Here's the situation. What would you think of a 16 year old girl (soon to be 17) moving from her home to live in a romantical relationship with a 40 year old man that she met online and doesnt know in person. They are in love, what are your thought about it.. is it good or bad and why?
I personally think is wrong, because I feel that a 16 year old is still going through a lot of changes to make such a serious decision/commitment. Also as a teenager you are still figuring out who you are, what you want, no matter how mature you think you are at that age.. I think we can all look back and say what was I thinking? Also you are so susceptible to outside influence that you get carried and this is besides the law.. Im ignoring that, I just think the things I just said are why that law exist in the first place. But Im open to hear others opinion on this situation.
I deffinetely think its just everything about the whole situation together. Im not one to judge on big age gap relationships...since im in one. But not that big of an age gap. I think its being forced rather then happening in a healthy way. Big steps are being made that even adults make mistakes with. From never meeting to living with.....ah.
I can't even see that as love... more like coersion on this 40-year-old man's part. Parents should call the cops and get dateline to investigate this perv.
well i'm not going to vote since i find the wording of the poll impossible to know enough about the situation to make a judgment call but since this is in the true love forim lets assume for a momment the possibility of true love in the situation, and i'll just give my opinion based on the observation of freinds whove been in the same situation, both from the younger girls side & the older guys, & i can say ive seen it go both ways & its highly dependent on the individuals example ..a freind ive known a number of years now i met while traveling, she was 16 at the time but very much a worldly soul..wise, someone people looked up to, that same week we met shed also met this guy, 65, a gentle kind man, quiet, not really an in your face personality, but odviosly a nice guy..they became freinds & she went to stay with him, fell in love & have been quite happy ever since i met her (and more recently him), they odviosly have a really good relationship, its lasted through several years & counting, theyve lived together since the week they met & have no real issues (except perhaps the most minor of the typical issues couples face, but far less severe then the average you might see in couples with or without any age gap..& today in her mid 20's shes as sure of herself & her relationship as she was at 16..ofcourse not every 16 year olds as specialas she was at the time (and still is today..shes well known by mamny as being just 1 of those special people) on the other hand i knew a guy around 40 something (passed away now from long term illness) had freind from canada, theyd been freinds since she was young bothonline & pennpals & semi regular calls..over the coarse of a year & 1/2 theyd gotten real close as freinds & a few weeks before her 17th birthday they met & realized they were in love (probably had beenlonger then they admitted it since theyd been so close already)..i knew him more then her but she seemed quite happy right up untill the month or so before his death..that was about 2 years ago he passed, i ran into her this year, she was still struggling to cope with her loss but she was thankful for every momment they did spend together the law is there to protect the innocent from those with intentions of malice to prey on the innocent, but does not take into account that love can happen to anyone at any age at anytime, how many couples have you met who fell in love at age 5, & were inseperable into theyre 80's? (not many these days granted, but it still happens) arent we jumping to conclusions about intentions when we just say lock up everyone & call em a perv if they happen to fall in love before some magical birthday that somehow when you blow out the candles grants you the magical wish of maturity & sensabiity? i'm with someone now much younger then i, 20..an amazing person, the most amazing i ever met.. at 15, she was mature enough to work in an operating room, mature enough to be elbow deep in a mans chest or have her fingers inside an exposed brain, mature enough to save a life but not mature enogh to know who she loved? every person matures at a different rate & some are capable of making good decisions earlier then others.. how can anyone say its tright or wrong without knowingthe people & the details? is he going to harm or control her? if so, any age, its wrong..is he going to love & protect her? if so id saytheres at least the possibility its right mayb e instead of making assumptions based solely on numbers maybe get to know the intentions involved does he say stuff like "i'm gonna get me some sweet yopung ass" then yea hes just after a sick sexual conquest but lets say he just talks about all her other amazing qualities, & admires & respects hrer as a person above all could it be wrong? yes, could it be right? possibly but couldnt every love you ever have be wrong as well depending on the long term outcome? i cant say from what was posted here yes its wrong or yes its right, only that it could be either.. was there luring involved? or was it something that developed over time, was discussed from every angle & approached maturely fulliy knowing every difficulty that might be faced? theres a couple righthere onthese forums that were in a simular situation, & faced alot of assumptions which were stressful, ive only talked tom him once & her never (except reading some of her posts) and they seemed genuinely happy, & other freinds from the forums who have visited them have raved about what a wonderful couple they were..however just simply mentioning theyre ages has caused outcry & ridicule without any attempt by the attackers to get to know anything about them & assume only perversion. ofcourse im not implying that it should be always concidered ok, my 1st girlfreind evrr, through grade school into high swchool was lured into a purely sexual situation with a man of 50, which was abusive & these are the kinda things the laws there to protect people from after all there are alot of bad people intyhe world, but lets not assume right off the bat that everyones bad just cause they cross a rather arbitrary line by only a handful of months if this is a real situation & not a hypothetical question perhaps the bestthing to do is get to know them, express your concerns but not just jump to conclusions based on a number? if you added 1 toit & 17 became 18 would they then be ok? what if you didnt know the ages at all but only heard about them being happy? i'm in no way deffending pedophilia, or anyone whod prey on anyone of any age, im just saying ive seen real loves work that had large age gaps, & yessome that began before those magical 18 candles were blown out it is highly dependent on the individuals involved, &the intentions & while yes theres a sickness in societythat would mean that maybe 85% who find themselves in that situation probably are wrong, i still cant say all are because maybe 15% might justturn out to be perfectluy right if this guy treats her better then anyone else ever has, had, or maybe even ever will, then how can thatnot be right in that case? if her situation & emotional state is not harmed but improved by the involvdement is that wrong? too mamy factors ivolved to just blanket it with a yes its wrong or no it isnt statement so, bzased on this very generalized poll, ll i can say is in situation with absolutely no details but ages, theres a high probability ist could be wrong, based solely on how the average guy might be whod be in the situation..but theres also the possibility it could be right if hes not just some prick looking to get laid the situation would require a lil more understandig, id just watch it & express my concerns, but accept the fact that not everyone can fit into a certain mould & you cant assume anything about any relationship based on the average... i have another freind who was in that situation twice.. the 1st time was a disaster, the guy was not at all honnest & lied about too many important things & just wasnt who he portrayed himself tobe..that yes was a bad situation but she got throughit fine..& it happened again, with someone really genuine this time& so far seems to be smooth sailing...theyre even buying a house togrether near her family &her family just loves him.. maybe i know too mamny people so know people whove been in just about every situation so have seen how it doesnt always end up being bad i do agree though that ive seen mamny times it was..so if the question was worded differently, is the law good or bad, id have to sayitsa good law, but there should be built in aknowledgment that true love is blind & doesnt count the days till a certain birthday & any time anyone falls in love it can be good or bad im not willing to judhge anyone elses relationship based on a few sentences & a couple of numbers on a forum especialy after 4seeing a couple simular situations turn out just beautifuly i would saythough that if she doesnt have a circle of close freinds that she can trust & talk to & depend on if things did gowromng that she shouldnt even concider it, that would feel tome like a desperate attempt to hang onto whover payed attention to her..& would have no supprt network or outside guidance, & that just seems like too eas\y to fall intoa controling situation but really, if these are 2 people, who really seem happy together trust eachother & respect eachother why not let them be happy & not just jump all over them & call them pervs & threatten them withjail just for trying tobe happy together? &vangogh i understand where your comming from completely, but ithink your asssumming that theyve onlyknowneachother a matter of weeks or days & not taking into account the possibilitytheyve known eazchother over an extended period of months or even a year or 2 & gotten to know eachother as people.. but yea ofcourse it is a huge step & shouldnt be taken lightly & if possible it would be prefferable to spend time together 1st id still sayidealy, theres a fair chance it could gowrong like any relationship but alsoachanve it could be right it certainly could undergo extra stresses however just from outsiders jumping to conclusions & that factor alone can cause probs initself & should be concidered as well.. by both nobody would lije tobe branded with such negative assumptions but as long as its not just the case of someone wanting to get laid, if theyre willing to face that critisism because theyknow theyre love can survive it..then more power to em
All respect to you Soaringeagle and your opinion (because you and I have talked in the past and seem to beleive similarly in most cases) I just can't see that a 40 year old man would have interest in a 16 year old child. I don't dispute love, but I also know that there are some things that if they're meant to be, they can wait until the girl is 18. Age may be just a number, but the law is in place, as you said, to protect the innocent, who are not legal until 18. Level of maturit may have something to do with it, but I know when I was 16, I thought I knew everything, and I knew nothing. And I got into a situation with my best friend, and she and I runied a friendship over it. All because we thought we knew what we were doing. I think any parents would be crazy to not have bells and whistles going off if someone took interest in thier child of 16 when he was 40. There are 16 years between my grandparents, but she was 21 and he was 37. I'm not against the age difference.
couples that fall in love at the age of 5 are around the same age. If one of them was 24 year older than the other it would be called pedofilia. That's a really bad example... if they are both 5.. one of them is 5.. the other is 6.. 7.. that's a big difference. Details: this man is already in a loving relationship with a girl who's half his age, the 16 year old would be joining into this relationship. There's a big difference between being 20, 21 and 16. When I was 16 I also thought I was so mature and could convince people around me of the same thing, is only later on that you realize how crazy/stupid you were. I dont see it as wrong from the girl's side, she's just a young girl. I see it very wrong from the guy's side. He's the adult and he should know better. If it's love, love can wait... or cant it?
Like i said before, i'm not against age differences. Love is great and all. And you can say you have the greatest connection. But running away as a minor to be with a guy 20 yrs older is just not good. I dont know what else to say. He will defend their relationship anyway, like anyone who says he's in love will. Sooo...i'm not sure what else there is to do.
In addition, I think there is such a thing as "wrong love". I mean, I can fall in love with my best friend (who is wonderful as a friend, and at a distance... and I love him to pieces) but if we were to be together, it would be bad because we are both very strong-willed and would butt heads all the time. Ultimately, we would end up miserable. And even though we do love each other very much and have thought about being together, we aren't. There's such a thing as being responsible in your relationships, too, and knowing the boundaries. If he loves her, he'll wait. If not, he'll move onto the next girl in line. I'm also not a free-lover, but that doesn't mean I don't respect his otpion or anyone else's to be, but I wonder if that's a smart choice for her as her "first real relationship". I just feel like there's a lot of poor judgement here, and if she was mature enough to be in this type of relationship, she would approach it differently.
Way to exploit someone's relationship. Stay out of people's fucking lives. Who are you to play God in this situation?
sounds dumb, but no one's bussiness but their own. they are in love you say. but with what? an imaginary idea they have of each other? then again, whatever else IS personal love between two people? certainly no one ever REALLY "knows" anyone. period. all this pretending to is just that. but still it sounds dumb. it sounds like expectations that are just about inevitable to be dissappointed. possibly on both sides. but certainly on at least one. i'm just glad i'm not personally involved with either of them. i suppose that's why i never got laid as much as i would have liked to have when i was younger. oh well, such is life. but right or wrong? there is only one right and wrong, and that is to avoid causing suffering, and to avoid screwing up the kind of world we all have to live in, for all of us. =^^= .../\...
If I was playing God would I be asking people a question? but I guess you are right is not my problem, I was trying to see the WHY behind people's answer, more than the answer itself, but I've already moved on to something else, because it really doesnt matter what I think and that's ok.
A friend can't show concern for another friend? Honestly, I think her questions show that she wants to hear every arguement on the issue, not just jump to her own conclusions about what her friend may or may not do. What harm is in that? And how is she playing God or exploiting someone? Exploiting would be writing: "My friend, Amanda Jones wants to go live with this 40 year old guy she met on the internet who's name is Robert Johnson.... " That's exploiting the people.
I was actually talking to a friend about something similar the other day. I'm not too sure on all the details. Part of me thinks it's wrong, yet the other bit of me thinks that if the two people are in love, then maybe it isn't such a bad idea if they see each other. Though, I must say, basically leaving home to live with a 40-year old dude at such a young age is insane and that they should wait until the girl is at least 18 before seeing each other. I think to just randomly go to live with someone who's so much older than you that you've never met before is insane. I think taking it a little slower may help..
As the mother of a 15 year old it's a pretty simple answer.....he better hope that the law gets to him before I do. Now, if he wants to back off until she is of LEGAL age then that is her decision. While she is living with me I will protect her, and a 40 year old man is something she needs to be protected from. She needs to finish growing up, and enjoying the freedom of being a child. I want my daughter to enjoy being a teen! Growing up too fast is a bad idea. I understand that "true love" is possible no matter what the age gap is, and if he is willing to wait two years without pressuring her, then they can go for it! Until that time....mama is sitting on the front porch cleaning her guns.
Much agreed with that... that's where I'm coming from. I have a nearly fifteen-year-old niece and a 13-year-old niece who both live here, and they are watched like a hawk when they're online because I know what kind of people are out there. And they are very naive, trusting, and don't know what they could really be getting themselves into. I know they're not mature enough to be in an adult relationship with someone, especially a 40-year-old man. And they need to be protected because kids grow up way too fast these days. I was forced to, and I know what it did to me.
