Girlfriend unwilling to have sex...

Right, here's the story: Me and my GF have been in a relationship for little over a year and a half. I love her more than anything in the world, but our sexual relationship isn't so good. We have had sex 3 times over the last 9 months, and i'm starting to get pretty depressed now. I don't know what it is, but I want to always do sexual things with her, she is sooooo sexy, everytime we meet I say that she is sexy, although she denies it, and never ever compliments me on any of my aspects, but that's a different story! I understand that she may not want to do things as often as I want to, but everytime we plan to have sex, she is really awkward and starts arguments over nothing, and the concequence is that we don't have sex when we planned. Although if we don't plan it and I spring it on her, she just plainly says no... I don't know if she does it on purpose, but I think i'm going into a despression. She never starts anything sexual off, for the past 15 months i've been initiating all sexual contact... I just don't know what to do anymore...

 

3 times thats sucks....
i duno what you should do either..

im sorry im just kinda in shock... and dont know what to say

 

It sounds like she has some kind of issues above and beyond not wanting to have sex. Perhaps you should try to discuss it with her.

 

Perhaps SHE'S depressed. Depression can wreck havoc on a libido.

 

did u ask her why she doesnt wanna have it??

 

I am truly sorry to say this...but if she just "stopped" having sex with you, and doesn't initiate it at all then she could be seeing someone else???

Just throwing that out there but hopefully not. I know from experience.

 

ouch

it is a possibily tho unfortuneatly

but yeah hopefully not

 

there could be a lot of reasons for this... try talking to her specifically about it. ask her if she wants to seek help. she may want to consider personal therapy if she has any issues.

 

What were the first 9 months of the relationship like? What happened at the 9 month mark that changed things?

 

3 times in 9 months

she has some issues
you need to try n talk to her

 

I dated a chick just like this. I hung on to her for almost 5 years before she told me she was a lesbian.

IMO if someone isn't interested in sex the relationship isn't meant to work... I feel for you man, I really do.

 

Thanks for all of your replies. Yes I do ask her about it, although it gets me nowhere... she just says I'm being pathetic and sex isn't that important, then when I try to explain that I think that it's important we start arguing 'cos she says that all I want from her is sex, when I don't, otherwise I wouldn't have been with her for the past 18 months. She doesn't seem to get it at all.

That doesn't sound like a nice story, you must've loved her a lot.

Indeed, and all of them weren't really that good as we never got to finish because of timing... we are hardly ever alone in my house.

 

Has she been raped or molested?

Could screw up someone's perspective of sex as an act of love making

But I would not ask unless you want to take a chance at Seriously upsetting or offending her

Do you have a mutual friend that may be more insightful into her past and feelings than us? But be careful how you approach the subject, if you so choose to do so.

Good luck!

 

No, she lost her virginity to me, but I can understand if she did get raped, I wouldn't have a problem, but I just can't tell what's going on inside her head, why she really doesn't want to have sex.

 

you guys need to sit down and have an honest, open talk with each other. unfortunately, you cant force her to talk to you about this kind of stuff. it sounds like she probably naturally has a bit of a low libido, plus other stuff going on (stress, depression, whatever)

 

I really want to know.

It's not just that you two aren't having sex. She is also refusing to communicate with you. There is obviously some sort of major issue here, and after 18 months, you don't know her well enough to have any clue what it is.

Why is she still with you? Is she physically affectionate with you in a non-sexual way? Does she tell you that she loves you, and if so, does she seem to mean it?

Why are you putting up with an unresponsive, uncommunicative, inscrutable girlfriend?

 

if she isn't giving you what you want, you are going to have to just TAKE it

 

Tlymiettlyt?

 

I think you guys should look into relationship therapy.

'Just talking' clearly isn't working.

May be time for a mediator.

 

It seems unlikely she'd be willing to go...but you could go without her, if she won't go. Your needs are valid. She's not addressing you as a fully human being.