So, I log on and find a post below about a first experience at a gay bar...and his name is also Ian. How strange is that?! Here's my version, unfortunately not as good (not bad either though)... I'm 23, never been in a relationship, never been remotely intimate with a guy. I used to be quite heavy in high school. I've managed to lose a lot of weight, in many ways I feel great about how I look, but I still carry around a lot of self-consciouness. That's the short setup. My two gay friends (who are a couple) finally got me to a gay bar last night. They're fun guys, we had a blast, it was good night. That said, I left the bar feeling pretty down. I wasn't able to muster up the confidence to approach anyone...and worse, no one approached me. It just wasn't the first experience I was hoping for. Also, I had been semi-flirting with this one guy online. I knew he might show up; he did, and was very friendly. But I just closed up. He was really hot, and I just felt like I couldn't compare. I pretty much convinced myself he thought I was ugly. Today, I'm left with the feeling that I really need to do something about my self-confidence. It is really hindering me; I hate walking home from a night out feeling sorry for myself. It's terrible. I know I'm fairly good-looking guy with lots to offer, yet when push comes to shove, I can't seem to get past my insecurities. Can you guys offer any advice? Has anyone been through this? Now that you're on the other side, what do you wish you knew then? What did you have to do get to a better place? Sometimes I think if I had a smooth, rock -hard body all of my problems would be solved (I am working out, but I'll never be a sex symbol)...but I know it can't be that easy. I'm ready to work through some things and build up my confidence, so anything you can throw my way would be a huge help! Thanks!
Update! Okay, I hope someone has a response to this one... So, the guy I've been flirting with online...he messaged me the next day and suggested we do something! Yay. We went out. It was lotsa fun. Totally relaxed, things weren't awkward at all. I think he's a total sweetie. But now I'm so confused. I definitely have a crush on him, but I have NO idea where he stands. Were we just going out as two friends? Would he entertain the idea of something more? God...I feel like such a highschool kid. I guess most people get to go through this when they are younger, so come 23 they have a better grasp on things. I'm totally clueless! We will most definitely do something again, I'm sure. We've talked online a few times since the "date". I just don't know in what capacity. My confidence is still terrible...but I'm on a high right now and would totally be willing to make a move. A subtle one. I'm a hopeless romantic...I don't want sex this early on, but SOME form of affection to see where we are at. Sorry to sound like a gushy little girl. I really have no gay friends. I feel silly talking to my girlfriends who've "been there, done that". I need some advice from some fellow gay dudes. Help!
take things slow. Never come off too eager. It is rare he would have went out with ya if he didn't want something or like ya. Whether it is for sex or something more serious you will find out only in time my friend.
First of all, congratulations on your first gay bar experience. I've never had the opportunity of being in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship before so I guess my advice isn't very solid. Me, I would ask him if he wants to do something like that again. It shows that you have an interest in him, and it will boost your confidence when he agrees to go. A simple, "I had a blast last time, did you want to go out again some time?" should do the trick. I can't imagine him just saying "no." Then just decide on a day and time. Just have fun with him. Talk, get to know him, tell him a little about yourself. Relationships take time to develop and the only way to do that is to do things with him and spend time with him. As MatthewShane said, don't come off as too eager. He wouldn't be going out with you if he didn't have an interest in you. Maybe it will be just friends, but maybe more. Time will tell. Good luck, Ian, and keep us updated. -Ian
Hey,Ian.. I think you've gotten some really good advice so far.This may sound very simplistic,but be yourself,act naturally.I could never *rationally *logically make much sense of my emotions,emotions are not logical.Not mine anyways lol.It sounds like you really had a good time.Keep aiming to have a good time,..Have fun,don't rush anything,enjoy the time together be yourself and get to know him,and just let things unfold without worry,trust that you'll know how to handle things when they happen,..take it slow....... (I'm jealous,..LOL) Let us know how it works out. Best of luck to ya,. Peace and Love, Joey*
Thanks so much guys. I think I just needed to take a big, deep, metaphorical breath, lol. I feel better now.
