Frightened of Pregnancy.

So as you all probably already know, last month I went through an abortion.
Now I am on birth control pills, and I am currently ALSO using polyurethane condoms COMBINED with withdrawal...
And yet, I am still frightened that I will become pregnant every time I have sex, and I am praying that period comes ASAP.

I don't know when to expect my period now, because of the abortion [it can take 4-8 weeks] and because I have to switch my birth control pills to a different one starting next week...

The fear of getting pregnant is so intense I can't even describe it in words. I would just abstain, however, my fiancee already seems a bit stressed over my new phobia. Though he understands completely, he rationally understands that the chances of me getting pregnant while combining all these different birth control methods are very very very slim, but I am irrationally fearing that it's going to happen at any moment. I'm afraid to even sleep naked next to him right now, and it's ridiculous.

Does anyone have any idea how can I get over this fear, and start rationalizing????? It's driving me batty!!!

 

my exact answer

well not really, my version was harsher towards him and had a few profanties, but ya know

if he wasn't a total cock he would show his understanding by laying off of you

 

You should ask your fiancee to abstain for 4-8 weeks, so you know when your period is back. Then, when you start your new birthcontrol and/or get your period, you can get back down to business.

That's pretty selfish of him. Right now your body and mind are going through a lot, I imagine, having to deal with your abortion and your other problems you've been having (Which I'm hoping you're still dealing with alright). You're allowed to be afraid of getting pregnant and going through the whole abortion again. You're allowed to be afraid of getting pregnant and not wanting sex right now. So, please, don't feel bad or feel like you have to do something just because he's stressed. This is your body.
Your fears aren't irrational. Stuff happens. And, I'm guessing by what you've posted, your fears aren't going to be put to rest until you know for sure that your period is back and when you can expect it each month.

Just talk to your fiancee. If you decide abstaining is what YOU need to do, do it. If he cares for you and your feelings, he'll comply. Stressful or not, if you need to abstain, you need to abstain.
Good luck and take care of yourself.

 

^^^ she said what i was gonna say

 

The problem with my fiancee isn't that he's not understanding, but rather he has an issue with thinking he's invinceable most of the time. Last night I told him that in between 4 and 8 weeks I might take a pregnancy test just to make sure and ease my fears so that I don't continue to freak out about it in between that time, and he just rolled his eyes and said "You're not pregnant, and you're not going to get pregnant with your new methods of birth control"

But this is also what he said when I got a pregnancy test when I actually WAS pregnant. He seems to always have this continuous thought that "It can't happen to us" And even though it already did, he still seems to carry that attitude. It takes a lot for him to learn that shit can happen.

Anyway, the biggest struggle I'm dealing with isn't him. If I tell him I want to abstain, I know he will comply... I simply hate the fact that I'm afraid to have sex, and that I'm afraid to get pregnant again. It's this neverending fear I have throughout the day, and it's wearing me thin, really.

It's quite stressful.

 

If this is a fertility tracker, when I mentioned that one other time, a few people told me that being on birth control it won't work....

??

 

It did already happen, though. I guess it's different on that side of the spectrum not having to have gone through what you went through....yes, he was there for you, but YOU had to do it yourself. If taking that pregnancy test will make you feel better, do it.
Maybe you should talk to a pro about what you're feeling. Did the clinic you went to offer counseling? You might have to go through counseling. Or, maybe talk to other women who've gone through the same thing as you and ask what they did to get over the fear of getting pregnant again.

 

Yeah, I think it's awkward to him, having been mostly on the outside while I experienced this. He was there each time I went to the clinic [I had to go once for a pre-abortion counseling, then the abortion, and then a follow up] and he has been a great support. He came into the counseling with me as well as the ultrasound and learned about the procedure, saw the ultrasound photograph and everything, so he knows the facts, but again, he hasn't actually felt, what I had felt.

Being that you're pregnant, I'm sure you know this too that... you can't possibly fathom what it is like to be pregnant until you actually are. I was an outsider too, of those who have been pregnant and/or went through abortions... But I didn't grasp it, because it's one of those things you have to firsthandedly experience.

The abortion itself did not traumatize me, and I am happy with my decision. It wasn't much physical pain either. The pregnancy is what traumatized me, though. Not just because of the timing [struggling with an ED] and the fact that it was unexpected, but the pregnancy itself. The feeling that something was growing inside me was rather disturbing than it was "beautiful" to me, as it is some/a lot of women. And that eerie feeling, is the exact feeling that I'm fearing right now as we speak.

Waking up every morning, knowing that I was pregnant, and thinking there was something inside of me fucked with my head royally, and I'm afraid of ever feeling that again.

I actually talked to my man about having a vasectomy once we are married and he's old enough to go through with it [they usually are more leniant with the ages of men and permanent sterilization than they are with women] so he's thinking about it, and I have a good feeling that he will go forth with it when he's able to.

I honestly do not want kids of my own. At this point and time, I don't want kids period, but I have always always had the desire to adopt if I ever did want a child. I never want to experience pregnancy, ever again. It's just not for me.

Anyhow, I'm thinking of talking to my therapist about it when I meet with her next, which I think is next week sometime. I have always been pretty sexual by nature, and to fear sex and pregnancy makes me feel icky.

 

I find it crazy that from a few sentences everyone knows your finacee well enough to judge both him and your relationship with such certainty. This isn't help people.

If you've got a phobia that intense, go to a councilor. Any phobia that impacts sex can sometimes find itself remanifesting in odd ways later. Nip it in the bud while you can.

 

Thanks.

I am not on here to complain about my fiancee, he has done a lot for me throughout this entire process. Not many men would be willing to sit next to their woman, holding their hand WHILE they're getting an abortion, and he did. Most of the men that came with their woman at the clinic, sat in the waiting room when they were called up.

He's willing to do a lot for me, and you really don't know the half of it. He's been by my side whenever I need him to be, no matter which friend of his calls, or what occurs, he's there. I've been pretty emotionally demanding since all of this, and he has held up really well, without complaint.

And he's not completely ignorant about it, because he's a lot more willing to abstain now that this has happened than in the past... He just thinks I shouldn't worry so much. And I don't blame him for not understanding why I worry, because he's not the one who had to actually experience it firsthand. He's not the one who actually had things happen to his body, both physically and mentally during that time.

If what I said, came off as he's not willing to abstain, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding but that's not what I'm trying to say. Whenever I tell him I don't feel comfortable having sex right now, he says "Okay" and we carry on. Just because he doesn't understand totally why I am afraid of getting pregnant while using several different methods of birth control, does NOT make him a jerk. He's more right than I am, considering I KNOW that the chance of me getting pregnant is slim to none... but fears are never rational.

Sure, I don't doubt that my fear is completely normal or common for someone who has experienced what I have, but that still doesn't mean it's rational.

And, although he doesn't mind abstaining, I do feel that abstaining puts somewhat of an emotional stress on our relationship. We are both very sexual people, and like to express our love for each other THROUGH sex, not just him, but me too, so it's difficult to be dealing with this. Of course I WANT to have sex with him, I love him, and he's attractive, and I have needs too.... I simply am afraid of feeling what I felt a month ago when I was pregnant.

I was writing about my fear, and looking for suggestions on how to start rationalizing with myself and becoming more comfortable about having sex again... Not about how much of a "jerk" my fiancee is. I think I'm smart enough to know if someone is treating me right, and I wouldn't be engaged to him if I felt I was being mistreated.

My fear doesn't just go along with sex either though... I'm just deathly afraid of becoming pregnant, period. Like I said, I even worry about sleeping naked with him, or that if he has leftover semen on his hand, to not touch me there... things like that, that are completely IRRational.

If you're just going to post about how much of a jerk my fiancee is because he doesn't understand what it's like to be pregnant, then please do not reply at all. It just makes me angry.

 

after i had my abortion i was really scared to get pregnant again too... i cried the first several times we had sex and there was a huge strain on our relationship... i almost had to be forced into having sex again and being okay with it. Now that i think about it my lack of sexual desire could be somewhat attributed to that... since having the abortion i told myself and my fiance that i wouldn't do it again.. once is one time too many. even though it was the right decision it shouldn't have had to be done, we should have been more careful. i think men have an easier time dissassociating themselves with the whole thing... they don't really know what's going on ya know?

i'd suggest for you to really take things slow... if you just do not feel comfortable having sex right now then don't. all that stress associated with having sex is just going to make it worse. if you want to compromise with your fiance you might want to try other things besides intercourse though... that's probably the best choice really... still be sexually intimate without risking pregnancy.

 

As far as NFP goes, if you're on the pill, you shouldn't be ovulating. If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can take your temp every day and chart it and then you can VERIFY that you aren't ovulating.


Check this site out

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ttc/login.php?redirect=/ttc/index.php&

It is for trying to conceive, but I use it to chart my cycle and I am NOT trying to conceive, its just easier than trying to keep track of paper in my house (i have a 2yo and a 4 month old)

 

You are using many forms of birth control so you will not get pregnant! You're only 19. Almost EVERY woman I know at that age says that they NEVER ever want children, but your mind may change when you hit your 30s or so!! I know many mamas who said they never wanted children, but they changed their minds and are very happy about being a mama! There's no need for your fiance to get steralized because what if you two change your minds? It'll be way too late! Yes adoption is get and I hope you do adopt, but it is in our nature to have children of our own. I'm not saying people should have a lot of children, but I do believe it's in our nature to have at least one. I know there are many women who never have children in their lives, but how on earth do you know how you will be thinking when you're like 30+? All I am saying is really think before you make anything perminate procedures on you or your future husband.

 

That's good that he was there for your pre counseling. It shows he's supportive. Maybe he just doesn't know how to handle you being freaked out about becoming pregnant again....it's new and different. You two should talk it all out....make him listen to what you have to say. Y'know, just to get everything off of your chest. It might make you feel a little more relieved; hopefully he'll be able to put your mind at ease with more than just 'You won't get pregnant'.

Yes. You have to experience something like that, which males can't possibly do, in order to really get it. I don't know what you're going through right now as I wasn't faced with the 'this will be best for the child and my body' decision you had to face. But, I do know the fear of ending up pregnant when you aren't expecting it.

That's fantastic that you're still happy with your decision. I had a friend that had an abortion and she was fine until about 3 months later and lost it.
Being pregnant is a weird experience, some women handle it differently.
Do you know any other women who've had abortions that have had the same feelings you're having now? They might be able to help you, since they have gone through the same situation.

You can say for certain that you never want children, but can he say for sure he'll NEVER want kids, good luck with the vasectomy. They are reversible, but not guarenteed to be able to be reversed.

That's wonderful. Adoption is a good thing. There are plenty of children that need loving families to go to.

Good luck and keep us posted about that visit!
I'm sure that you'll get better, but you'll need healing time. You've been through a lot these past months. Take it easy.
Love and luck.

 

In Australia they don't let anyone in while the abortion is happening.
We both cried when the doctors told us he couldn't be with me.
That was really nice of them to let him in with you... They gave us some crap about standard operation procedure rules... only medical personelle.

It's beautiful he was there with you, I guess he just doesnt understand what you feel now. In such a traumatic time, for them to have a heart and allow him to be there is wonderful.

That is what hurt me the most about the whole thing... that it was something we created together yet they disregarded him because it wasn't in his body. I know lucky isn't the best choice of word but you were lucky to have had him beside you. We both would have given anything to be together when it happened to me.

 

I know, I was very grateful that the nurses and doctors were so cooperative to let him be there with me every second of the way. And at first I didn't think he'd want to be in there with me while going through with it, and he WAS really nervous, but he knew it meant a lot for me for him to be there, and afterwards he was really glad he was there, because he knew how much that helped me through.

He also helped me a lot by praising me for being so strong about it and taking it like a champ...though that sounds silly, it helped to be told I was strong when I felt most vulnerable.

In a way though I think part of the reason he isn't understanding me right now, is because I don't think he took the abortion as well as I do. I can see, even though he doesn't say so, that in some ways it hurt him... I think that he feels like it was a problem with him, and I can totally see why he would think that because it was something we created together, and he doesn't seem ashamed or regretful of it. But, I am, and I think that bothers him a little. But it isn't a problem with him... at all. And it's difficult for me to just tell him that, and him to just be secure with it.

Moon flower, this brings up something you said too... because, I think he sort of enjoys the idea of having a child with me one day, and I think it slightly bothers him that I don't want to. He knows I would rather adopt, but he seems more keen on the idea of creating something with me... But, it's just not for me, and I can guarantee it never will be. The minute I found out I was pregnant and started crying and said that I had to get an abortion, he said, "Well...that's okay... we can always have a kid in the future" And I said, "NO!" I wasn't very nice about it at the time, given the current situation I was dealing with.... Usually I would have chosen better words, and wouldn't have had such a harsh tone in my voice, but the idea of a child, PERIOD, at that point just irritated me more so than it does usually. And he looked a little taken aback by the way I responded.

He understands that it is my body, and he would never push an idea like having a child with me, onto me or burden me with it... But I think deep down he really wishes I was more accepting of the idea, or at least, less angry about the situation. And I think he feels bad too, because he knows that he was part of the creation, and I have said several times since it happened that getting pregnant has ruined my life.

I know it might sound like I'm not being very mature, but I cannot help the fact that I feel this way. I should probably be handling it more maturely with my fiancee, but I also feel like I need him to know how intense I feel about it.

I know I need to sit down and talk with him, and I have already, but I think what's most important is for him to talk to me as well, but he has a hard time being open about things like this because I think he worries that he's going to make me feel bad. It's sweet that he puts my feelings first the way he does, but sometimes that's bad because then things bother him.

I will figure something out...and I'll try talking with him tonight. And if it doesn't end up being on its way to some sort of solution, when I speak with my therapist, I will gather some more ideas from her.

 

Stop fucking like rabbits and make him pullout! Combine that with birth control and you have a good chance of not getting preggers.

 

You showed maturity by not bringing a child into this world you know would be unhealty. You knew it wouldn't be good for either of you and you terminated the situation before it was too late.

 

Clearly you didn't read very much.

I am using birth control, making him pull out, AND using polyurethane condoms. I am just scared of it happening again.

ugh.