I love my ex but we broke up b/c we fought too much and he got on my nerves constantly. I think he did that b/c he wanted me to break up. Well, now that we are "friends" we get along great and we both love each other What's the problem with being boyfriend/girlfriend with the same basis? Any ideas? Peace and love
Perhaps you were tied up in doing what "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" are supposed to do, rather than doing what the two of you wanted. Trying to be the "girlfriend" rather than being yourself can be rough, especialy when you don't get any input into what "girlfriend" means. Similarly, the role of "boyfriend". Now that you don't have the image of "GF" and "BF" to live up to, you can relax and be yourselves. It sounds like the two of you enjoy the real other one more than the other trying to be a "GF/BF".
Yeah, what you're saying makes sense. I just want a relationship with one of my best friends on our terms. My ex kept thinking about marriage, which gf/bf is NOT the next step aka engagement. I would just like the security of having a bf but be friends first of all, not Husband and wife. Should I stay with him or move on to someone who can give me what i need, which is the security of knowing he would be there for me when I need him? Feelings are so difficult, I need the advice of an outside party! Peace and love
I'm not sure of the distinction between friend, boyfriend, fiancee. Husband I understand, because it involves a blood test and a lisence. My point was that your relationship with someone is what it is. A person can be there for you, even if they are "just a friend." Or conversly, they can let you down, even if they are your "boyfriend." You want someone who will be there for you. You can find that with someone who doesn't date you. The key is the person not the label.
I want freedom too. but his thing is more about not being able to fuck up. Such as, you can't cheat on a fuck buddy. I need the security of knowing that he will be there for me and I don't have that. I guess that is what hurts the most is not having that safety net of protection. Am I asking too much or does that make any sense? Peace and love
I AM TOTALLY GOING THROUGHT THE SAME SITUATION NOW....what me and now my ex decided to do wqas work on our friendsship again first..and then try and hook back up later..so basically we are ona break and dating other people but with intentions of getting back togehter after we really figure out what is good for ourselves and what we want...
i would just have to say TIME AWAY is good for both of you right now as horrible as that may seem..but i think it will really help
I would suggest negotiating the relationship after expressing your needs and listening to his. Perhaps you can come to some freedom/security balance that satisfies both of you. Love is risky, and there are no guarantees. Overfixating on security can come across as rigid and controlling, which some may want to avoid.
I just want someone to be there when I need someone to talk to. That's the security I desire, the security of knowing a friend will always be there for me and I have always been there for him, through his hospitalization, loss of his bike, school, etc. He wants that too, but not the restrictions of monogamy, even though he is not looking for anyone else. Should I move on to someone who can "commit" to being there for me? I feel like I'm just hanging. I hate that feeling of uncertainty. Peace and love
If he were to date other women AND be there when you needed to talk, would that be OK with you. Would he be good with that? You know, from past experience, who you can depend on when you realy need someone. Do you want him to change the way he treats you (i.e. make himself more avaliable to talk, etc) or are you asking him to say the words "I'll always be there if you need me."?
Well, we established that we are more than "friends with benefits" b/c we both have feelings for each other. so we both want freedombut security of being there for each other. He felt like he could depend on me but I didn't return the feelings I'll let him prove himself worthy of my love or not... Peace and love
So now you love him but are not in love with him-so your friends and wondering if you can do the friends plus routine. Go for it. Great fun till you meet the real person who you will be in love with. Then you can figure out how to get rid of the Friend plus person since you will OUT GROW them.
