Domestic Violence....

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Domestic violence, whether aimed at men, womyn or children, is awful, and very very serious. It breaks my heart to hear of things like this.

 

It's unbelievably simple to fall into a trap where you're with someone and they abuse you and so unbelievably difficult to get out. I was in an abusive relationship and I consider myself a strong woman. It's not just physical abuse...it starts out as mental abuse. They brainwashing you into thinking they are the only person that loves you and no one else would want you.



I ran away, leaving everything behind my clothing, my pictures, everything. And only three people knew where I was...



It took someone really strong to make me realize what was happening to me and I think if it wasn't for him, I'd be dead right now.



That year and a half of my life with my ex was unbelievably painful and it happens so frequently in this country.



Anyone heard of CEDAW? Look it up. Over 160 countries have adopted this UN agreement, yet the US has not. It could help women in situations like mine...

 

I was in a verbally abisive relationship but it ended before it turned physical. The damage it caused me was huge and Im still feeling the effects today although it was over 2 years ago. But I know the warning signs now and would never get into a relationship with anyone who showed the signs - no matter how small.

 

Was listening to a public service announcement of some sort the other day on the tube...
it said more women in the US die from domestic violence than from car accidents.
The way I drive the numbers must be astronomical.

 

I was in an abusive relationship with my first daughter's father. It didn't start until I had become pregnant. I was so terrified of being a single mother that I stayed with him until she was 7 months old. It's not something that I look back on and feel sorry for myself about. I became very strong after him. I don't put up with anything. Not even being spoken to in a condescending way.

It's funny because everyone says, "why doesn't she just leave?" and the answer is always "it's not that easy." I even thought that before him. But, they are so right...until you've been there and through it...you can't understand why it's "not that easy." I probably left him 10 times before that one time that I left and didn't turn back. It was the best 12 hour drive of my life.

 

here is a link to a text on why the US did not ratify CEDAW...

http://www.ew2000plus.org/women_cedaw_whynot.htm

As you can see, none of the reservations have anything to do with allowing women to be abused. There are strict laws against domestic abuse(atleast in vermont).

 

WOw...other places allow pregnant women paid maternity leave and free medical?
That's almost humane.

 

we need paternity leave!

 

I think that is a great idea! When I had Virginia, I had to have a c-section so I was pretty much useless. Tim stopped working and sold a bond so he could stay home with me for a while.

 

In this morning's paper, there were several articles about domestic violence, ie. violence against women. This is an issue that feminists control, and so not suprisingly the articles focused on violence against women, and listed several cases where women were killed by men. The article also stated how the WHO deemed women being killed by their partners as a "pandemic". Unfortunately, all this does is distort the issue. The article itself apparently substantiates this, giving a fairly small number for the last five years, a figure that's eclipsed by the number of people who die in car crashes in one year. Also, it's interesting that these articles would focus on violence against women, when there are a number of studies that show that women are equally violent towards men, and most interesting since a few pages later in the newspaper there is a story about the trial of a woman who drove halfway across the country to track down her ex-husband to shoot him repeatedly. Yet somehow she claims that this wasn't premditated.

Sorry, but domestic violence is a two-way street; not as many women may resort to outright violence, but why would you have to when the state is on your side?

 

My current marriage was full of domestic violence, both physical and mental. I put up with it for almost two years before I decided to finally get out of the marriage and the situation. The warning signs are always there. I choose to ignore them, hoping that he would change for the better, but it was never like that. He needed serious counseling and refused to get it, and finally it came to the point where I found out my life was more important then that marriage. I am not divorced yet, but in the process and I couldn't feel any freer (sp?). I just wish other women who lost their lives would have wised up sooner rather then later.

 

Yes. some men are abused. Some are brainwashed (there is a couple across the street from me where the dh is emotionally and most likely physically abused by a sick sick womyn, and I belive he is in as bad a place as any womyn who get abused.)

The numbers are still overwelming in the fact that womyn ONLY kill partners after massive amounts of abuse. Men kill womyn regularly. The numbers of dead womyn hugely outweighs the numbers of dead men, in abuse situations.

NO ONE should hit, mentally abuse or otherwise harm their partners, but when physical abuse happens look at this.

I weight about 100 lbs. My dh weighs over 200 lbs. I am about 5 feet tall, he is over 6 feet tall. If I were to hit him as HARD as I could (and I wouldn't) not much would happen to him. If he were to hit ME as hard as he could (and HE would never!) he could probaby kill me.

Just because there is empathy for Violence against womyn doesnt' mean there is NO violence against men, Female againt male violence isn't however, sanctioned by most governments, it doesn't caues the MAJORITY of deaths of men, in this country or any other, and it is not pandemic.

 

From a variety of Domestic Violence Web Pages

A third of all women’s injuries coming into our emergency rooms are no accident. Most are the result of deliberate, premeditated acts of violence. And frequently they occur over and over until the woman is killed. (Dr. Kevin Fullin, American Medical Association, public service ad, Time magazine)
Thirty-four percent of the women homicide victims over age 15 are killed by their husbands, ex-husbands or boyfriends. (National Women Abuse Prevention Project)

When women kill their intimate partners, it is usually in self-defense.



Of 223 reviewed appellate opinions of battered women's homicide cases, 75% involved confrontations (meaning the woman was being assaulted or abused at the time of the killing).

Holly Maguigan. (1991). Myths and Misconceptions in Current Reform Proposals. University of Pennsylvania Law Review, vol. 140. p. 397.


When women kill their intimate partners, it is most often after a long history of abuse.



In North Carolina, 75% of incidents where women killed their male partners were preceded by male-initiated violence. In contrast, no evidence suggested that homicides by men were preceded by female-initiated violence.

Paige Hall Smith, Kathryn E. Moracco, and John D. Butts. 1998. Partner Homicide in Context: A Population-Based Perspective. Homicide Studies, Vol. 2, No. 4. p. 410.


Survivors of battering are convicted at the same rate as other homicide defendants.



A study of 223 reviewed appellate opinions of battered women's homicide cases found that battered women defendants are convicted after trial at roughly the same rate (75-80%) as are defendants in other homicide and serious felony trials.

Holly Maguigan. (1991). Myths and Misconceptions in Current Reform Proposals. University of Pennsylvania Law Review, vol. 140. p. 397.

​

When survivors of domestic violence have access to resources for increasing their safety, they are far less likely to kill their abusive partners.



The number of men killed by intimate partners dropped 68% between 1976 and 2000 (from 1,357 men killed in 1976 to 440 in 2000). During the same time period, the number of women killed by intimate partners dropped only 22% (from 1,600 in 1976 to 1,247). (What do we learn from this? Womyn are violent only when they have to be, and only when they have no recourse, AND they are willing to use other methods to get what they want if and when they are shown how. Violent men, on the other hand, continue their behavior, no matter what interventions are taken......)

Callie Marie Rennison. 2003. Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001. NCJ-197838. Washington, DC: Bureau of Justice Statistics. p. 2.



Homicide Trends in the U.S., Intimate Homicide.Washington, DC: Bureau of Justice Statistics.



What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is abuse committed by a spouse, a former spouse, a fiancee, a boyfriend or girlfriend, and a cohabitant upon another individual. It is estimated that a domestic violence act occurs every 15 seconds somewhere in the United States. That figure translates to over 2.5 million victims per year. This abuse affects the lives of the victim and the children who live within the boundaries of these abusive relationships.



General Information

In 1991, 5,745 women in the United States died as a result of homicide.

• Six in every 10 women who are victims of homicide were murdered by someone they knew. About half of these women were murdered by a spouse or someone with whom they had been intimate.
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15-44.
• Every 21 days, a woman is killed by domestic violence.
• Children are involved in 60 percent of domestic violence cases.
• More than three million children witness acts of domestic violence each year.
• Up to 50 percent of all homeless women and children in this country are fleeing domestic violence.
• One in ten calls made to alert police of domestic violence is placed by a child in the home.
• More than 53 percent of male abusers beat their children.
• One of every three abused children becomes an adult abuser or victim. (As a rule males become abusers, females become victims.)
• Victims and abusers are found in every social and economic class, race, religious group, and sexual orientation.

Factors such as poverty, single-parent households headed by women, and parents with less than a high school education were found to be more common among families suffering abuse.
Homicide

• More than twice as many women are killed by their husbands or boyfriends than are murdered by strangers. (Arthur Kellerman. "Men, Women and Murder." The Journal of Trauma. July 17, 1992, pp.1-5).
• In 1992, the American Medical Association reported that as many as 1 in 3 women will be assaulted by a domestic partner in her lifetime -- 4 million in any given year. ("When Violence Hits Home." Time. June 4, 1994).
• Among all female murder victims in 1992, 29% were slain by boyfriends or husbands; four percent of male victims were slain by their wives or girlfriends. (Federal Bureau of Investigations, 1993).
• The average prison sentence of men who kill their women partners is 2 to 6 years. Women who kill their partners are, on average, sentenced to 15 years. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1989) (women who kill men are treated more seriously by the courts than men who kill women.)
• Women who are victims of chronic abuse eventually become violent toward the abuser. Women who kill their spouses have been the victims of spiraling levels of abuse of increasing frequency and severity. Often, police visits to the home on charges of family violence numbered at least five times.
• Police are more likely to respond within 5 minutes if an offender is a stranger than if an offender is known to a female victim. (Ronet Bachman, Ph.D. "Violence Against Women: A National Crime Victimization Survey Report." U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice and Statistics. January 1994, p. 9.)
• Firearms are frequent weapons leading to mortality rates of women killed by their spouses, boyfriends or others.
• Sixty-three percent of the young men between the ages of 11 and 20 who are serving time for homicide have killed their mother's abuser. (March of Dimes, 1992).

Spousal Abuse

• One longitudinal study focused on spousal physical aggression at 18 and 30 months after marriage. The findings indicated that the pre-relationship predictor variables were history of violence in the family of origin, aggression against others during childhood and adolescence, and personality characteristics.
• The relationship predictor variables were marital discord and spouse-specific psychological aggression. The findings suggested that predictive models are different for husbands and wives. For both genders, there were direct paths to marital violence that were not mediated by characteristics of the relationship, as well as paths that originated in or flowed through indicators of the marital relationship. The implications for marital therapy were discussed (O'Leary, Malone, & Tyree, 1994).

Woman Battering

Battering is the establishment of control and fear in a relationship through violence and other forms of abuse. The batterer uses acts of violence and a series of behaviors, including intimidation, threats, psychological abuse, isolation, etc. to coerce and to control the other person. The violence may not happen often, but it remains as a hidden (and constant) terrorizing factor. (Uniform Crime Reports, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1990).

• Battering is often lethal. Each year, 2,000-4,000 women in the U.S. are murdered by abusive partners/ex-partners.
• In the United States, a woman is beaten every 7.4 seconds. Approximately 3-4 million women are beaten by male partners annually.
• Battered women are more likely to suffer miscarriages and to give birth to babies with low birth weights. (Surgeon General, United States, 1992).
• Over two-thirds of violent victimizations against women were committed by someone known to them: 31% of female victims reported that the offender was a stranger.
• Approximately 28% were intimates such as husbands or boyfriends, 35% were acquaintances, and the remaining 5% were other relatives. (In contrast, victimizations by intimates and other relatives accounted for only 5% of all violent victimizations against men.)
• Men are significantly more likely to have been victimized by acquaintances (50%) or strangers (44%) than by intimates or other relatives.) (Ronet Bachman, Ph.D., U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics, "Violence Against Women: A National Crime Victimization Survey Report," January 1994, p. 1).
• Annually, compared to males, females experienced over 10 times as many incidents of violence by intimate. On average each year, women experience 572,032 violent victimizations at the hands of an intimate, compared to 48,983 incidents committed against men. (Ronet Bachman, Ph.D., U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics, "Violence Against Women: A National Crime Victimization Survey Report," January 1994, p. 6).
• There are 1,500 shelters for battered women in the United States. There are 3,800 animal shelters (Schneider, 1990).

 

In other words, when a man is killed by a partner, it is almost always after or during a VIOLENT Attack by the one who was killed. (THIS is called "self defense.")In cases when men kill their female partners there is simply NO EVIDENCE that the men were attacked first or ever. (Rarely could this be due to "self defense.")

Over two-thirds of violent victimizations against women were committed by someone known to them:
(In contrast, victimizations by intimates and other relatives accounted for only 5% of all violent victimizations against men.)

In other words, Violence by partners or aquantances against womyn is VERY COMMON (66% of attacks against womyn) Violence against MEN by partners or aquantainces, although it occurs is still RARE. (5% of attacks.)

Do the math.

 

what entails in male initiated violence? A slap? strangling? what?

If a guy slaps you, you dont hvae the right to kill him. It is only self defense when you kill because you believe he is going to do serious bodily harm to you...every other time you're supposed to flee...Likewise, you cant kill a person who beat you up the night before...it would only be self defense in a situation where he is strangling you or some other situation where your life is in immediate danger that you can take his. Then again, its your word against a dead persons on what happened...

 

Yeah, a womyn is in the middle of a beating and he's just gonna let her run out the door. What if she has kids?

What differnce does it make. Really, self defense can be retroactive, as violence ESCALATES, if he ALMOST killed you last time, he will probably kill you this time. Is "slap" better than a punch? God, if you are thinking this, get an other line of thought. Violence is violence.

The stats speak for themselves. You cannot impose the same "self defense" ideas as if two men were in a barroom brawl. Domestic violence is very complicated. The MOST dangerous time for a womyni is WHEN she is leaving and the year after she leaves. MORE womyn are killed AFTER they leave their abuser than when they are home. In many cases he goes after her and kills her.

Least of all the person you are supposed to love. LOOK AT THE NUMBERS to answer your other questions.

 

you get the kid and you leave. edit: if he detains you against your will..that is far different from a slap, so please dont compare the two.

UH A BIG DIFFERENCE!

You cant make assumptions that he beat you bad last time..so the first time he touches you this week you can kill him. THAT IS MURDER. Call the cops and get him removed from the house. Someone slapping you isnt a blank check to put a knife in a guys heart.

edit: yes, a slap is far btter than a punch..just like a punch is far better than getting hit over the head with a bat. All are violent and all qualify as domestic abuse..

Whats your solution? KIll the guy and remove the problem all together?

 

Ok, I know the problems violence against women and men, hell partners in general cause, but doesn't any one else see paterns going on with these battered women? I've seen them repeatedly pick out abusive men..even after being nearly killed by a past abusive partner, and when I say nearly killed, i mean in a coma for three months on life support. Stabbed, shot, and beaten and left for dead. Yet picks out ANOTHER abusive man and clings to him even after he beat her and cheated on her. At some point you need to see some value in yourself and do something for yourself. Hell i feel sorry for all kids involved in such situations, for they are the real victims with no control over anything.

 

A slap by a partner more than not will lead to worse abuse.


The first time my ex hit me was a slap...the second time was throwing me against the wall and choking me...and kicking me in my back...btw I was 5 months pregnant. Abuse is abuse is abuse.


Oh, the #1 cause of death of pregnant women: murder.