figgerred I'd post this here, whaddya guys think?

I am ALWAYS working on about a thousand pieces at a time (generation ADD), and this is another of the ones I've been really looking forward to working on more
not much background needed, this would be the intro to a story that gets very twisted



It's starting to happen. I'm starting to really live the effects. My eyes feel heavy, not my eyelids, but my whole eye. I can feel it as my under-eyelids sag and as the flesh degenerates into a purple tinted gray. My eyes are so dry; my tear ducts are hollow, slowly leaking out an insufficient supply of saline as it builds. They feel over-baked and broken, cracked, dry as the Sahara in a drought. If it wasn't for that dryness – I couldn't feel my eyes.

Now, I feel like they disintegrated hours ago; like the images I see are created in my mind, and my head has deep empty pockets where my icy blue eyes once were. I imagine these deep empty sockets on my face. I see them as dark shadowy holes. I see them as flesh stretching over the canvas of my eye socket; canyons of skin. I see my mouth, my nose, my ears - every orifice, I see in this manner. Oddly enough, part of me thinks the image is really in front of me.

How is this possible? Is it a clone? Is it my reflection? What mirror can produce such realistic images? It's so dimensional... too dimensional, too realistic – real beyond real. What could this all mean? Am I an alien? What is this universe? My reflection! I have not seen my reflection in days.

This realization shocks me away from my mind's confused drift. I imagine myself as pale – pasty. I imagine I need a shave. I imagine my hair greasy and messy, I imagine my sickly figure as my mind fades away from the image. As I slowly realize, that I do not know what I look like for sure. My memory is blurred. Who were those images in my delusional thoughts? They were so generic. Were they me? Could they possibly be me? Am I even me? Is this some sort've movie?

Then, the drifting itself drifts away. 72 hours without sleep gives you well more than the effects of a night of casual drinking. Studies have shown people driving after being awake for periods over 17 hours without sleeping react the same as a person with a .05 blood-alcohol. Imagine how drunk my sleeplessness has me. In fact, by now I have ascended alcohol and am on too much more deceiving drugs. Of course, I have fallen asleep for a few minutes here and there, but that was only the first four or five days.

No, I do not have insomnia. No, I do not have a valid reason (that is, a legitimate justification for jeopardizing my health). I just prefer to not sleep. It numbs the darkness of the world. It makes everything as it should be. Everything; beautiful.

This is why I have done what I have done. This is my excuse; this is the cause of my actions;I like it. This is only the start.

I have reawakened something within me that I know will refuse to rest. I have done something horrible. I knew it would rekindle. I knew the strange flames of passion that lay dormant within me would combust. They will eventually blaze within my very chamber; my body and my soul will one day merge into one beautiful being, one day. I knew all of this would happen even before I decided to stop sleeping once again. I acted with complete disregard to the forthcoming consequences.

At first, I used external forms of energy. Coffee, mountain dew, countless brands of energy drinks, No-Doz and other energy-aiding pills, even ephedrine pills. I would have done coke if not for the extreme comedown. All of these others drugs, the comedowns can be resisted, they can be tolerated, coke is not so. Coke's comedown is too strong – useless to me.

The effects come slow at first, camouflaged by the effects of the drugs. Slowly however, the mild ones become evident. Then the heavier effects take place. Time is awkward, movement is strange. None of the universe makes sense. What was once simple is now a labyrinth of meaningless thoughts. These effects fade in and out, basically throughout the whole period.

You can feel yourself shutting down. You can sense the imminent crash. It won't ever come – not if you are doing it right. The right combination of drugs, compromise, determination, and timing will make you invulnerable to your body's tricks. The only way you can learn this is practice, and there is never reassurance, it is always a gamble. A slight miscalculation can cause a complete crash and take away your will to even attempt this feat for months.

Appetite – this is your body's strongest tool of persuasion. I have lost it long ago. This is what truly causes exhaustion. I have not been hungry for days. The thought of food makes my stomach feel inactive, desolate only because of disability, with no sense of active hunger. Yet, I know that at least at first, I must fulfill the energy in other ways. Soon my body will no longer need energy. My soul's hunger is growing, and once fulfilled it alone will fuel my existence.

The hunger. I remember the hunger. I remember that extreme feeling of necessity. How could I forget that painful need; that horrible seduction, that left me no choice but to succumb. The hunger that I can not withstand; the hunger that I love.

This hunger scares me. However, only because of what the hunger is for. Only because of the actions it will cause. Only because of the horror that I will become. The monster that I truly am, that is what frightens me. The idea that I live without remorse, that is what frightens me. These things, these terrible, frightening things, they are what excite me. They are what I truly desire. That is what frightens me the most.

 

well if you cant even spell the title properli I would say its shit and wont read it

 

this is a forum, on the internet, I find netspeak to be quite appropriate

but if you wish:
'I figured that I would post this here. What do you guys think?'

edit: haha bad time for a typo

 

I'm just gonna rewind time, because it would be a helluva (or hell of a) lot easier than convincing you guys that I really do (and did) know how to spell figured and that that was a genuine typo :tongue:

check the work up there, bet you there aren't (too) many spelling errors :tongue:

 

It reminds me of a video by the Gorillaz

that one where the dude turns up in a humvee in the desert

http://youtube.com/watch?v=adcdbfIoeW4

 

whoa I've only seen tidbits of that video before, it's fucking weird

 

the writing you did isnt bad - fairly good - whats it about???
I didnt really understand it

 

it's not suppossed to be too clear quite yet

and next it switches it's focus to another character, so that people can connect to it more, and just to leave people pondering abotu this past part I guess

but basically the guy likes sleep deprivation, but when he dreprives himself too much, strange uncontrollable urges come out (to be revealed later)
and the overall story explores the border between sanity and insanity (through questioning this guy's psyche) and is suppossed to be a psychological thriller of sorts

I wrote it when I was quite deprived of sleep myself, so it probably could use a bit of editing, but I will get around to that later