How do I get this fucking cat?

My mom has two cats. Two weeks ago, the really cool one got outside and ran away. Two weeks ago.

We figured he'd died or had been taken in. But last night stumbling home from smoking pot and drinking at the bar I heard him meowing sounding very upset. But when I try to come to him he got scared and ran aay. He'd run to the doors, but when you tried to let him in he'd run.

I got him to kind of approach me, then he ran... then I got him to come back and instead of trying to make him feel comfortable I just tried to force grab and carry him in. After about 6 steps and 5 deep scratches.. I faild and he ran far as fuck away.

How do I get this fucking cat back inside? Hippies, help. I want to get my mom her fucking cat back.

 

Sounds kind of screwy. Are you sure you weren't so stoned you tried to pick up a strange cat. That's gotta be it. Your cat wouldn't be that freaked out by you. Come on man - get your head back in place.

 

If he's had a traumatic experience while " on the run" he will be very nervous. Try leaving the door he usually uses open a little bit and putting his food within smelling distance inside. He obviously wants to be at home or he wouldn't be in the neighbourhood. Give him space and time, Sam.

 

a good coat of wet varnish on the porch floor should work

or more realistically, leave some food out and hope yer cat gets there before the local strays :mickey: <-- not that kind of food tho', some out of a can is fine

 

dude just get high as fuck and you wont even know its scratching you

 

No dude, it was my cat. He has a very discinctive facial shape.

 

I was high as fuck. And he did scratch the hell out of me. Cats can fucking struggle, man... it wasn't the claws that made me let him go it was that wirey ass boty spasticly wriggleing and jolting... and claws

 

Been trying this with the basement door. But it only goes into this little ass sub-room of the basement cause I need to leave the other door closed so the other cat doesn't get out. And the foods been gone before so it could have been him now that I know he didn't just run off and die.

But if I see him again I think I'll try letting him come to me rather tan going to him. It'll take paitence though...

 

wow. maybe get like an oven mitt or something so it cant scratch through it or something when you grab it. and wear like shoulder pads or something so it cant scratch your chest. even though the neighbors will probably look out and wonder what the hell is going on

 

oven mits

 

I was thinking about taking my hoodie off and trying to wrangle him with that, but he's so fast I doubt I'd have been able to snare him in it before he ran out from under.

I figured I'd just take whatever clawing he'd dish out for the sake of getting him back in and making ym mom happy. But yeah, it was a lot more than I braced myself for lol

4 deeper short gashes on my wrist and arm, and 2 long shallow nes across my gut

 

lmao after i read what i typed i was like wow this is so fucking retarded. but i dont see any better ideas. i think it could work

 

lol holy shit it sounds like you got attacked by a damn velociraptor

 

I wish I could have seen that struggle. Sorry man but I bet I would have laughed my ass off. A stoner fighting a wildcat. LOLOLOLOunk:

 

Hey after I picked him up I got him like... halfway home. :smilielol5:

 

lol you should take this story and post it in the epic battle thread hahah

 

You can take a horse to water... but cats stay put.

 

# Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

# Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

# Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

# Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

# Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

# Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

# Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

# Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

# Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

# Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

# Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.

# Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

# Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

# Get spouse to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

# Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

(dunno who to acredit this to, but i didn't write it)

 

You got any doves in your neighborhood. My neighbor's cat loves them and actually brings them home.

 

I'm going to assume that you can at least approach the cat. Check the cat to see if it has any injuries- broken bones or cuts etc. Two things I would get would be something to protect my hands, like leather gloves and I would also get a pillow case. Get over the cat, and place your hand on the cat's ruff [neck area- the area where the mother cat would carry it] . Gently push the cat down and then gently lift the scruff area a few times [carrying it as if you were it's mother]. Do this a couple of times until the cat calms down and then gently place the cat into the pillowcase. Carry the cat with the opening to the pillowcase closed. [tie the opening with a strong string ]. Take the cat to an area of your house where it has basically has called it's own. Untie the string and let the cat come out by itself. If none of this is possible, go to your local humane society and get a tender trap. Place it in an area where you have seen the cat and then do the same thing.

PAX