having a serious problem it's long but I need help BAD

Ok so my boyfriend recently witnessed one of his best friends die and he has been very upset. He also has a crappy job where he is mistreated and Fri and Sat he worked 12 hours and he worked a couple hours today too. Needless to say he is very depressed, irritable, and tired.

The problem is we don't fight often but every single day this past week he has been mad at me for something new every day. Last night I didn't hear his phone call b/c the phone was on vibrate on my bed so I didn't hear it from my desk. He told me clearly b/c I didn't hear the call I don't fully care about him and I didn't want to talk to him bad enough last night. He said I worked 12 hours yesterday and all I wanted to do was talk to my gf but clearly I didn't want to talk to him but I did. He normally gets mad at me quickly but he doesn't usually speak to me like that. Am I in the wrong for feeling saying that was inappropriate on my part?

He also keeps saying I never tell him how much I love him but I tell him everytime we talk, I write him letters online, and I constantly text him but he doesn't even mention it. He doesn't even care and than he says I don't appreciate him. He told me I should break up with him b/c I make him feel like a bad person but he does the same to me. And than after he says for me to break up with him he says good luck finding a guy who will care for me. this doesn't seem right either.

I'm not mad at him b/c I understand he's going through a hard time and is going to say things like this when he is irritable but it makes it difficult to be a supportive g/f when he just gets mad at me for stuff like that and I feel that he is pushing me away.

Anyways I just need advice on how I can better support him b/c it's hard for him. I also need advice on how to make him see how I feel when he gets mad at me every single day. He says I don't tell him how much I love him but he doesn't tell me how much he loves me but I still believe. He also says he thinks I'm lying but I don't know what about and I know I don't lie.

Just how do I support a loved one who is in so much pain and I feel he's taking it out on me b/c he knows I don't want to leave him. Sometimes I feel by the way he speaks to me he wants me to leave him or he wants to leave me.

Advice please I'll take anything

 

Wow, that seems like he's being harsh. I'd say "I know your going threw a hard time and I'm sorry about that, but there is no reaon for you to be emoionally abusive towards me"

Maybe he just can't handle the loss of his friend, work, and a relationship.

 

whoa ok..i applaude u for being so understanding and supportive but the truth is hes being downright abusive..hes trying to push your buttins to get a reaction out of you
its reallu hard to guerss his motive maybe his depressions so deep he hopes to justify it even more ..nobody gives a shit everyone should just m\leave me nobody cares
hun theres not alot you can do unless hes willing to work on shit too
atthe very least he should see a greif councelor or something
before his freinds death hsd there already been issues? depression?

look sweety.i know u dont wanna leave i know u wsnt to be supportive but..u gotta be prepared to be ready to end it if things dont get better..or hes gonna turn into 1 of those guts that believe they can talk any way they want and treat u like shit and u will never leave..in shirty he';ll lose all respect for u and treat u worse and worse
im not saying leave now..just be prepared to if things dont improve.. and by all meandss let him know your prepatred to if things dont get better..do it gently though not as a threat just as a warning just tell him you care you wantto work it out but he needs to help too and if you cant you'll have to do whats right for you

how long ago did things go bad?

 

I wouldn't call him abusive... he's a great guy and I love him so much... and I don't blame him for having a hard time with his friends death I just want to support him but I don't want him to feel I don't love him but I don't know how to convince him I do... I also don't know why he thinks I lie.... I don't know how to help him but he's in no way abusive I just don't think he knows how deeply those phrases hurt me but I must admit I will without thinking be very sarcastic and that hurts him deeply but he did it today too and when I did it he said why can't you just be the bigger person... that def hurt... I don't know how to help him

 

I should prob show him this thread but I know that will hurt him too

 

update

he has stopped getting mad at me every day because we talked about it. He admitted he was taking his job out on me but now he gets mad that I don't make myself available whenever he's ready to talk. I'll be able to talk all day and the minute I'm busy with something he wants to talk and he gets upset if I don't talk to him. I don't know what to say or do. He's amazing but this past week everythings changing. He said I was changing because I said I want to go back to church and than he said well if you do that we need to stop having sex. Just because I want to go to church doesn't make me a bible thumper. I don't know what to do I'm so confused. and I love him so I AM NOT BREAKING UP WITH HIM. I just need to learn how to cope. On his side he says he always takes time to talk to me so I guess I should just ignore what I'm doing because he's a lot busier than me and doesn't have as many oppurtunities to talk as me. I just am so confused

 

and now I find out he's speaking to his ex gf who cheated on him and who I am compared to... I hate this

 

You poor girl, you sound so lovely and caring and understanding. He is being exceedingly controlling, perhaps because his life is so out of control so he is trying to control the one thing he can - you. But perhaps you can tell him his actions will only push you away eventually, and that you don't want to be pushed away. You need your own space and tell him in a firm but loving way that you won't tolerate being spoken to. You are there for him, and love him and want to support him. If he wants to keep receiving such love and understanding, he needs to stop using you to vent his negative emotions. You will resent him later if you allow him to keep doing it.

I hope he listens to you. You are obviously a beautiful person, and if that picture is you, then you are also good-looking. You will find someone else if this doesn't work out for you.

Good luck!

 

seeety seety .. you wroye in caps I AM NOY BREAKING UP WITH HIM
i'm sorry but..you have to change that
im not saying break up with him but you have to be pre[pared to..willing to and he has to know you are..that if he doesnt stop treatting you so baflyu that you'll just leave
loke angelina said your very very atteractive your sweet asnd caring honnest and loyal..your the perfect girlfreind why would you put up with a boyfreond thats bahaving so badly?
will he change if theres no reason to?
will he be nice if he knoews he can be mean and your still gonna stay and have sex with him?
hell he uses sex as a weapon against you you better noyt go to chirch or ya dont get no sex
wtf? thats just twisted
im no churchgoer myself but to use sex to infliuence your spiritua;l or religios practices is just twisted

its almost 6 am and u should be asleep but sweety..pm me we'll talk more

be strong stasnd up for yourself and be prepared to backup strong words woith actions
he'll never treat u with respect as long as he knows he can get away woyth all this shot and you'll just keep crawling back to him

if he compared u to this ex that cheatted on him then let the bitch have him let him get cheatted oin asgaoin if thatds what he wants and if this is the way he treats you then the 2 of em desserve easchother..let them be muserable buty dont ya dare let them make i miserable too

al this talk about i love him hes so wonderrfil..well
block him out of your mind and think only of these 2things
does he treat you like a wonderfil person would
and
are you happpy

you dont dseeem happy
and he dont seem all that wonderfil to me
he seems like a cointrol freakl who has no respect fot upur freelings

uoiud only been together a few months if i remember corectly..do you want a continuation of this year agffter year?


if his job is to blame making him be abiusive to you then tell him to find a better job
theres no excise forr being a dick
sorry..
just dont like ya being treatted that way

goodnight

 

we talked and things are good now...

 

Are they really good or are you fooling yourself to think that they are? He sounds just like my ex. He wanted me avaible to him all the time but he continued to do things that upset me. If I said something I was being 'possesive' but he could do whatever he wanted. In the end I had to leave because he was killing my spirit, and I can see he's slowly doing the same to you.

 

its called displacement sweet heart we all do it

 

is that where you take your issues out on one problem on something else?

 

Yeah, but you can only allow it to a point.

 

Girl, please for the love of God, Your so young, this guy is a complete air head. Move on. You deserve much better and he'll be a better man from growing from the experience of losing you. I know this cause i've been down that road myself.

 

we talked and we're each working on our own little flaws but things are going good now

 

he sounds a lot like my boyfriend and a lot of people told me to leave him because he was doing the same sorta thing to me....he thinks he not good enough for me and says all sorts of stuff and tells me to leave him etc....which hurts a lot.....but honestly we are stronger than ever now and i love him more than anything in the world.....your boyfriend is going through a tough time, and i think its great you are supporting him but dont let it get to much sometimes its ok to have some space. i hope things are better now and you guys sort it out, if you love him i believe working out these issues is better than just throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble.