Funniest hate mail ever, EVER

Edit:Incidentally this is in fact fan mail, not hate mail....



From: Jonathan Kraft
Date: Tuesday, April 8, 2003 1:48 AM
To: Modified Living
Subject: Possible partnership?

Perhaps I should introduce myself… My name is Jonathan Kraft. I live in Colorado and graduated last year from UNC. Now you’re thinking of North Carolina, but it’s actually the University of No Credit… otherwise known as the University of Northern Colorado. I operate www.*****4impact.com and my most recent project is www.******advice.com. I came across your site after finding your FRAT guy humor at linkdump.be.


Jonathan, first off, who the hell do you think you are? University of No Credit? What the fuck man? Who starts an email off like that? Is that goddamn humor? I'm ashamed to even put up your real URLs because I don't want to be associated with them; they are horrible. Life out man, kill yourself.
You seem like a pretty cool guy! I wanted to offer you the top 5 reasons we should do a link trade between our sites:


7. (Okay, so I added this one.) My site features beautiful European women who I actually know and are my friends. They are featured on my Germany Photos Index page. What could be better than beautiful European women who I actually know? Well…?

Link trade? This isn't like trading baseball cards in the 3rd grade man. I don't know what you take me for, but I'm not going to promote your whore of a website. "What could be better?" Perhaps you shutting the hell up, you worthless piece of random garbage.

6. (and this one was added too… sorry ‘bout that) My site receives over 25,000 visits/month and it keeps going up. People love me! They really love me! Okay, so I’m a nerd! And I’m like you to tell all my friends how excited I am about getting so many visits. Do they really care? I think about 3 of my friends actually care, but they only care because I care. Oh well. Such is the life of NERDdom.

No one cares Kraft, no one cares.

5.You’re a funny person. People like people who are funny. I like people who are funny. My people would like to see you being funny.

Dude, I really have no idea what you are getting at with this point.

4.You play club lacrosse for Bucknell! That’s awesome! You’re a midi who huffs and puffs and runs the length of the field every game, holding onto your shaft. I was a Def player myself, so my stick is longer. They say it’s not how long your stick is, but how you handle your stick that really counts (but we all know the truth).

First off, by stalking me and figuring out I play lacrosse, no less the midfield position, is just scary. Secondly, I'm not sure what angle you were going with on your point, but you came across as highly homosexual. All the homoerotic phallic references make me want to vomit.

3.Check out my site. It’s already been established that you’re a pretty cool guy… upon visiting my page, you’ll see that I’m a pretty cool guy too. Pretty cool guys should stick together.

No John, nothing you do will ever be pretty cool.

2..You make fun of sorority girls and FRAT guys (even though you are friends with sorority girls and are a Fraternity Man). We have like soooo much in common!

1.If you don’t link to my page, the little white rabbit gets it. AND I MEAN IT! .... ½. I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.

Sincerely, Jonathan Kraft
P.S. Think about the little white rabbit. Do it for him.


I really am at a loss of words. Normal people don't write, talk or think like this. I don't know what else to say man. You are a weirdo.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

this is beyind genius, beyond dammit

 

shmeh. S'not that great.

 

how can you say that? his comments are brilliant!

 

They're better on other hate mails. Also, i cant escape the fact that that mail had absolutely no hate...


Edit: i jsut saw your edit, sorry

 

i agree with chris..i didn't find any of it funny..

 

I cried with laughter

 

at which bits?

 

All of it but especially these bits

"First off, by stalking me and figuring out I play lacrosse, no less the midfield position, is just scary. Secondly, I'm not sure what angle you were going with on your point, but you came across as highly homosexual. All the homoerotic phallic references make me want to vomit."

"I really am at a loss of words. Normal people don't write, talk or think like this. I don't know what else to say man. You are a weirdo."

 

the funniest thing there is that he plays lacrosse .

 

That looks like a fun game

 

hah wow google makes it seem really macho.. my mum used to play it at school

 

i play it naked

 

Is it wrong that that arouses me?

 

No its perfectly normal

 

Good good, i will resume life as normal(ish)

 

Just keep these words in mind:

• Shaft and Balls
• Muddy fields
• Swedish nymphettes
• Pimpass Hugh

 

Ah yess, with your badass suit and all

 

oui oui

 

down with the british

 

oui oui!