Girlfriend doesn't want me doing drugs anymore

So I dated this girl for just over 3 years, then we broke up a few months ago, but have since been slowly getting back together. About a week ago, I finally decided that I was ready to officially go out with her again, but she wants to be sure I'm fully ready to commit to her. Anyway, we do lots of drugs together. We smoke weed most days, and do acid 3 or so times a month. Yesterday, she decided that she'd had enough, and she no longer wanted part of that, and to be with her, I too needed to quit. She's a health nut, and she wants to get healthy again, and doesn't want me polluting my body and mind. What should I do. I really want to be with her, but I don't know if I can be satisfied living a drug-free lifestyle when it's not even my choice. Furthermore, she's moving 3 hours away in a month and if we don't pursue a relationship, she doesn't think she can stay friends with me.

 

If it was me I'd pull the plug. But its your decision, which do you like more getting stoned or hanging out with her.

 

I like getting stoned with her.

 

Life is full of choices--there's one now.Make your choice and live with it.(From an objective viewpoint she's making a very good decision,but do you want to live by someone elses decision?) Dilemas come by the bucketfull over and over.

 

i say if you love her then try quitting. if you love the drugs more though you will just resent her. whatever you do, don't tell her you will quit for her and then do it anyways and lie about it.

 

^What scratcho said. Actually, I've had some experience with this because my wife is so anti-drug unlike me. But I decided our relationship was more important than getting high and besides, my attitude towards weed was if it was there and someone was willing to share it then :sifone: :hurray: and if there was none then

I did talk to her about my views on marijuana however. I told her that we would just have to agree to disagree on marijuana, but that I didn't mind not smoking weed if it bothered her and that I chose our relationship over smoking.

 

personal freedom, make a decision and embrace it
if i were you i'd say to my lady, i accept you and your choice to not engage in the same recreation i do, and i'd like the same acceptance from you
she's not accepting you for who you are and she's trying to control what you do with your body and mind. something to think about.

 

OP: The thing about "living by someone else's decision" is that you still are making a choice to do so. And some people don't want to do that, and some people are willing to. So you'll have to choose which one you value more. And yeah, having to make choices like that sucks - but that's life. We make choices, sometimes hard ones, and we live with them. Which choice are you willing to live with?

 

also, to add something.. this isn't about choosing between drugs or a chick. you don't have to make that choice. it's HER CHOICE to give you an ultimatum, she is the one saying "i will leave if you don't leave mary/lucy." you have the right to stand up and say "this is who i am, this is what i do, take me or leave me."

people who pull this ultimatum bullshit are about manipulating and controlling.

 

Isn't saying "this is who i am, this is what i do, take me or leave me" an ultimatum in itself? After all, this is exactly what his girlfriend is saying: "This is who I am, someone who does not take drugs and does not want her partner to take drugs, take me or leave me."

 

The thing is, once a partner issues an ultimatum, you HAVE to make a choice. Even refusing to make a choice is a choice.

OP: I'm not saying you shouldn't stand up to your girlfriend. I think you should at least speak up (if you haven't done that already). Be careful though. DazedGypsy has a point: issuing an ultimatum is an act of manipulation. Which means if you issue your own ultimatum you're basically attempting to manipulate as well. So you might want to think carefully about how you address this issue with your girlfriend.

I'm writing and revising as I think so I might not be communicating clearly.

 

When a person issues an ultimatum ("take it or leave it"), he/she basically states his/her position, digs in, and leaves the other to decide his/her own position. When that other issues his/her own ultimatum, then they are deadlocked. It's a stalemate. Clearly something has to give. Someone has to make the decision to either yield or leave. A compromise might also be reached, but only if both parties ARE willing to hear each other and compromise.

So maybe you can try that. Anyway, best of luck to you whatever you decide. :cheers2:

 

a compromise would definitely be the best if the two of you can agree on one!

 

Find a compromise. See if she would be cool with you quiting the daily/monthly use, and just using every once in a while when out with the guys or something....and keep everything put away at all times.

But like someone else said....don't continue to use and lie about it. If you have to lie about doing something then it's not worth doing.

 

hmmm, ask yourself...

when was the last time i was sober for 6 months? for an entire year? have i been cheating myself out of life's many opportunities by smoking so much and dropping nearly every weekend? am i thinking long-term?


i'd never change myself for a girl. and thank god i have never had a controlling girlfriend. however, i used to smoke everyday. i'd smoke every hour on most days. and i was dropping acid nearly as frequently as you are. i had a wake up call, i realized i was stagnating. i decided to quit for as long as i could and start "leveling up" my character again. i can see myself smoking again, but not nearly as often, dropping acid maybe once a year. but, for me, moderation is everything and drugs have been put on the back burner so i can actually accomplish some real goals.

what i'm saying is... have a wake-up call at some point and get real. we can't all live in an acid house forever, even if time is an illusion lol. but by no means have some girl rushing you to do anything. ultimatums suck.




edit:have you thought that maybe your continued drug use is a temptation that she is trying to avoid by moving away and "starting over" as it were. however her ultimatum is an attempt to give you the option to come with her into this new phase of her life.

 

touche. i guess i see it slightly different though, as this dude has been challenged with her ultimatum just by being him, which she was totally cool with before. him saying "this is who i am" is just his response to her ultimatum. (if he goes w/that)

it kinda sounds like she waited until they were back together to drop this bomb... putting the burden on him and this is where the manipulation comes in.

 

:cheers2: I see your point. Especially after I reread his first post:

"Yesterday, she decided that she'd had enough, and she no longer wanted part of that, and to be with her, I too needed to quit."

Sounds rather abrupt to me. I mean okay, she decided to stop taking drugs. And she probably needs her partner to help her stick to that commitment.

But she can get that support by simply asking her partner not to take drugs in her presence, not to offer her drugs, or invite her to events or gatherings where drugs are going to be taken.

Maybe she's just being overzealous? Not excusing her manipulativeness though. Just saying that it seems like in her zeal for her new commitment, she felt the need to drag her boyfriend in with her.

 

^^ right on and cheers, i see your points also :cheers2:

 

I would say, she's got a fear that your gonna choose drugs over her one day, and shes taking the extreme and making you quit to prove something to her, she's got control issues...

unless you think you got a drug problem? maybe shes tryin to help you, but if your doing good, and i think you are obviously you got a girl, shes just scared of what i said above.

its down to you though, what do you care about more, drugs or her? cuz if you wanna leave and find someone that'll accept your drug use, thats always an option.

 

Thanks for everyone's help. All very insightful responses. She's moving away to study nutrition. I accept that I do drugs too often. Weed is especially bad for being focused on life. But LSD has done nothing but improve my life. I used to just not care for nature and now it is one of my passions. I could make a career out of it. Yet, I feel there is still much to be learnt. I haven't had any huge revelations from acid, because I've never done more than 2 tabs.

I think the real issue here is that if she doesn't comprimise, it's declaring that she is right and I am wrong. I asked her what she thought of this, and she thinks she is right. But I believe strongly that there is no right and wrong. If I don't back down, then it's not that I think I am right, it's that I think I have the right to live life how I want. I'm perfectly happy to stop weed and cigarettes. But to cut out all drugs, when I don't even believe in that decision, I don't think that can work. I can't imagine having a social life, hanging out with my friends, doing the things I like to do, and not have any sort of drug. It depresses me to think about that. Does that make me boring? Reality sucks for everyone, and I've found a way to make life more interesting, and get more value out of it.