How come I feel like this..

I'm a very angry guy all the time. I ALWAYS think everyone is out to get me. Like for example.. If I txt someone and they don't txt back.. It pisses me off cause I think they are ignoring me. Or if I ask someone to hang out.. And they say they can't.. I normally think they can they are just blowing me off. Ha.

Everyone on here pretty much knows my drug past. I've done so many different plants, pharms, and psychadelics that its not even funny.

DXM prolly did this to me.. Is there any other drugs that make people paranoid as hell in the long run if used constantly? I mean besides cocaine and crack cause i've only did both once. And never again.

 

my mental mother takes that DMX cause its over the counter she believes its fine. nobody has a cough for 6 months at a time.. Shes completely lost it. If I lived any closer to them, id probable kill her, thats how fucking ridiculous shes become, combine that with age and the perception of whats really going on in the world. its a fatal combination ..
...shes combative and delusional, cant comprehend emotions rationally, argumentative and 100% dysfunctional ..

its called a dissociative drug for a reason.. you cant take chemicals and believe they have no baring on the things you do and how you interact with other people..

There is no beauty is violent behavior.. its how sick this world really is..:toetap05:

 

I think those are all pretty normal reactions actually. You probably just dwell too much on those feelings. If you think there is a reason someone is blowing you off or whatever, ask them about it. Otherwise you just need to try to give them the benefit of doubt.

 

More often than not, paranoia is a transference of your own low self esteem.

Step 1: Stop assuming people's motives because unless you're in their head, you will never know. Quite often people have more important things to think about than you.

 

There are no good or bad emotions; if you feel angry then express anger, if you feel happy, express joy


Hotwater

 

Well.. The simple fact so many bad things happened to me while on DXM or other psychadelics leaves me believe that bad things will always happen to me all the time and that nothing good will ever come out of anything. I was screwed over so many times in the past. Ha. I really need some answers. I'm thinking about taking drugs again. Ha. Thats how bad its gotten. I posted a bulletin before about this problem. I've started smoking weed again[Which my doctor strongly recommended i not do because of the mental and physical state i'm in] and it has been helping I think. It has been helping with my memory and my anger problem most of all. I mean i notice a change. I only smoke on the weekends though. And not much at all honestly.

 

that's gotta be a lot of shit to deal with.

but really, you should stop taking drugs. even smoking weed. wait until your stable. i'd even reccomend ditching these boards for a while because seeing other people talk about drugs probably won't do much good for your sobriety.

you don't need answers. i think you have them, you just need to translate that into making an effort the other way. you seem to understand pretty well that DXM/drug abuse caused this, but how long can you think about that? you just have to say to yourself "okay, i did some stupid shit and that's never gonna change. now what?"

 

I could'nt agree with CherokeeMist more... That is extremely sound advice..

 

But I just can't. i can't let drugs go. I've had so many good trips is hard mentally to try and let that feeling go of just knowing who I was during those times..

 

as much as it sucks, those times were then, who you are now is not the same person you were.

you just have to make a decision, really. you can keep going, doing as many drugs as you can, until the day you die. you can decide to keep living with this discomfort and just stay unhappy.

there are many choices you could make right now. it's 100% in your hands. you can either accept the truth, or not.

 

Sounds like some insecurity issues were multiplied by overdoing some substances. Like CherokeeMist said, you gotta address that first and it sounds like you know this. If you use drugs as a crutch again you will still be aware that your underlying problems haven't gone anywhere.

 

Oh. Well i'm about to start consuling soon. So maybe that will help. Maybe I just need to vent.

 

You dont have to let them go,just put them down for awhile,they will still be there when you feel better.

 

But there ain't no telling how long its going to be.. i've already been clean for a year and 4 months... :[

 

i feel like that a lot too. then i take a tolerence break or whatever n i learn to chill again and understand people better.

 

think of it this way, when you think people are out to get you, actually nobody is even thinking about you, they are all doing their own thing

 

The most important lesson;

Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you


Hotwater

 

the fact that you're wanting to do drugs is perfectly normal. people who have issues with drugs (among other things, addiction) shouldn't feel bad about being tempted. what would you expect?

but i think you would be making a very poor decision if you decide to use drugs again. i think, once you have a known problem with something, 9 times out of 10 going back to it is going to lead you right back down the same path. is that really what you want? to feel like this again, or knowingly set back all this time of progress?

i suggest you think very carefully about how you're approaching drugs. it just isn't healthy.

 

true very very true...

do not go back into bad habits, unless you enjoy them...but if you don't then you should get rid of bad habits and try to never return to them...

 

I only enjoy smoking weed. Thats it. I couldn't imagine doing psychadelics again. I might just freak. I don't plan on doing anything crazy for a while.. Wish I could feel like I did back then.. No worries.. no cares. Ha.