I'm 19, never had a girlfriend but I've hooked up with many girls. Oral sex is the furthest I've ever gone. I've always been attracted to girls as long as I could remember. Always masturbated to girls without second guessing myself. My HOCD started three years ago when (try not to laugh) watching the movie Bruno. Seeing Sacha Baron Cohen prance around like a girl made me question my sexuality. I was stoned at the time and jokingly asked myself "what if I'm gay?". I then started looking back on my life and realised I've never had a girlfriend. Then upon further look I remembered that I gave one of my friends a handjob when I was 13. I wasnt sexually attracted to him but I got semi erect while doing it.Thinking back on it makes me sick. The fact that I did it makes me question myself. I read in an article online that ones sexuality is developed during puberty usually between the ages 13-14, which is when I gave my friend the hand job. This year I discovered HOCD through research. I had every symptom of HOCD. This gave me momentary relief but then I began asking myself if im suffering from HOCD, or if i'm just in denial. Throughout highschool when my friends were chasing girls, I sat in my room playing xbox day in and day out. I had a serious problem with video games, which made me pretty socially awkward. I'm trying to fit everything I can into this post. I want to be with girls but now I'm shying away from them with the fear that Ill get a girl in bed and wont be able to get an erection. I also recently realised taht every girl I've hooked up with this year in college was bi-sexual and I fear that is not a coincidence, but because I am in fact homosexual. Im just really confused lately. I hate this feeling and would love someones opinion. Preferably someone gay.
wen i was a lil girl i use to expirament with both guys an girls but i think thats just curosity with little kids but as i got older an the grils were always talking about guys an crushing on them well i didnt realy care for it but i went along with it cuz i wanted to be normal an i realy didnt know what gay was wen i was younger i just thought that my attraction to guys would eventually happen, maby it just had to be the right one, maby if i had sex with one, well i did an i didnt like it so maby i thought it just wasent the right one but every guy i dated granted i was attracted to them like they were cute, but as hard as i tryed i was never sexually attracted to them an couldnt force myslf to do it.. so i thought there was just something wrong with me untill i started talking to this girl an i was realy atteacted to her well we ended up hooking up an i realized right then that was gay lol.. so i kinda know where ur coming from... just becuse u gave a friend a handjob wen u were a kid an like video games alot dosent mean ur gay most kids experament with the same sex just cuz there cerious an theres nothing wrong with that.. but if ur still haveing urges an are attracted to them in that way unconchiously knowing maby u should just try it.. still it dont mean ur gay if u do.. even try it with a girl u might just be bi an theres nothin wrong with that at all.. just be yourself an do what u feal is right.. dont worry to much on it cuz if u do end up hooking up with a girl u might not get one just cuz u to worried about it.. just relax an just go with the flow do what u feal ur body is telling u u want an dont worry what other people think.. i hope this helps u a bit an i hope u get it all figured out b4 it drives u nuts lol just rember to b urself an no matter what u choose theres nothing wrong with u ... btw whats hocd?
I believe that you know where your real issue is. You perceive yourself as being awkward, AND NOT fitting in. Since you are still very young, I would simply skip all the momentous deliberations about your sexual orientation altogether. It may be simply too soon to tell. I would focus on exploring my sexuality without too much pressure about it. Yeah, if someone seems to willing to give you a BJ, the chances are you'll like it. Your dick will like it, too. Over the time, you'll focus your sexual energy towards the kind of experience that you find most satisfying. Once a pattern is established you'll be able to define your sexual orientation without much ado. Change your attitude. You are a young dude, and you are exploring your sexuality. There is really no pathological dimension to it. Cool off the obsessing part, and start learning how to enjoy your experience. Your life will thank you. The pharmaceutical industry and medical establishment won't... KD
KewlDewd just gave you excellent advice. I'd love to add to what he's said but theres little more to say. I'll just reinforce the idea of losing the HOCD idea, pretty much a waste of time and a distraction to the real work of life. In your case the real work is finding a guy who you enjoy and then fuck each other blind and silly just as an experiment. Repeat as often as needed. Go in Peace Brother...or better yet, go naked
