Having trouble getting my girlfriend to accept my lifestyle

Well I was wondering if you guys would help me with this one. I am new to this forum..just started today, but I have a feeling I will feel very comfortable with you guys. Let's just say this...I am a hippie and very proud of it. Here lies the problem, my girlfriend says she is embarassed to be around me if I am i my "hippy gear" as she likes to call it. I have been dateing her for four year..going on five real soon and they have be out of sight, but they are slipping. I wan't her to accept me for who I am but she says she isn't looking for a blast from the past (we are only sr.s here, but we are living together while is college). We get along in everyother part of life, but do you guys have any advice as to what I should do to get her to accept who I am. I don't want to loose her but it would be very difficult to supress who I really am. Please if anyone has any ideas please share them, no idea is a bad one. Thanks soo much and I wish you all the best as you travel through the days.

Peace,

Al

 

it would help if you told us what u wear cause "hippy gear" could mean anything

 

well, lets start with my hair is to my neck. And she says I look like griszly adams with my beard (taking a fashion tip from tommy chong). Then My usual tie dye tee with either a smily or peace sign (don't worry I have plenty of each). And then usually a cut off army vest, and army pants...sometimes I also include my dad's dogtags from vietnam...same as the vest..with his blood from where he was shot in the arm....and my sandals, or boots.

Hope that helps...and this was hard...ever notice the screen go in circles? just wondering.


Peace
Al

 

If she's put up with it for almost five years I don't think it's such a huge deal. And if it is...fuck her.

 

How does she expect you to dress? Like everyone else? Dude. Not cool. I would break up with someone in five seconds if they said they were quote "embarassed" of my clothes. I dress in vintage stuff and a band around my head. I'm proud to be different, and if I ever dated someone, I'd want them to be a free spirit.

 

It's not that she's not a free spirit. She and I agree on almost anything...her only flaw she sees in me accordingto her is my looks. She is very self conciouse of her looks. I just know it bothers her and is starting I feel to pull her away. Thanks for the advice....please keep it coming.

Peace,

Al

 

How can you be a free spirit and concerned about your looks? How someone dresses is their own bsiness, and I'm glad you dress the way you do. It makes me happy to know that not everyone buys "what's hot" and "in style". I sure don't. If I ever had a boyfriend, they'd be lucky if I brushed my hair. I need a guy who can accpet me for who I am.

 

I really see nothing wrong with someone wanting to look good, as long as they want to do it and not impress anyone. If someone sits in the bathroom for an housr tryin to fix their hair, that's cool as long as they're doing it for themselves.

 

Why are people so concerned with their looks? Newsflash. Beauty comes from the inside. With all that time you spend beautifying yourself, you could be doing something productive, like writing a poem or song, or jst sitting outside and enjoying the beauty of nature. Sorry, I'm probably overreacting, but I just got home from high school. Those who have been there know what I mean

 

I see where you guys are comming from with the looks, but I do think she does it for others...but that is a "flaw" I am willingto accept. And yes this is a more recent thing to come about....maybe she is afraid her friends down thiere wont like her hippy prelaw boyfriend...lol..yep I'm going to defend those who are havingthier lives destroyed over drugs....ever get in troubble let me know...but anyway...thanks for the advice....keep it commingyou are bringing up things I have never thought about.

Peace

Al

 

its a little hypocritical to comment about how important looks are to someone else while gripping because you dont get to wear what you want , dont you think?
as long as theres something you can wear you both feel comfortable with, whats the difference, shes not asking for much realy.

 

I think a lot of people define a certain style of dress as "caring too much about their apperance" while a lot of the time those same people probably put more thought into their image than the other person they are critisizing does. For example, I care a great deal about my image. I am concerned about the pants and the shirts I wear. I never comb my hair, but I am proud of that fact. I like the way I dress, and I wear what I like! But I put a lot of thought into it. But never once have I worn an American Eagle or Abercrombie clothing item. The fact of the matter is, that if you wear what you like, you put a lot of consideration into it. Point blank. If you didn't put a lot of thought into it, then you wouldn't wear what you like, because you wouldn't CARE what you like.

The reason I care about my image is because I want people to know something about me before I say a word. It is a way to express myself. I wear what I like, which in turn points out things about my personality. Peace symbol necklace symbolizes I am a pacifist, Allman Brothers Band shirt symbolizes my taste in music, long unkempt hair means I don't feel the need to conform, barefeet symbolizes that I am not afraid of the earth, but rather embrace it. Granted, most people probably look at me and think "Pot head" (even though I don't do any illegal drugs...) but I have made SOME sort of statement, how they take it is up to them. I don't care what people think about me (as in, whether or not they like me, think I am a stoner, or whatever), I just want to express myself.

IN REGARDS TO THE ORIGIONAL QUESTION:
I would just talk to her. Obviously there is some REASON she has problems with the way you dress. She should be able to accept you the way you are. You should really just set some time apart and say "Honey, we need to talk. I don't see what the big deal is about the way I want to dress. We need to discuss this." And also, maybe you could tone it down a tad. Don't cut your hair, but maybe comb it. Maybe instead of the tie-dye, you could wear some band shirts or something. Maybe just wear some old jeans rather than the army pants. Things like that. Part of a relationship is making comprimise. If you meet her halfway, yuo can both compromise somewhat. Maybe you will even rub off on her and help her realize that appearance isn't all it is cracked up to be.

 

I'm confused, it is your lifestyle she has an issue with our your appearance style?

 

I wouldn't let it get to you too much, it's just a fad, the way you dress is nothing for either of you to get bent out of shape about.

But her saying shes embarresed by being seen with you might imply something much more serious. I'd talk to her about it. I'd be kinda insulted if a girl said she was embaressed to be seen with me seriously.

I mean, sure we both think it, but..

And 5 years? That a really long relationship when your 18.

 

Its pointless to dress to impress because you will never find your true love. Love isnt on the physical level, its on the spiritual level.

 

Lifestyle has nothing to do with appearance. Relationships take compramise (from both parts.)

90% of the time, the 1st thing you can do when you meet someone is see them, whether you are a judging person or not, everyone still makes some sort of judgement subconciously and that often takes a lot of effort or willingness to change.

Dude, the most important thing you can do is just talk to her, you need to be telling her these things. I'm sure you'd be willing to change 1 thing atleast, if so, make it clear you will make an effort but make it even clearer you aren't going to change much, gotta compramise. It'll show her you care.

Like WoodstockChild said, beauty comes from within, so no matter how you dress you'll still be the same person, as long as it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable or something.

 

not to be mean but if she cant except who your are then shes not ment to be with u ... its like telling a zebra to change its stripes ... why should u change to please other people

 

hmm..........she sounds superficial..........

social identity is bullshit..............

 

Okay, then to revise my post, if somebody dresses/ expects you to dress to society's standards, then I would not date them, or even consider it. Let the way you dress reflect a free spirit. Being a walking label isn't going to do that. All that says is "I am boring and I follow the crowd." I've never bought anything from Ambercrombie or Hollister either. I don't support labels. If you're such an individual, then why do you need that huge "Hollister Hottie" stuck on your shirt to tell people who you are? That's called SHALLOWNESS. Please.

 

right,lodui it is a long time...we decided to start dateing in the 8th grade and have stuck with it. I will your guy's advice and sit down and talk with her about it. I guess it was just she had mentioned it and I was trying to understand why more than what to do to solve the problem. I'll sit down with her tonight when she gets home and I'll let you guys know how it goes. I agree with the compromsing and I will have to try and do that more aswell, but I will also make it clear that I am not going to change drastically and that if she want's this to continue then she will just have to accept me for who I am. Like a lot of you said, why should I want to be with someone who doesn't like who I am? I think a combination of all your adivce may actually have shown me how to handle this situation, so thanks to each and everyone of you. Again I will be sure to check in and let you know how the events unfolded. This is a great forum site, you guys are great.

Peace,

Al