Feeling so dissilusioned

Its funny in a sad way.
growing up, i was always sure that i had my life figured out. I was going to be a famous artist and poet, sell my paintings, be shown at the most world famous art galleries, go to all the poetry slams. I wasn't going to try, I was going to do it.I was told all through school I could do it, that I had the ability and potential. I was so set on it. my heart was set on it.
Fast forward a few years.
the dream all but dies at the cruel hands of reality.
I work full time at a job I absolutely hate, up to my eyeballs in debt, no time or money for college, reading, writing, painting, anything.
Paid terrible and work my ass off, only to spend any spare time trying to gather my energy up.

I feel so dissilusioned. Of course this is not how I saw my life to end up. I was going to be the next Salvador Dali, the next Da Vinci, the next Frida Kahlo.
Silly, i know. But I believed it. i really did.

Can anyone relate? any advice?

 

Welcome to reality, kid!

Your worst fucking nightmare, modern life!

Now stop whining and do something about it! :cheers2:

ZW eace:

 

you're working full time?
dude you have all the time in the world.
start making art. start writing. just start

 

ah well, i thought we'd have saved the world by now, war and money and warring for money would be obsolete and we all be sharing the land that would be given away when we'd all be living together, together together. **sigh**

but at least you, as an individual, can pursue your dream on some kind of level. maybe you'll never be a famous artist (fame doesn't usually occur for artists until after they're dead anyway) but you can certainly recapture your muse and be creative for creativity sake. fill your home and the homes of your friends and family with the beauty only you can manifest. it does sounds like you need a new $$ job though and with the job situation being what it is right now you might be stuck for awhile. very frustrating, fer sure. but remember that artists project their emotions into and through their medium so when you're ready you can simply explode out of the mundane and rocket into expressing your truth, the frustration and disillusionment you're feeling now will be colorful aspects in your art.

 

Several things, Sappho,

You sound really stuck in a very tough place. Over here, I'm involved in depression close to home. The plan is Lexapro and tons of ongoing support. I'm not saying you are or aren't in a similar state of mind (you don't sound happy), but in many lives, there comes a time when a helping hand is needed.

Artistically, maybe your next piece can be something like, Getting Out of Soul-Fucking Debt.

The way to be a writer is to write for at least 2 hours every day. At some point, of course, nearly everyone thinks of the product. But at least for me, I wrote because I needed to write. I don't write anymore, except for myself, which is about where I started. Same probably true for art.

Have a look: Erika Lopez

Hey! Wishing you well!

 

Also Erika's Clog

 

lol, welcome to the cold place that almost all humans enter in their early 20s.
Just keep trying.

 

I guess I'm lucky. Don't think I ever had any ambition. Just ambled along, taking whatever easy course presented itself.

After about six decades of this I came up with a good body of life. It was mostly fun. I have even had a little writing and photography published, musings that were made by me for me and shared with others. (Not much money in that, just token payment)

Try to get over your expectations of fame, or really get ambitious and make it happen.

 

I work full time because otherwise I couldn't afford to pay my bills or support myself. I draw, write, and read, whenever I have the time.

 

Been on lexapro, the stuff brainwashed me and made me numb, so for me personally, I'm against anti depressants, psychiatrists, and any of that brain numbing stuff.
"soul fucking debt" I like that.

 

really? because my boyfriend and his little brother are around the same age and feel the same. we all feel so trapped and dissilussioned.

 

The next da vinci? Lmfao.

If you were you wouldn't be posting this. Da vinci wouldn't waste his time on such a childish thing. He'd spend every waking second painting, writing, experimenting exc.

 

Read this, it was written by a fellow forumer. http://www.hipforums.com/modules/Journal/viewentry.php?journalid=1509

 

Actually, as prolific as he was in many areas, da Vinci did waste time - it just went unnoticed since there wasn't TV or the Internets.

He was notorious for not finishing projects he started. Coulda had OCD or something.

 

first step it to concentrate on getting yourself out of debt..

im sure if you look around at what your in debt for a lot of it truly wasnt necessary. rarely is it..

you will be amazed at what the simple act of living whithin your means,or even below your means will do for you.

just because everyone around you lives a certain lifestyle or feels certain things are necessities doesnt mean they are.

IMO, living a simple life is the first step to happiness and freedom. getting out of debt is the first step to that..

 

Yeah me too.
I think it happens to everyone.

 

Why are you in debt? Are you in debt to afford items you don't need? Get rid of what you do not need, get out of debt and get the life you want. What makes you happy? You're art? Work the minimum amount of time in a week to pay for your necessities and spend the rest of your time making your art.

But I truly cant' give much advice as I'm in the same rat race myself. Trying to sell our first home so we never have to buy another house. I hated having a mortgage, I hated the entire thing. HATED. Would rather live in a skoolie and not have running water then go through this all again.

 

IT's not about money or your bills, it's about you.

If like Vangoff you find yourself willing to live in a
farm house and pump your own water and shit in
a outhouse, eat dandelions and spinach and stale
bread you may find that the real artist in you comes
out.
The modern world kills all artist, find a place where
you can be at peace, even if it means being broke and
starting over. Failing that I guess you were never the
artist you thought you were.

Peace
Dan

 

I truly don't understand how people think they are going to live their dreams past the age of 12 or so, I'm convinced that life sucks and will always suck no matter what I do about it.

 

yeah, but I think what you're referring to is called TEH EMO. And lack of personal responsibility.