Is is really worth holding out when you are getting older everyday? Here's the thought process: My ex sent me a letter telling me the truth about our early days. That the dream I had of us being a family was not shared by him. I love him....mainly because i have for so long. I've spent 10 years trying to get us back to a place that never existed. He claims that is his dream now......but I think its too late. This got me to think about what I really what, and my mind wanders back to a summer fling i had, the possibly of someone being right for me without me forcing it. someone new being the love I want in order to be with my ex, I would have to settle. Everyone says you shouldn't settle, but realistically, he and I have two kids together. Is a bird in the hand worth two in the bush when it comes to love?
it depends if you love him? If you love him and have kids together than you should go for it with him.
I would tell you what I'm sure everyone else has..Don't settle. And just because you guys have two kids together doesn't mean your obligated or owe it to him to be with him if you don't want too. I almost "settled" with a guy I wasn't in love with and now that I just got married to the love of my life, I look back and realize now what a mistake I could of made. Nothing in the world is better than finding your soul mate and the True love of your life. If your Ex is not it then wait and you will find your soul mate. But whatever you do Don't settle because I promise you, you will regret it.
It all depends on what you say you are "settling" for. Is the trade off worth it? I know a little about guys.. Being one.. I know that when I look back on some relationships that I shot full of holes, because I was young,dumb and full of cum.. I realize that the person that I was trying to get away from was the one I was looking for. It took me a long time to come to that. He may have had a moment of clarity. I think he would be a lucky soul if he had that awakening at a time where fate might bring the two of you together. I wouldn't pass on him. We think a lot differently than women.. Women usually have a good sense of what is best in the long run. Guys tend to live in the moment. And we often come up with the wrong answer when dealing with that. I kinda hope he still has a shot with you.
It's the security or freedom dilemma. I think it may be expensive to go for the "freedom" option and scout for a more "lovable" man, especially in the US where there arent much social services. It may be hard for the kids as well. If you dont hate the father, I'd say pick him. Most men fear marriage at young ages (they want to utilize their youth for the freedom of choises and plessures) while women prefer security for a stable family and order (security). Maybe that was the reason why he did not share your dream. Now that both of you want security I'd say go on with him. You can still fall in love with some other person, while you and your kids would be "safe" in a complete family (of course they arent in danger but life might be easier with a hubby)
he's done a whole list of unspeakable things that I could probably get over, especially since they make more sense now that I know what he wrote in the letter my problem is .....him. We always have fun together but as far as values and opinions and ways of life we couldn't be more different. Our past as love sick teenagers held us together (for me anyway) Now that is shattered.....I feel like I have been fighting for nothing and this is my chance to move on I'm just scared that what I have with him is as good as it gets so if I try to find something better.......I will just be hurting myself and cemeting a life alone I dunno
YOU SHOULD NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU WANT.... regardless of the kids... children need to observe healthy relationships in order toone day be apart of them theirselves... if you feel like you may want different( someon with the same values) then you should invest in that... but if there is a common meetng ground with the ex that is acceptable to both parties! what do you have to lose? ultimately... i wouold opt for total happiness if you can! just my opinion
I dont think you'd cement your life alone. You're attractive and smart. There must be thousands of people out there who'd wanna be with you. But you're not alone (the kids). If you give him another shot, you wouldnt lose anything because you dont (and can not) close the option of meeting the man of your dreams. It just can so happen. But if you turn him down, what will you have at hand? Will suddenly the love of your life appear on a white horse? In short just know that by deciding to go on with him, you dont lock yourself up in a cell. You just gain a partner in life.
