Don't hit women, but...

...it's still ok for them to hit men. Wait, what?

I see a horrible double-standard in our culture. Men are ingrained (or most cultures attempt to ingrain them) with the idea that hitting women is always wrong, that there is never a valid excuse for laying your hands on a woman in anger. To do so could subject a guy to an ass-whooping at the hands of other men and a long-term branding of his character by society at large. And I'm glad. I definitely don't think men should hit women.

But women are validated, even encouraged in some ways, in "keeping men in line" by hitting them. Why is this? I've seen a few posts in Women's Issues forum topics in which a female poster says, almost eagerly, that they'd hit a guy if he said something they didn't like (granted, I'm not providing much context for the comment - I think it was about people who don't care to see breastfeeding in public). That a woman can say such things without flags going off (as they undoubtedly would if a man were to threaten a woman even hypothetically on these forums) is pretty telling, at least to me.

In movies and television, there is seemingly no end to the circumstances under which a man finds himself struck (or kicked in the groin) for something he did - knowingly or unknowingly - to upset a woman. I can recall one scene in the recent Batman movie in which the female protagonist, completely unprovoked yet somehow incensed, slapped Bruce Wayne hard across the face twice, not letting him get a word in edgewise between the assaults.

Hell hath no fury blah blah blah. Do women not say things and do things that piss men off? Do women not use the knowledge that men aren't supposed to hit them to further push their buttons? Men are expected to grin and bear it while women are free to wallop them, and men are the immature ones?

I don't think anybody should hit anybody unless it's truly warranted (i.e., they struck first). I wouldn't ever deny anyone the right to maintain their livelihood through self-defense. But I don't believe violence is much of a solution, as tempting as it can be sometimes to go there.

It doesn't seem like girls are raised to be particularly violent (certainly no more so than boys, anwyay), so I have to wonder where this general female disdain for the male's personal well-being comes from.

Why do you all think violence against men - by women - is not only seen as small potatoes but so normalized in our culture? What gives women any more license than men to dole out physical violence to the opposite sex?

Hanzo

 

very good point..i am a woman, and i do not think that it is okay for a woman to hit a man either; like you said, in that movie, when the woman slapped that man, it was probably forgotten like 2 minutes later, however, if a man had slapped the woman in that movie, he would have been looked down upon for the rest of the movie!! the only way i would ever hit a man is in self defense..if i was hit first, or about to be hit, because it IS a double standard...and, like you said, if men should have to be strong, and grin and bear it, then women should have to do the same! very excellent points you made!

 

I agree with you. When I watch "Cops" on TV, I used to be frustrated that the cops always seem to arrest the male in a domestic violence situation, regardless of what happened.

But then I saw an episode where they actually did arrest a woman for domestic violence against a man, and somehow it made me feel really bad. I still totally agree that it is an unfair double standard, but on some instinctual level I guess I feel obligated to "protect" women or something.

Still, there are many double standards like this: girls can be named things like "Bobbi," but could you imagine a man named "Susan"? Women can wear suits, but men can't wear dresses. Men have to ask for dates, pay for dates, propose marriage... I think some women don't appreciate how difficult it is to do these things and face rejection.

 

I was in that situation before. I was crazy ,mad ,jealous, high, overheated(it was 100 degrees out) whatever, I was a mad woman!! My hubby was eatin in restaurant with a friend of his i don't like. and i came and yelled at my hubby and grabbed him arm, practically ripping it off. Up till now he was trying to calm me down. i pushed him out in the parking lot. then he started to get angry and push me off of him, with out trying to lash out at me. But I just wouldn't quit.(stupid 20 year old i was)I hit him in the face, then he hit me, and the people in the restaurant who called the cops on us,told them he hit me first! I told them don't press charges, the state, county or whatever did for me! I was the crazy bitch and they arrested him! They patted him down and did the whole routine to him, I was the one with the pot & misc other drugs in my purse and they didn't even check me out for it! They did nothing to protect me in my mind, they should have sent me to jail for protection from myself! I agree with protecting yourself, but not acessive hitting, I try not to hit my hubby at all anymore, only extreme ocassions when I am unbelievably upset, which was a long time ago, now. it is unfair how ew peg men as the bad guys all the time, there are som ewomen that are troublemakers and get away with it claiming domestic violece.

 

Most states in the US now have a law that when Police are called on a domestic dispute, ONE of the two parties IS going to jail. No choice in the matter. Police are BOUND BY that law to make an arrest. Period. They are to use thier own judgement on who goes. Most police where I live, choose the one with less injuries as the agressor.
I'm 100% FOR this. Violence against another person is never RIGHT. Self defence is a whole other story. Come at ME with a knife or gun, you had BETTER USE IT!

 

well in the popular belief, women are smaller, weaker and more sensitive than men.

also in the popular belief, blonde girls are dumb, and men only think with their d*cks.

these are just examples, hopefully u get my point.

 

This sounds stupid but... I was once hit very hard in the nose by a lazy girl (she was actually a pretty good friend of mine) because I would not let her copy my homework. I'm not being a "baby" here but it hurt so bad it brought tears to my eyes. For her to do this just because I covered my homework with my hands made me quite angry. In the split second after she hit me I grabbed her arm and held it tight while I fumed at her (telling her she better never do that again) and I slowly calmed myself down as I was squeezing her arm. Well, I guess I didn't know my own strength and the next day she had very bad bruises on her arm where I had grabbed her. So... her brother found me in the hall and tried to start a fight with me. He pushed me three times from the back and after the third time I had him up off the ground against the lockers with both my hands around his upper arms, But I avoided the fight. That night her mom actually called me to chew me out. I did apologize and we became friendly again (her brother too). In that case however, a little part of me thinks she didn't necessarily deserve the bruises, but should have accepted the consequences of her actions. Just my ramblings...

 

RE: I try not to hit my hubby at all anymore, only extreme ocassions when I am unbelievably upset,

You need professional help. Imagine if a man had written this...

By the way Crayola - men may be bigger or stronger, but anyone can cripple or kill by picking up the stereotypical rolling pin, frying pan or fireplace poker. Men might be better with the backhand but way more than half the time the woman picks up a weapon.

 

They say if you hit a girl your a sissy, but I think thats sexist.

 

Well, no, sorry Crayola, but I don't really get your point. If women are smaller, weaker and more sensitive, why would they violently provoke a larger, stronger, less sensitive man? And you didn't really address the question I posed. Why is it socially acceptable for women to hit men? What caused that to be popular belief, and what today reinforces that belief? What do you, as a woman, think about the idea of hitting a man?

As IronGoth stated above, while many men are abusive with their fisticuffs, women are more likely to assault with a weapon of some sort. Also, I don't think Iron mentioned this, but I've read that women are more likely than men to committ premeditated assaults (whereas men who commit domestic violence are more likely to do so upon losing their tempers).

I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that violence by women against men is somehow vindicated. Please enlighten me.

 

RE: while many men are abusive with their fisticuffs, women are more likely to assault with a weapon of some sort

No, what I said was, though DV rates are about equal for both genders, though men tend to being larger and stronger, and technically you think women would come out the worse in these encounters - though the man might have a stronger backhand, when women hit men they usually use some kind of weapon.

Premeditated assault - absolutely mostly women.

And BTW if a man was to attack a woman's genitals with a blade in her sleep it wouldn't be considered funny or what have you, like in the case of Mr. John Wayne Bobbitt.

 

I don't know what woman thinks it's ok to hit a man, or that it's funny to slash someone's genitals. I sure as hell don't, I don't think that violence in any relationship is a good thing, verbal or physical.

 

If somebody cut my penis off I would torture and kill them, then commit suicide.

Women get 3x more time if convicted of some kind of domestic violence like assult because they usually premeditate as where men usually don't.

Also, the media has a huge effect on the human mind. You have no idea how influencing television is. In health, our teacher lectured us on it, then he showed us a movie (some hollywood movie about a woman whos husband beats her, she learns how to fight then sneaks into his house and kills him, she also claims he started it and gets away with it) and everybody in the class thought that she was justified in going to his house and killing him.

So basicly, humanity is fucked.

 

Most domestic violence is usually alcohol related. When one or both are intoxicated small matters can esculate into heated arguments, begetting violance.
When one is intoxicated they think with their lower mind which can regress to savage behavior.
Being from a violent relationship a life time ago, I can tell you that I don't beleive that I deserved my face being held down against a heater grate, or being bashed in the face with a beer bottle, or burnt with ciggeretts,my face and ribs being kicked in with steeltoed boots by a man that has been trained to kill and is a foot taller and 100 lbs heavier then me. I will pick up an equializer and defend myself. As the "Law" seems to close their eyes, them being predomanatly male. A lot of women have to use what they have availble, their 'wits', their self preservation, their will to survive.
I am not trying to start an arguement, I'm just saying that the majority of spousal abuse come from the male, statisticaly speaking. I would also like to add, if I were being stalked by a preditor of any spiecies I would plan an ofencive and plot their demise, even if it involved going into thier territory and hunting them down.
I don't know how much terror y'all have faced at your ages, but I'm here to tell you as living proof, that men don't need to use the force they do against women whom they profess to love. And to be honest, women don't have to bitch their mates to death to the point of risking getting their teeth kicked in.
If the relationship has turned that sour, it's time to re-evaualte the relationship and make the needed adjustments or call it quits. If it has come to being stalked and terrorzied and attacked then to me it's your life or mine.
I say, If all else fails, then defend yourself.

 

ouch. I've been hit with a frying pan. Basically me and a friend were really drunk and standing on the kitchen table singing sex pistols songs when my g/f at the time started chunking cast iron pans at us. It was all in good fun though.

 

There is never an excuse for physical violence coming from either gender.

That being said, my dh is 6'2 and 200 lbs, I am barely 5 ft and about 100. Neither of us have ever physically harmed the other, BUT if I were to hit him as hard as I could, with my hand, not much would happen. If he were to do the same to me, he could literally KILL me with one punch. Luckily we respect each other and don't do things like that. But the potential for harm is greater coming from him.

WHERE? People say stupid things sometimes. Comments which promote phyisical violence are certainly not condoned by the Moderation staff on the WIF. I can assure you of that. There are jerks of both sexes, honey.

 

RE: I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that violence by women against men is somehow vindicated. Please enlighten me.

The general attitude in society is simply - violence against men is funny, justified, you-go-girl, enlightening, spiritually uplifting, etc.

Now as to the previous poster who married either a grunt or a pig - sorry that happened, but hey, you marry a cop or a soldier you're likely to get Kayo'd at some point.

But that doesn't change the fact that women often INITIATE domestic violence with weapon in hand.

 

Ive said jokingly that Id hit someone in the eye if they did such and such to me, and that i dont mean literally or anything..
I would never lay my hands on anyone unless they were attacking me.
I think it is crap how men being abused dont get taken seriously..
There is this guy I use to work with, and his girlfriend worked here as well, and she would seriously beat him. Hed have marks all over him from where she'd punch, claw, pinch, bite, anything she could. One time at lunch she stabbed him with a fork. I was extremely bothered by this, but everyone else laughed. I couldnt believe it.. Just because it was a guy getting basically abused, they laughed it off and made fun of him. I find it horrible and tacky that its only taken real serious if its the other way around..
Women can do just as much damage and abuse as a men can and it should be taken with the same seriousness...

 

RE: Ive said jokingly that Id hit someone in the eye if they did such and such to me, and that i dont mean literally or anything..

Yes but imagine if I said something like that.

RE: I would never lay my hands on anyone unless they were attacking me.
I think it is crap how men being abused dont get taken seriously..

Well, battered men's shelters are almost non-existent, because basically the attitude is "the guy should be able to take care of himself." Well, let me explain that sometimes what can happen is, she whacks him upside the head with a bottle or something, he tries to defend himself, that puts a mark on her, she claims "self defence" and he goes to jail and Big Bubba puts the widening moves on certain parts of his anatomy. Thank GOD this never happened to me, but it did to a friend of mine.

Cops don't believe it's possible, courts laugh it out or the woman turns on the tears and bleats on about "systematic abuse" or whatever. Feminists insist that women never abuse anyone, when it's a known fact women kill children far more often than men do with very serious abuse...

RE: There is this guy I use to work with, and his girlfriend worked here as well, and she would seriously beat him. Hed have marks all over him from where she'd punch, claw, pinch, bite, anything she could.

What did he do to annoy her?

 

Im not saying I say it about men, I say it about people who I know in life and such, jokingly.. But you are right, if you said that about a woman, even kiddingly, people would probably have a lot of negative things to say about you

You are absolutely right. I totally agree with you. I can see where a guy was defending himself against an abusive girl and she gets a mark and hes the one in trouble, you're right, that does happen A LOT...and I think its a disgrace..

the poor guy would always be marked up, she would just think it nothing to smack him across the face and so forth.. I would talk with him and tell him that just because she is a women does not make it okay to abuse you like that. And he would always say, well, ya know I deserved it.. And I thought it was truly sad cause if it would be the other way around, it wouldnt be tolerated.. But cause it was a guy, it was just laughed at..truly sad...