Dont know how to feel about first time.

Well...I just bottomed first time today...sex with a guy first time today also, and I'm not quite sure how I should feel.
My main concern was bottoming; everything was fine up until the bottoming part. When I see porn, the bottom is always soo horny and he has a boner and everything and he just likes the feeling I assume. Well, when I bottomed today, it hurt at first and then after a while, I was waiting for that OH SO AMAZING pleasure that's supposedly going to set in...well, I didn't get it...everytime he thrusted, it was not painful but I felt REALLY FULL down there and there were no instances of pleasure, mostly just me subconsciously moaning because I was caught up in all the sexual tension, but no certain pleasurable .feelings that stood out. I didn't even have a boner while bottoming like I see in porn, and I don't know what this means...I'm confused about the experience. Everything was FINE , the making out before, the fondling, the blowjob, the grinding ..everything until it got to actually bottoming where I was wondering if this is what I'm supposed to be feeling or not. Advice? Thanks

 

Maybe your just not a bottom? There are a lot of sexual things I like, and a lot I don't like. I see porn all the time where the guy is being dominated by the woman. The guys in the videos really get off on it and the worse the women treat them, the better they like it. But I'm dominate, not submissive, so being submissive just doesn't work for me. I can't get excited. I just am not a sub, Im a dom.

So I wouldn't worry about it. You are what you are. If you prefer being a top, find someone who likes being a bottom. He will appreciate you for what you are and you will appreciate him for what he is.

 

insidioussex you are fine and there is nothing wrong with "how" you bottomed. IGNORE what you see on porn, it isn't real, all the moaning and groaning is fake.

the full feeling is normal, your OH SO AMAZING pleasure that you are missing could in part be his technique, the position used or it being your first time. I am a bottom and do not always get that amazing feeling either.

if you "enjoyed" it and want to try it again, go slowly and try different positions and remember FORGET THE PORN.

 

It took me a few times to find myself enjoying it. I much prefer to top in general but every now and then if you're in the right position and the guy knows what he is doing it can be great.

If you're interested I'd recommend trying a few more times and perhaps with fingers and toys.

 

Aw, sweetie, it can be pleasurable.

Did you guys use lots of lube? Fingering? Any foreplay before?

I have a feeling he didn't stimulate your prostate.

 

About the stimulating my prostate part, you're probably right...I mean he just slipped the condom on we put lube, I got on top, and he stuck it in not too slow but not too fast...I didn't have much time to get used to the feeling until he started going at it
IDK I kind of expected more for my first time, wished it was better. The foreplay was amazing though.

 

Yeah, some guys can get off without prostate stimulation but I need it, lol. Next time you bottom ask him to move around or something, haha.

 

I think the universal truth about sex is that it is probably more than 90% in your head. Even the whole prostate stimulation thing means very little.

The actual physical sensation is nothing if you're thinking too much about how it's supposed to feel or about what you're supposed to be doing, etc. Just let go of everything in your head and you'll enjoy it more.

 

If you liked the foreplay, etc, thats a good indication that you're on the right track. You may not be a bottom or you may just not be used to it yet. Im not really comfortable during sex until im comfortable with the person and my position in the relationship. Just take it slow with an open mind and see what happens.

 

If it was your first time bottoming then I wouldn't expect too much either. Just like a hetero couples first time is usually not pleasurable. Its painful for the girl, the guy has a difficult time getting off because it's not like he expected or how his friends told him it would be. It's not going to be like a porno.

I was actually using a toy on myself last night (and having lots of fun might I add!!) and even though I was getting off on the pleasure of just the thrusting in out and out of my anus & maoning quite loudly, I wasn't even hard. I can ride my dildo for a good 20 minutes and even stroke myself and still gain plenty of pleasure. I think the reason why is because once I do begin to stroke myself with an object in my anus, I will cum in a matter of two minutes which is not what I want. I like to make the pleasure last. So you may not have even been in the right frame of mind. I would say you need a little practice. I'm sure you'll cum around sooner or later....

 

yeah i think he was just bad at it. its the same for straight people, girls dont always get off cause the guy is just bad in bed. you cant just fuck like a monkey and not think about what your doing. its work, maybe try talking him through it like what feels good how deep how fast, and fingering is a must. i personally prefer to have the outside of the hole fondeld before probing gets me all loose

 

yeah now that I've pondered it, it's all just a complete mess and I feel like a whore...him and I aren't even intimately acquainted with each other and I knew it felt "incorrect" from the beginning
I lost my virginity to someone who I don't even plan on having sex with ever; thank god I'm not one of those remorseful, sentimental, lovey-dovey types at least because if I was, I'd be moping about how my first time wasn't the "perfect" memorable pleasurable experience that I was supposed to have.

Anyhoo, my biggest problem now is that ever since then, I haven't had quite the sexual urge I've had lately but that's ok I'm still young and I've got alot of other things to think about

 

Again, well said. Take your time - that's my advice. Delayed gratification really does make things better when at last they happen. Most of my regrets in life are the times when I blindly stumbled into something without first REALLY thinking about it and considering the consequences. Life really is short - make your choices ones of quality - not quantity and learn from your mistakes.

 

Forget the porn part. It is completely irrelevant to your personal situation.

Take your time and be patient. Sex is mind-boggling but only at times and not ALWAYS.

Very few people start enjoying the bottoming right away. There is an urban myth going around saying that 'bottoming is easy. The top does all the work'. This is just another myth. You want to start exploring the positions, scenarios and roleplays. A good top will always try to follow your lead and give you as much pleasure as he can. If you do not signal your interest in changing speeds and positions and whatever else, he'll rightly assume that you are happy with his play and he'll most likely carry on on his own pace.

Regardless of your being on the top or on the bottom, you want to work towards reaching your sexual pleasure as much as you want to help your partner reach his.

Last but not least, not everyone is meant to be a bottom. Try topping a guy for a change, and see how that feels.

KD

 

Don't beat yourself up over it- it is what it is, and while you didn't enjoy things when it came to sex, you say you enjoyed hte foreplay, which in my opinion is so much more important, otherwise you can't lead up to sex int he first place! Not only that, but as others have said, having sex the first time is an experience no matter who it is experienced with and you're not going to be perfect, and you're not gonna be a porn star actor (who would wanna be lke they are int he films anyway? in my opinion porn is nice to watch but if i was ever in a sitaution where things went down as they do in porn, I would feel pretty turned off. in real life im into connections witht he people, not necessarily meaning a full scale realtionship is what I want after a sexual experience, but just connecting to the person in some way).

It was your first time, most first tiems aren't the best. I remember one of my gay friends telling me about his first tiem with his boyfirend, and they flip-flopped because neither of them could stand the pain. haha So youve done nothing wrong! Just enjoy, and try things differently next time.

 

Don't ever relate porn to reality, it's fucking porn! all those guys getting banged with monster erections in the porns are sluts, their assholes are stretched beyond what a normal man would ever have, sounds like your partner expected you to be ready for the reaming.

Some of us are tops, some of us are bottoms, it takes time to figure out, dont be sad! I've been at this stuff for a while and I'm still not sure how I swing.