How did you get your girlfriend?

I just can't do it. I've been in college two years already and never experienced ANYTHING with a girl. It's starting to really stress me out and get to me. I just don't get it. How does everyone else do it? Every time I try to approach a girl, I feel I just don't know what to say and that she will instantly get weirded out. So I have just kind of stopped approaching them. And to those who say you'll never know till you try, I have. I have tried. Many times. Same thing always happens. The conversation just ends awkwardly with me going so.... How are your classes going?.... And that is that. And besides that I am just exhausted from finding out every girl I liked already has a boyfriend. How did they do it?? Awkward approach conversations? I just hate it, because I know girls would love me, I just never know how to take it to the next step. And it's getting worse. Now every time I walk into a room with cute girls I just think about all the girls already having boyfriends and not wanting to talk to me, and all the guys just glaring at me. There are so many amazingly beautiful girls at my school... sigh...

 

stop trying so hard, and it'll happen.

don't view each new girl you meet as a potential girlfriend, but just as a person you're genuinely interested in learning more about.

 

That's good advice. But it doesn't help the fact that nights are lonely as hell...

 

Here's part of your problem... Not everyone does.


This is not to say you are going to be alone for the rest of your life, but this concept you have that everybody but you has someone is giving you stress...

 

I just feel like there is something wrong with me... I'm 19 and have never had a girlfriend...

 

It's not easy, especially if you're already single but do you see how much harder you're making it for yourself with paranoia, self-fullfilling insecurities and such?
Try and get a handle on that and giving yourself a clean slate for starters.

Good advice...take the pressure of you and the pressure you (may) be exerting on others. Especially women who are sensitive to such things.

Then again, it's hard when you're single eh.

My advice is if it really bothers you, gather some good friends and go to a lot of parties. A lot. Practice practice practice till you don't care or it doesn't bother you anymore. Eventually you need to come from a calmer place though. (don't ask me, I'm still single but I have turned down a couple girls).

 

This... is also causing stress. You need to chill.

The stress is why all those conversations go south...

 

Yeah it's not going to happen unless you stop looking for it. I met my old lady thorough a friend when I moved back to my home town.

 

After I stopped looking =P She added me on Myspace after seeing me at work and on a friend of a friend's list. I wasn't interested in seeking a relationship with her at first, but we made buddies on AIM, and one time when I was bored I had her call me.
We talked every day on the phone for a month before hanging out (and maybe for a few years after); three months later, she was my New Year's kiss; the next afternoon I asked her out.

 

My boyfriend was pretty bad with girls before he met me from what I understand.

He got me by not trying. He acted like himself and I acted like myself and we just hit it off. We met through mutual friends so had the chance to get to know each other in a low pressure situation. Plus the first time I hung out with him he was saving a dying baby goose, which kinda has the "aww" factor....so maybe that was it lol. Maybe you should start saving animals in front of cute girls.

 

Yeah totally lol. girls love animals... It's just confusing. I see all these girls I don't know on campus, and feel intimidated because I don't know them, or anyone in their circle, so I feel like I have no business approaching them. Which makes no sense, because I ALSO feel weird about approaching the girls IN my social circle. Like if I got with them, all my friends would now, and it would feel really embarrassing. I just don't know which girls to approach. girls in my circle or girls I don't even know. Either way, I ALWAYS get intimidated when I see a girl I like talking to other guys, and give up a bit on the inside. Yes a realize girls can have guy friends

 

I'm nearly 21 and never had a serious girlfriend.

Don't worry so much about it. You need to work on who you are as a person and make yourself as interesting as possible before anyone will want to know more about you.

But you shouldn't just give up on girls - talk to them, for practice, if nothing else. Just bullshit with them, make fun of them if you have to - breaking the ice is awkward, everyone knows that.

 

Yeah, breaking the ice is awkward but you gotta try to view that whole construct as a positive experience separate from how the outcome goes from the attempt.

How are your classes going and conversations like that tends to lead you to the friendzone, and from what I've witnessed girls tend to see right through your attempt at trying to "get with" them and comments like that come off as dishonest and therefore your "one of the shady guys" or a "creeper".

Basically don't try to mask your intent with fake politeness, you gotta be bold and just converse with them as if they were any other person. (But don't be obscene either)

 

sometimes its a bit weird for the girl too when a guy just walks up from out of nowhere and starts talking.

Are there more casual situations where you can strike up a conversation? A situation where you aren't just walking up to a random girl.. Like in your classes? You could break the ice by asking a girl in a class about an assignment then start joking around with her in class. The best way to get a girl to like you is to keep her laughing.

 

That's all good advice but sometimes it's like wtf am I supposed to say to them? What else is there to say besides how is it going? or how are your classes going? No I don't actually necessarily care so yes it is kinda bullshit, but I'd like to get to know them! So I mean, I can actually have a convo with them. but that lack of having anything to talk about is why I freak out. It's like the job experience without ever having a job paradox. How do I meet new people if I don't have anything to talk about? And not just with girls through friends. I want to be able to be like wow. that girl across the hall is beautiful. I'm going to go say hi. It's pathetic. at parties I will try to get as drunk as I can so I can talk to girls. I honestly don't give a shit about alcohol, I only do it so I can come out of my shell.

 

ask them if they've taken any good elective classes, say that you're trying to decide on something to take next semester.

 

I talk to girls all the times in my classes. None I found attractive, but hey it's still practice. The last girl in one of my classes who I REALLY liked ended up dropping the b-bomb on me as I was trying to get close to her when studying. (out of nowhere mentioning how much she wanted to go home and snuggle with her bf). But I mean. I go to a lot of parties, and am in a band and play lots of shows. Point I'm saying is. I know girls have checked me out and many would want me. I just don't know how to approach them and "seal the deal". I have never done that in my life. I feel so WEIRD with that whole transition from just casual just met acquaintance, to so would you potentially want to be my lover? It just feels so weird!

 

dude i feel you on the caring deal. i really don't give a fuck about most people...and people pick up on that very easily man. it's something you can choose to work on and actually start caring or use to your advantage.

if you don't care about other people, you must care about something else a whole lot - become the best at that and then girls who have boyfriends will forget about those faggots when they with you.

if she is talking to you about her problems with her boyfriend, that's your chance to swoop.


you care about not having a girlfriend, but you don't care about the girls...reverse that. care about the girl of the moment, don't care about girlfriends.

 

Again. I totally agree with that. But the situation where a cute girl opens up to you about her problems... hmmm... now how to get to that point in the first place!

 

I feel this way with all the hot hippie dready chicks at my school. It's like I have no business approaching them. There's already a mountain of dreadlocked hippies who are already on that. It's like fuck. Why are you so unattainable?? Shit I just gotta get over this... It's just this deprivation of my sex drive is killing me. I'm sick of jacking off, and it's only making me more depressed and sexually anxious. So basically I just enclose myself in a world of intense studying to divert my attention from a lack of female attention. Oh yeah. also music. but I am just as awkward at shows as I am at a normal college party so it doesn't really do much. besides the situation is always the same. if there is a cute girl, there shall ALWAYS be a dude standing right next to her.