How do I get my girlfriend to open up???

We have been together for 2 years now and I love her very much. She says she love me as well.

Problem is, our sex life is very dull. I am very sexual and I have been trying to get her to open up and talk to me about it. Everytime I try to talk to her she just clams up and won't talk. My opinion is we have been together long enough that this conversation should be one we can have.

Has anyone here ever had this issue and did you get past it?

Another thing is I know she has a sexual side, when we first met she had porn, dildos, and some oil that is supposed to make men horny when she wore it (which she kept that stuff hidden). Also she did admit she had been in threesomes. I can't even get her to entertain that with me.

Please please help!!!

 

I have no proof of this but it sounds like your girlfriend might not be opening up to sex related conversations, topics, or acts because she experienced some kind of sexual trauma.

(Ex: a rape, leveraged into a threesome, rough painful sex that she was not into)

Just consider that and approach her with care. If my hunch is right, she's probably scared of judgement by you, her family, her friends, and even part of herself. (negative self talk).

Just because someone has a lot of sex toys around doesn't mean they can easily open up to sex acts involving another person, because the power shifts.

If she was raped, and experienced an orgasm(s) during a rape, then she might have a lot of internal conflicts about why her body "betrayed" her and is causing angst in her mind.

 

Well said and thank you. That gives me something to think about.

 

I totally agree with what monkjr said. I've dealt with a lot of teens with those issues. They may appear to be open to sex in every way, but there may be something underneath that causes them to pull back from continuing that pattern. "Love" can be a very confusing thing as they start to evaluate what that actually means. Patience and understanding are the key to moving forward.

 

Hey builderjohn09, keep me posted on what happens next k. I'm kinda curious if my hunch is right.