to love only one person. like you can have great love for person x and then have to totally stop loving x to get to z. seems odd to me. do you only love one of your parents or children? do you only love one flavor of ice cream? people say there's a difference between romantic love and love in general... I've never found that to be the case with me. Even if you're monogamous how do you stop your heart from feeling?

 

I really understand what you mean. I like the way you put this into words.

 

I'm glad. I like discussing love and it's many facets quite a lot so thank you for bringing it up.

 

No problem, I was just wondering if anyone felt the same as I did.

 

Yes, I believe in unconditional love, my mother had it for all her children. But I doubt that, now she is gone, I will never experience it again.

 

i can love unconditionally from a distance. it's harder when they're right there in your face being annoying.

 

Sophie, I know what you mean.

I love 3 women, all of them just as they are, and wouldn't change them a bit. But that doesn't mean the things they do can't drive me batty.

For what it's worth, I've only been 'involved' with one, and I'm hurting very badly from the direction the relationship took. I love her beyond words, but I'm so upset with her that I almost can't stand to be around her or talk to her, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't do anything in the world for her.

When I love someone, I consider it against my personal ethics to try and change them. If I can't accept something about them, it might mean we're not compatible, and vice versa, especially if we can't negotiate a workaround for it, but it has absolutely no bearing on whether, how much, or if I love them at all.

So many people can't understand that.

All I can say, is be prepared to have your love tested, and have your heart broken, for not everyone we love is worth being our partner, whether because they're an ill fit from the start, or they change and begin to deny who you are because of insecurity, or because of their own issues.

Nothing is worse than loving someone like that, and having them stand there, nose to nose, and tell you that you don't love them, that you don't trust them, and that you're a horrible bastard to them, just because you call them on their bs, or don't give them their way in something. If you've never had the experience of having your heart dug out with a dull spoon and stomped on...that'd be it. To see that anger, that upset in their eyes, and to know...that just for that moment....they actually really believed that you didn't love them. Even if they come to their senses and apologize, it still cuts worse than anything else. Beyond that, I think the worst is when they simply get up and walk away, and say 'I don't have time for you. I'll talk to you when I do.'

 

Yeah I have had my heart broken may a time

 

You have my empathy. I understand your pain. I know that doesn't diminish it, but at least you know you're not alone.

 

Yeah it is nice not to be alone.

 

I agree completely. This is how I am in relationships. I had an interesting experience years ago. I had this spontaneous prayer that arose in me where I asked God to help me learn unconditional love. Two weeks later I met the man who became my current husband. With him I have gone through many transformations and experiences that have focused on learning unconditional love. I feel I have a deep awareness of what that is now... not to say this awareness is complete. And in the process I've let go identifying myself as monogamous... not that I truly ever resonated with that anyway.

 

very cool bluesafire. I've been finding out about a lot of these things and realizing that the thought of them is much different than the reality. having love for somebody in your heart is much different than loving them in action. like the polyamorous thing. I simply am poly I don't really have much choice in the matter it just happens. but acting on that can be so tricky. romantic relationships seem to have so many rules and regulations on what's acceptable and what's not. it's sort of an evolution for me. i'm curious to see where it leads as right now it seems to be so far out of the norm that I have no real map to guide me. I guess the heart is the best way to get where I'm going regardless.

 

jrny- I know the feeling. I always seem to wind up in poly situations, whether I want to be or not.

I think I saw a tree about a half mile that way....or was it that way?....feh...there's a tree around here somewhere, bud. you can add it to your map when you find it.

 

that's interesting because it makes total sense in my head but making it happen in life is such a tricky business.... What made it click for me was reading stranger in a strange land by heinlein. But having people line up so everyone can handle it is more complicated than a shuttle launch.

 

Yeah, acting on that can be tricky, I agree. I'm not really into rules, but one thing that determines what I do and what I put up with is the energy I feel with someone. I'm extremely sensitive to people's energies and if there's any kind of funky vibe there I pick up on it quickly. Sometimes what I sense isn't obvious on the surface, even to the person I'm sensing it from. I don't like competition or disharmony, so in a poly relationship setting that just can't be part of the equation. Unfortunately the kind of loving relationship I want doesn't come around very often. I have that with my husband, but haven't yet been able to find others that match. I'm also not into a hierarchy, like "primary" "secondary", etc. Love is love and can't be defined like that, imho. So, as long as there is a truly loving peaceful interaction... that's all I ask for. That's the only "rule" I follow.

 

This is a very interesting way of putting it. Well was the book good?