hello all.

You all know, I assume, who I am as a person. However, you do not know who I am hiding behind this user name.

I am choosing to post this thread in this forum, because I feel like I have a longer history here than anywhere else. And if you don't care, don't read it. Because if you don't care, then I don't.

I have made a new user name in order to discuss this because I do not want to deal with the repercussions of this should it go awry for any of a number of reasons.

I'm just going to be blunt about it. For weeks now, maybe even months, I have been contemplating ending my life. My life is not horrible. I'm not destitute, I have people who care about me, and I have not been diagnosed with a terminal or life-threatening illness.

The reason, in all honesty, is very selfish. That being said, the only other thing I can share with you all is that there is nothing that can be done about it.

I've heard multiple times that 'it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem'. I'm sure that I am safe to assume that that is the case with a lot of the reasons people chose to commit suicide.

I haven't gone through any kind of bad break-ups, my family and those I care about are still alive, I have good grades in school, and all of those other superficial things that come a long with someone my age. But problems opposed to those, I believe, are classic temporary problems. But don't get me wrong, nothing tears at you worse and makes you feel more weak and alone than probably the whole list of 'temporary problems'. I also refer to those as small picture problems.

My problem is a very big picture problem. As I stated earlier, I am not exactly willing to share, and I'll leave it up to you to guess, or don't. I'll never know either way.

Some of you may have noticed that I am not so much of a frequent flyer of the boards, even though I used to be. I have been spending a lot of time reading, researching, soul-searching and meditating on this.

And this is the problem I face: I am ready but I do not know how to go about doing it.

I highly doubt anyone on here has been wondering where I am; what I've been doing and how I've been. But I am not checking in just for you all, stoners, but for me as well.

At one time in my life you were all a very significant part of me. At times, you still are. I think back and revisit my time here, all the laughs, all the drama, and everything I've learned from all of you. Shallow, and deep.

I will probably be back. I am giving myself up until the end of the school year to figure this out. But in case I do not return, I want to leave you all with this message:


I love you, stoners. Don't ever forget how precious you are.

 

aw come ON right before i was about to go to bed too...

now i'm going to try to figure out who you are and why you no longer want to live.

if you're going to do it, then you're going to do it. my biological grandfather killed himself, and his daughter (my mom's half sister) killed herself as well. but if you just sit there and think that you'll never live to see the snow fall one more time, or see the leaves fade to red in the fall, or hear birds chirping that could give you some hope, as long as you still have some will to live. if what i just said (if you're even reading this) doesn't phase you at all, then yeah nothing anyone says or does will change your mind and there's no use in worrying others about it until it's all said and done.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're troubled, and if you're who I think you are, then you know you can talk to me about anything through PM's.

If you're not the person I think you are, then I'd still be more than happy for you to send me a PM and rant about whatever is on your mind and I may even be able to offer some advice.

Whatever you decide to do, we're all here for you and please.....don't end your life, because it's never too late to find happiness/contentment

 

Dude don't do it, it really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I could've been dead 2-3 years ago and it seemed like a very good solution at the time, but in retrospect that would suck,

 

Listen, you say you've been contemplating it for weeks or months, that is such a short amount of time in a persons life to be making the most major decision one could possibly make. While I am a firm believer in not interfering with ones decisions I think I can make an exception for this one. Please whatever you do, don't take your life. The fact that you took the time to type this out gives me reason enough to believe that you think it could be a major mistake.

I really do not know how to go about responding to this but I felt I had to say something.

 

you know that a lot of us here are a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.. if you ever need support please reach out to one of us here. i hope you can find the strength to go on even during these difficult times. i've struggled with feelings like this as a few of us have here. you're not alone! please come back to talk with us.

hang in there eace:

 

i believe it is your life, and your right to destroy it, if that is what you truly want. if you decide to go through with it, dont make a mess, really thats just mean to the people who love you.

that being said, you already recognize it as a selfish act. you are one step ahead of most people as far as being intelligent and enlightened. now, not knowing the why makes it hard to offer direct advice, but i'll try. having children removed the vague desire i had to die, because someone has to raise them up to be strong and self reliant, not more sheeple in a broken system. temporary problems are small obstacles, and we are never given more than we can handle (because the human mind is designed for problem solving).

I believe in only one thing, and that is Love, with no middleman 'god'. Love can be explored and embraced, unlike 'god' who is aloof and unattainable. I have love for you, as a fellow human, as an SLer (however anonymous) and as someone who has had struggles. if you dont try to live, you'll never know what real life is like. granted, you might get shot when theres a run on the banks, or in the riots (because they are coming) but you might live to fight for freedom. you might be the only person around when a woman goes into labor on a subway car. the what ifs are an affliction, and what if you have an uneventful adult life. what if you never have to take a bullet for a just cause?

you are potential. you are energy. when we are young we long to be kinetic, to DO something, but we are in a state of waiting. waiting to get out of school, waiting to have enough money or credit to bring our dreams to fruition. are you really willing to give that up?
pm me if you need to, im always here. and that goes for anybody else too, not just our mysterious op. i am a being of love and more than willing to share.

 

don't do this. if you've been spending so much time thinking and meditating on this, please try to do something similar regarding this problem, and don't hesitate to reach out to those close to you.

 

im not gonna be nice about this because you arent being nice to us introducing this shit to us...go get a psychiatrist if you want someone to hear you bitch about this shit, especially if you say we cant change your mind...

 

Not everyone can afford to see a psychiatrist, Max.

 

well there are other routes for help.
1-800-784-2433

seriously dude...it sounds like youre having some trouble dealin with your teenage angst

 

ok you said your peace, and you need to stop posting on this thread purp.

 

pfft. i have family history of this shit. incredibly selfish and it angers me to no end that people do stunts like this

this is a public forum and you made your problem public and open for all responses.

you may say im being offensive but im giving you honest advice and i been in the lowest lows many times, suicide isnt anything new. OP is just as offensive to me...

you can kill yourself and be like everybody else thats ever done it or you can live n be yourself...right now youre only doggin your own image

 

MANY of us here have been in the lowest of lows.. and OP may or may not be one of them in your opinion, but have some respect. i have family history and personal history of this, too. which is why i am coming from a place of love and respect and openness towards the OP. it's a shame you can't do the same.

 

when this person doesnt have the ability to love and respect themselves they get no love or respect from me

if you REALLY have been 'meditating' on this then youd fuckin know you are acting like a damn child

keyword child - when you contemplate suicide your entire life then its acceptable to off it...good luck kid, whatever you decide

 

really dude, like you said that you were still in school, that threw up a big red flag. if you're still in school and young you have some much to live for. you really don't know whats ahead of you everything could change life is a long fucking roller coaster that has it's ups and downs and the downs are what makes the ups so magnificent, you will get through this if you don't take the easy way out you will be very happy that you didn't. but then again i'm just some dumb 16 year old kid..

 

Put on some fuckin' Slayer and go scream into a pillow. Hell go shoot up some heroin.

You'll either Kurt Cobain yourself or you'll headbang your worries away.

FUCK THE ALLIANCE!!!!!!!

 

In that case the OP needs to listen to some Smashing Pumkins, Sonic Youth, and other 90's alternative bands.

 

You know why they say that.... 'suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem' because all your problems are temporary. Or atleast escapeable. The great thing about this, I mean if you want to see the glass full as opposed to the glass empty approach (I promise it's refreshing) is that you can do anything now. Because anything you could possibly do is more productive then killing yourself. You meditate...you want to understand, you seek something greater, something profound. The truth is you dont want to know how to go about dying, you want to know how to go about really living. I'm not a doctor, clearly lol........but i've been here. I've been in this spot searching for mental clarity with nothing but this endless longing and feeling like something is missing. The longer you feel it the longer it digs a hole in you, until you just want to get lost in it. There doesn't necessarily have to be anything wrong, good parents, decent friends, successful future ahead potentially...whatever it is you base success on. (Personally for me its not grades) ...(Which is convenient) but that doesn't mean there isn't anything necessarily right either and that can make the whole difference. Sometimes the things so many long to have we have had for so long that it becomes this washed out grey mundane plastic seal of a life. You have the essentials that others cry for in the cold at night, but not the zest for life and the feeling of freedom that flushes the cheeks of so many without the basics. That is your goal, you're looking at fundamentals not the essentials. Find your soul, it's in there. In the end it will be worth it sweetheart.

 

could you really do that to your family? leave them so upset and angry, destroy their lives, cause that's all that would happened, I get your unhappy, I have been their, I am glad I never killed myself I could never do that to my family, my mom told me she was thinking of killing herself one time, I told her if you do that I will be right behind you. Cause it will not only destroy your life but mine too, their is no seconed chance