I am moving in with my fiance in a month. I love him like crazy and am looking forward to keeping house (I am a work-at-home mom.) I know that sounds old fashioned but my mom stayed home and if I have the time I would like to do the bulk of the household stuff. I also was hoping that I could use my presence in the house to help my fiance get control of his weight. He stopped smoking a few years ago and gained a lot of weight. He is sensitive about it and it impacts his daily life. But, he works a lot and his job is sedentary and stressful. While he is working he eats out a lot- gets a lot of fast food kinds of things. The house is in a rural location and offers a lot of options for recreation. In addition, I am hoping that by providing healthier options at home (packing lunch, offering breakfast cereal instead of the usual breakfast sandwich, I can help him get more fit. Is this a realistic expectation? Has anyone else helped a spouse with this issue? How? Here is another half of the issue. My metabolism is incredibly high. I am 5 feet tall and weigh between 95 and 100 pounds. I can't diet. In order to maintain my weight I have to eat a lot. Between my boyfriend and I we can put away 4 pounds of meat in one sitting pretty much 2 pounds each. I know this isn't good for him. And I am happy with a cup of rice instead of the extra meat. However, if I cut down on the amount I eat on a regular basis I drop weight like crazy. For a while, after my son was born I was down to between 85-90 pounds because I was too busy breastfeeding and looking after a newborn to eat the amount I needed to. I have always cooked and used whole milk and regular butter to supplement and add the extra calories. How can I combine these two incredibly different nutritional needs without either one of us feeling too deprived? H
The first question that comes to mind on this is whether he wants to make these changes. A lot of people are unhappy with their bodies but feel too stressed out by work or school that they are just not ready to deal with making serious lifestyle changes. My boyfriend is overweight and wants to lose it, but he's working on his PhD -- which means a LOT of time sitting at a desk reading articles and books, not to mention writing papers and teaching a class (preparing lesson plans, grading, etc.). When I get stressed, I like to get out and do something -- a nice long hike in the woods or bike ride will help clear my mind. However, that just gives him time to go over all the crap he needs to be doing, so he manages to stress himself out even more. Instead, his two main ways of coping with stress are to play video games and read novels, neither of which help him burn that many calories. So, from about a month into the semester until after the semester is over, all he wants to do in his free time is read a novel or play video games. Yeah, he's starting to try harder to work on it more. But, it didn't matter what I said or did, how I tried to help him get motivated to go for a hike with me or eat some healthy meal I suggested, in the end it comes down to what he wants for himself. I mean, what do you plan to do if your man says he's not in the mood for cereal? Or if a bowl or two or three of cereal just doesn't fill him up like his regular sandwich? Now, if he's ready to make these changes on his own, your support can make the difference between him giving up after three days or sticking with it. You just have to find the balance, where you can be supportive and suggest healthy alternatives when he wants to order fast food for dinner, but where you are not nagging. That's been really hard for me. The best I can suggest is to try to get him to go out and do things, like hike or go swimming or whatever, with you. Don't phrase it as exercise, instead phrase it as a way to spend time together without the distraction of the tv or computer or whatever. As for your eating needs, I have no experience in that area. You say you are happy with a cup of rice instead of extra meat... So go with that! At the store, pay a little bit extra for the extra lean ground beef (95% lean instead of the regular 80-85% lean), cook less, and mix in lots of rice and veggies. Unfortunately, I just don't see how you are going to get the extra calories you need while he loses weight if either of you expects to each eat the same amount of the same stuff at meals. If he really wants to lose weight, he needs to start paying attention to his portion sizes, without comparing to (or trying to match) your portion sizes.
about portions Hadley... why don't you snack a lot more between meals to keep your calorie intake good for your body? Carb-based snacks are good (I find at least) because they're slower burning than sugar ones, they keep you going longer and aren't as harsh for your body. Even ricecakes are better than nothing, n'est pas?
Thanks, your replies made sense. Thinking about it I think that if I make sure I eat a major meal during the day while he is at work then I can vary my portions a bit at dinner without losing out. Also making sure I buy some high calorie snacks for myself (mmmm chicken pot pie) then I should keep the weight on. I understand about the stress factor thing and it is a massive part of things. He too loves reading and computer games and I understand that. I also think he will soon get more attuned to the outdoors living in the new house. It is really rural and somehow it seems more enjoyable to take a walk in the woods than in the city. If we can get into little habits like a walk after dinner than I think he'll start losing weight and if he notices that he is losing it will get more appealing to him to excercise if he sees it working. H
Also, he should work on stress. There are lots of ways to reduce stress. Laugh, cry, exercise, ummmmmmm theres more I just forgot them.
Sex, and lots of it. great for stress, lol. Eating while he is out is a good plan, you can have a high cal meal, and maybe drink glucose drinks or full fat milk during the day and eat a lower fat/cal meal with him, as long as the rest of your diet is rich in vitamins etc that should work ok. it will be really hard for him to watch you eat what he cant on a diet. i tried that, cooking full fat for my tall thin husband who can eat anything and never gain a pound and low foe me, but it doesnt work, if you get your cals when he is not around you can inspire him when he is, and thet move to the country will make such a difference, goodluck hunny.xxx
