Family Sad news today. I've been chain-smoking for three hours now. My good friend High Rider was in the hospital for treatment of psychosis and suicidal ideation. We had to call an ambulance on Friday to take him there after he began carrying a knife around and saying that someone had to die. Do I have to die? Are you going to kill me? Do I have to kill you? God wants blood... Things of this nature. So we called the ambulance, told the police that came with it he was suicidal, told the EMTs with the ambulance, told the social worker that called Saturday afternoon. Apparently they even had him on suicide watch in the mental health ward. None of this made any difference though, because he hung himself with a belt in his hospital room on Saturday evening. Who knows where the belt came from. Who knows what the staff was doing when they were supposed to be watching him. He had been taking cough-gels and tripping off the DXM, the last time he did this the same thing happened. We had to call an ambulance for him then too. I don't know how many he'd taken this time. We'll miss you man. You had a helluva a mind on you, a great heart, incredible creativity. High Rider's last trip home had been at Ocala, where unfortunately he had the shit kicked out of him and was hospitalized with a broken leg, broken nose, ribs, etc. You got a shitty deal in this life, and will be truly missed. His family is having his body brought to his home in Massachusetts where the funeral will be held.
I guess it's one hell of a world, out there, man. Some people have to make do with the less fortunate end of the stick, but I'm sorry for your loss.
I thought the same thing about the view/post ratio. The world is going to hell and the brother was intelligent to see it, and unfortunate to be caught in with the world. Thank you for letting us know how drugs were involved here, thank you for tellin his story. I've chain-smoked for three hours before and know why you did it and all but don't chase him into the grave, too, please. The world is a little brighter when you give up (or cut waaay back on) the dark drugs, and tobacco is one. Some people hooked on tobacco are on a slow suicide. Some people who lurk on message boards, probably eating twinkies, are practicing slow suicide too. I wish we could all wake up. (((Arkady))))
Man I've lost an uncle through suicide. he tried many many times to do himself in, including putting his fingers in electric sockets after washing them, slitting his wrists in the bath, he tried to eat a battery, and others situations of a more extreme nature. The final thing that got him was a Paracetomol overdose. And the worst fucking thing was it didnt kill him till 4 days after the drop - his family were watching him get weaker but wondering why - they were watching him die - and on the 3rd day it musta got too much. He told my family what he'd done, but that (for some reason, he'd changed his mind) - he didn't want to die and he was getting so scared and it was almost as if he woke up from the depression he lived all his life. But by this time he was practically dead. I can relate to the loss of a loved one through suicide and my heart lies with you. It truely does and I hope you get through this. My sincere condolences.
Thanks PsyGrunge, you know what we're going through here. It's worst for his family though, they couldn't be here for him, and now they have to live with it for the rest of their lives. There is no controlling those feelings. If anyone knows how to contact Crash (the brother that helped High Rider to the hospital in Ocala) please send him here, I don't think he knows what happened. Peace all
arkady..i think i can only explain the view/post count this way..i've been sitting here..staring at this blank box ..knowing i should be typing something meanningful & conforting..but allthere is is shock..and alittle rage as well..dark drugs and depression have claimed and nearly claimed the lives of toomany i know..this year in particular..and over & over i just see people..caring people..turn away..saying stuff like, he's ona dark path..hes only hurting himdself..i cantbe bothered with someone who only wants to hurt himself.. or..how can ihelphimif he wont helphimself..whatever...all i can do, is begyou all..whenyou see a brother or sister inneed..no matter how self destructive they mayseem..dont turn away fearing they'll dragyou down withthem..reach out..help them even if they refuse your help..dowhatever it takes to tryto bring them back..somedayyoumay be in a situationyourself where you'll need a hand..we are family, we're suposed tobe there for eachother..arkady..i'm truly sorry for your loss..and i'm sorrythat when i finaly found words, they were not the condolonces you sought, but the expression of agrevation that we..as a family..failed again to help one of our brothers in pain even here, on these forums..theres alot of bitching & moaning..has any one of you thought maybe someones acting all nasty because theyre life is overwhelming them? ..have you ever thought to ask..hey, are youok? is there anything i cando? or do you automaticaly assume theyre an asshole & throw even more shit intotheyre lives? since when does we love yopu mean we love you if..... i'm sorryfor your loss..and my rant is there anything i can do ..anything any of us can do.(since noone else bothered to ask).to help you through this loss
Great posts Arkady and Soaringeagle. Sorry to hear what happened, but it was very true of you to be so honest and heartfelt in typing this all out. You did you're best, may the days bring a little more light, a little more relief. Sorry again.
soaringeagle, don't think that what you wrote didn't affect me as well as someone's condolance. What you've written here is an incredibly well thought out summing up of a lot of things I've been feeling. You have cut to the heart of things. That said, with some people all the help in the world won't turn them off the path they're walking. All we can do is try. Show the ones we love that we love them no matter what. Show the world that everyone is one of the ones we love... As far as your offer of help, I really appreciate it, but I'm not in need of anything at the moment. Just keep the love coming, not just to me, but to all brothers and sisters. hannah, thanks for your comments. everyone that knew High Rider saw his love and generosity, it hurts that no one can see that anymore except in memories. I'd like to reiterate my call to anyone who knows Crash, or knows how to contact him, I'd like to have him know what happened. Love All You Crazy Motherfuckers!
