Embarrasing things kids say and a dilemma

The other day Eban had a drs appointment. Robert and I headed into town with him for the day. We took a walk in the city and looked at all the things there were to see. We ended up standing in front of a brownstone for a long time looking at a birdfeeder. Then, as promised I offered Robert either a treat or a ride on the train. He opted for a treat and we perused the different businesses where we were. He wanted ice cream but there was a Japanese bakery next to the Baskin Robbin's I as ultimate executor of all decisions decided that we should do something out of the ordinary. We entered the bakery and I picked out an adzuki bun for him. I knew he had had it before and would enjoy it. Then I got a wedge of nori wrapped sticky rice molded around an ume plum. I love ume and figured he and I could share my treat. Well, needless to say he liked his treat. He sampled mine and made a face, but at least he tried it. Then as we were munching and enjoying each other's company a black woman sat down outside. "That lady is scary." He said. "I think she is going to kill me and mommy."
Two women getting coffee and cheesecake tuned in to our conversation. I could feel them listening. "Why do you say that? Why do you think she is scary?" I asked. "Because she is angry and is going to kill people."
Hmmmm. I knew what the problem was, but talking about cuturally sensitive issues in public places is never much fun. It happened a few months ago during a Home Depot run. Everytime we passed a person with black skin Robert made some comment about them being scary. The killing thing is new and stems from exposure to older children. But, I acknowledge socialization is healthy even though it brings new challenges.
I live in Massachusetts. The area is culturally diverse and Robert has routinely seen and interacted with people of all nationalities and ethnicities. He has had black teachers and classmates at daycare and spent time with my Asian and Hispanic, and Romanian friends.
I am from Maine, one of the least culturally diverse states in the nation. But I have traveled extensively and worked and interacted with people of from all sorts of backgrounds. I know that I have some preconceived notions about culture. But I don't consider myself to be a racist. I notice race, but I don't let it play into my assesment of character.
I have explained that some people are born with different colors of skin, the same way some people are born female and some are born male. Its just the way we are born and different colors make the world a pretty and interesting place to live in. And, after he said that I repeated the same speech. I said that you couldn't tell what kind of a person someone was because of the color of their skin and that she was probably a nice lady. "No," he said to me, very seriously. "She's a scary lady. She wants to kill people.
Hoping he'll grow out of it.
H

 

Telivision, maybe? I mean, some shows and movies do inadvertently portray blacks that way.

I don't think this is a terribly big deal. When I was a little girl, I was afraid of another girl because I thought her eyebrows made her look scary (don't ask). She ended up becoming my best friend until middle school. Kids are really visual like that. This is a little more sensitive, so I can see why it's embarrassing in public, but I'm sure it'll pass.

 

Maybe he has a gift of seeing into people

 

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Like they say, out of the mouths of babes, right? My kids have embarassed me with with not-so-subtle remarks out in public many-a-time.

It could just be that your son sensed something about the woman that made him uneasy, but that it had nothing to do with the color of her skin. My oldest son, who is 6 years old, has made remarks out loud in public in the past such as "don't talk to me, I don't like you" to strangers and of course, I have turned red with embarassment. But the funny thing is, I myself didn't get too great of a vibe from those same people either, so he might have been picking up on the same thing. Kids really can sense things.

Kids really speak from what they are feeling, they don't think twice about it. Not that I condone "rude" behavior, but sometimes kids just say things and you have to take it in stride...and just try to smooth the rough patches as you go.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

hippychickmommy has much better ways of explaining things

 

yeh, I really notice my daughter relates with people on a really primal level when she meets them randomly...with friends and that it is different but if we are on the train and that days nutter says hi to her she reacts so differntly than if it is just a another random someone...and I am really aware of this so try to keep out of the interactions in order to let her go but it really doesn't change things, maybe she is reacting to the general vibe in the cariage or something but it is not somethng I am trying to engender. I do think that exposure to people of other races is really good for kids and just by luck my girl has been with kids of South African, Indian and Sri Lankan descent but I don't believe after watching her react that they associate it with badness or goodness rather she will tend to think that people that look like her friends are their brothers or sisters or relatives...at times like that I revel in their pureness and simple untouched outlook on life....

as she is of middle eastern appearancce herself I hope this will continue as she grow up!

 

Heheheh, what can I say? Sometimes I just have a way with words.