eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia and so on..

Well, i hope nobody else suffers/has suffered from these fucked up diseases but if you do/did, please share your thoughts, bad/good memories...

I've been suffering from bulimia for one year and a half...and I swear it sucks...but I'm doing my best, I think...

 

I've struggled with both anorexia, bulemia, and a distorted self image since I was 9 years old, the worst coming about during my teenage years and and in my early 20's. I am also obsessive compulsive, which many times goes hand in hand with eating disorders.

Right now, at 30, I consider myself healthy and more in control of my "disease" for the most part. Perhaps a little exercise obsessed at times, but I eat well and never partake in some of my past destructive habits (inducing vomiting, not eating, binging, purging, diet pills). But to be honest, most of the time, when I look in the mirror, I still see myself as "fat", I never really see myself as others do, or what I truly look like, despite what size I may wear in clothing. Sad, but true.

All I know is, I don't want my children, especially my daughter, to go through what I have. I am extremely cautious not to mention weight or how I see myself when my daughter is around. My kids know that mommy regularly exercises, and I tell them it's so that I'm super healthy and strong. They think that's just awesome and they all like to "work out" too so that they're healthy and strong. Which, I don't see anything negative about that, kids need to be active, too many aren't these days.

 

I'm doing well with my eating disorder at the moment... even though I just entered college so it's very hard... I've had anorexia/bulimia since i was 9 and have been in treatment twice.... I don't even want to think of all the horrible things that come from starvation and purging and binging... college binging has been a problem

 

I've had on and off anorexia, I've never gotten help from it. I was doing pretty good for a while until I had my son 8 months ago and gained a lot of weight from snacking when feeding him in at nights.... before I knew it I had gained a lot of weight. I am wearing the same size clothes I was before, but I still have the pudge from the baby and I feel awful... I dont' think I've been through it as bad as what I have this last time. I've been very self conscious about having sex, and having for about a month now... some days I have no appetite because of the depression I'm going through lately, but other days I feel so guilty eating. I used to wear a size 22 and was less self conscious then what I am in my size 15 body. I'm starting to get wore out more mentally lately from dealing with it.

What things help you guys out?

 

It takes a while to become adjusted to your body post-pregnancy. Even if you weigh the same, or less even, it will be changed, and that's normal! The key is accepting that change, which isn't always easy. I mean, no matter how much working out I do, I can never get rid of the little belly pudge I have from when I had my twins.

Me, I wear a size 4 clothing in misses which is pretty small, and you'd think I'd be happy at that, but I find myself longingly looking at the 2's and 0's. It seems to be a never ending cycle. I always think when I get to a certain size I'll be satisifed, but it doesn't work that way for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of my body, but...I can't seem to stop the feelings of wanting to be even smaller than what I am. And yes, I'm with you, it's emotionally draining at times.

 

That's how I am... I think if I weigh a certain amount, or fit into a pair of jean I've been dying to wear I'll be happy, but it never happens that way, and I always see this really disgusting body in the mirror.

What really makes it worse is my ex calls me fat all the damn time. I've never felt this bad about myself because of another person... and it doesn't give two shits how it makes me feel.

 

Eating disorders suck! I'm the same way.... you constantly tell yourself if I lose 5 pounds that it I will be happy... and then you lose that 5 pounds and say If I lose 5 more pounds I will be happy and it keeps going eventually you have to let go and realize its never going to make you happy. When I figure out how to be happy with the body we have got Ill let you know. I've had an eating disorder since 5 grade. I've been hospitalized and in treatment at least 5 times... I dont think it will ever go away. I just try to keep it in check... It sucks having to go through this doesnt it?

 

I am bulimic. I'm "trying" to recover. I say "trying" because I am taking the right steps... counseling, support groups, etc... but I don't even want to get better 100%. Part of me still wants to be sick... a big part. It's awful.

 

I think I have more disordered eating habits than anything...

 

My anerexia is useless... I do it for like a week, lose weight, stuff my face a few days, and gain part of it back... and do it all over again. It just causes my tummy to hurt when I do eat, and I haven't really lost much weight to even deal with the problems. Being tired and etc.