I've been keeping a running list in my head of the most hilarious set design fails in porn videos. Here are my top three in ascending order with one being the funniest: 3) A step mom video where the mom's bed is adorned with two Super Mario throw pillows and walls decorated with solar flash images. Because you know how your mom is hella into 40 year old video games and ink jet printed posters of laser lights. 2) A video where a step sister and step brother wind up taking a shower together because they're both in a rush to get ready. The step bro is in a rush because he suddenly realizes he's running late for his "job interview," which is definitely how I say that sentiment out loud: super vague yet still almost informative. Rather than, oh... I dunno... something like, "Oh no! I'm supposed to be downtown in 30 minutes!" Or, "Shit! I'm gonna be late!" As if that's not hilarious enough. The brother leaps off his bed and begins to scramble to grab clothes out of a drawer that contains two pairs of boxer briefs and three pairs of socks sliding around an otherwise empty drawer inside a giant dresser that has no friend or family photographs or jewelry or trophies on top of it. You know how you walk into someone's childhood bedroom and the total lack of sentimental items and tchotchkes immediately makes you think, "Man, this guy's clearly been living here a while." 1) My absolute favorite. Never fails to make me laugh. I'm giggling even as I type it out right now. THE BASS!!! There's a Kyler Quinn video with the typical set up where she and her step brother are on a family vacation but are soon shocked to realize they have to share a single hotel room with only one bed. It starts with them walking into the hotel room like, "Oh, wow! Look at this view! This is a nice room!" Yadda yadda yadda. As they're doing that, they walk past an electric bass guitar on a stand next to the dresser. I don't know about you guys. But if I book a stay at a vacation resort and the room does not come with the industry standard lone bass guitar with no amplifier, I am on that phone to the front desk faster than you could play the Seinfeld theme song. -- "Is there a problem with your room sir?" -- "Is there a problem??? Uhhh, yeah. There's no fucking bass guitar in my room. What kind of a Mickey Mouse operation are you guys running here??? I'd expect this kind of bullshit from Sandals but a four star resort based on three reviews, two of which were clearly written by AI and a third that was actually a half-star review written in Polish that could not be translated by Google... I just don't know what to say other than the obvious fact that I will be cancelling my reservation, and with that I say 'GOOD DAY' to you SIR!!!"
