how do you know when your aroused ladies

i have no sensation at all before during or after sex other than the pain i get due to having vestobulodynia, i have no idea if my lack of arousal is caused by the problem of this or is the the pain i do feel due to the fact that i dont get aroused first? i know its a bit of chicken and egg thing, and trying to find out what sexual arousal feels like is impossible, as all the sources relating to this seem to take it for granted that one would know what arousal felt like, i dont have a clue!!! so whats it like then?

 

Wow...good question...but , it varies ...each person is different....and Im more emotional ....so....with me....I feel like my body is slowly burning...and I have an overwhelming urge to kiss the person.....silly...I know...but , thats just me.

 

no its not silly but well for me i dont understand your "need" as i said i dont feel any different than typing this out

 

i know we are having a hard time lately with sex, and i have really been trying so damm hard, but when i look things up and such it just says to go with the feeling or sensation, so apart from feeling him go in and out of me and the pain i get what other feelings should be going on? im trying to take notice of it all but without knowing what im looking for how can i? its just so damm frustrating and irratating for me, and him, knowing that i dont get anything out of the session at all, and obviously i have never orgasmed yet!!! even on my own when i try, i never even get wet! i just feel like im pushing something in me for the sake of it, or i could rub my clit for hours on end and it just plain hurts me, nothing ever feels nice or anything at all

 

i havent heard about vestobulodynia, i'm sry.

but you do feel pleasure from the simple not sex related things? like... when you sit in the sunlight on a warm lazy day and someone is playing with your hair and you feel this weird sensation, shivering... ( happens to me) it's not really sex related but it's a simple secret pleaure.

i think sexual pleasure is like that but alot stronger+you feel great passion and you kind of lose your mind

 

hmm 2 questions
do you smoke weed? do you like porn?

sometimes weed helps you to relax and 'feel more'. and porn is always good when you're alone

( gosh i sound like a boy)

 

ok are you saying that it feels similar to when someone else brushes your hair? shivery/tingly stuff? im that case nope i dont ever feel like that!!

as for the other stuff , weed nope! and porn, well we dont really watch it, only recently have we got a couple of dvds and even then it doesnt really inspire me never mind do i feel anything from watching it!!

 

I may be just some lovable 15 y/o English guy lol (joking) but maybe you just need to wait for a while until your "inspiration" comes back. If you dont feel anything now, theres no use trying to make yourself feel something. I'm a guy so it might be different, but i sometimes go thru weeks or even months where i have no desire to do anything related to sex.

Anyway thats just my 2 PENCE lol

 

how about trying waiting for years then? in my case i have been like this as long as i can remember and seeing as hubby and i havebeen together for 25 years thats a lot of waiting to do!

 

I thought i would be wrong lol sorry.
Ok i'm a noob! Lol. Maybe someone else has the answer.

 

hey its not cuse your wrong or anything its because im so damm sick and tired of waiting to feel or even be part of the "normal" sex world out there that i feel like this, feeling like you dont want sex for a couple of months is one thing but when you want to feel the normal range of things that happen with sex and never once in your life, makes you feel like your disabled in some sexual way

 

I have two thoughts. Do you have orgasms? From yourself or your partner?

My other thought is that if this is really bothering you, there are professionals who might be able to help. A life long condition is ... well, it's long.

 

so you have problems with arousal... unfortunately it's one of the most difficult sexual problems to cure... have you talked to docs about your lack of desire/arousal? i'm pretty sure there are things to do about it, but i don't know what they are.

and to answer your original question, feeling aroused for me is feeling a tingling nice sensation in my crotch area and usually some wetness. feeling horny can be totally unrelated to anything else going on around me (just that time of month when i'm ovulating i guess) or it can be mental or physical stimulation that causes it.

 

been to the professionals but she couldnt/wouldnt help was more interested in abusing me verbally in front of hubby, i nearly hit the woman!!

whats feeling horny?

 

you need to find a new therapist then.

feeling horny=feeling sexually aroused or in the mood for sex.

 

human brain is the greatest sexual organ we have.
you have to start with some sexy thoughts!

 

I found this on the web for ya - I hope it helps:

There is no simple cure, but most patients will respond to one or more of a variety of treatments, to the point at which it is no longer a problem.

How can vestibulodynia be treated?

Various treatments can be tried. Some of them may suit some women better than others; and so it is worth trying different things to see which will help you personally.

The following are sensible lines of treatment:

1. Avoid soap, bubble baths, shower gels, shampoos, special wipes and deodorants in this area. Wash with a soap substitute, as this will keep your skin soft and provide a barrier against irritation. Aqueous cream and emulsifying ointment are good soap substitutes, and can be bought over the counter. Use vaseline to protect the area from chlorine when you are swimming.

2. A local anaesthetic ointment can be used to numb the area, reducing discomfort, and “re-educating” the over-sensitive nerve endings. 5% Lidocaine ointment can be bought over the counter from your chemist. It may sting a little when first applied, but this will settle. Those with mild symptoms can use it as and when it is required. Those with more severe symptoms can apply it regularly. The ointment may also be applied 10 minutes before intercourse but, if a condom is being used, the ointment must be wiped off fully as it can interfere with its protective ability.

3. If your skin reacts to being scratched by showing red lines (a condition known as dermatographism) then an antihistamine taken regularly may help.

4. If none of these measures gives you enough relief, then oral medication may be needed to damp down pain appreciation by the central nervous system. Three types are commonly used:


a. Amitriptyline. This was developed as an anti-depressant but is now used for many pain problems (e.g. for migraine and post-shingles neuralgia). The dose should start at 10mg at night, and gradually increase each week by an extra 10mg per night. The effective dose varies from patient to patient but is usually between 20 and 100mg. Once the effective dose has been reached, you should stay on it for 3 months before gradually reducing it.


b. Gabapentin. This is an anti-epileptic drug, which is also used for pain. The dose should start at 300mg at night and gradually increase to 300mg three times a day. If necessary it can be increased to 600mg, 3 times daily.


c. Pregabalin. This is similar to Gabapentin but is used at the dose of 75-300mg, taken twice daily.

5. There is no scientific evidence that anti-candidal or low oxalate diets work for vestibulodynia.



What can I do?
Sorry to hear you have this. Good news is, it can be trained back to normal with time and patience.

I found this additional info for you:

Do not worry, as this condition is not dangerous or contagious. Follow the guidelines given above, and find what works best for you. Look at the stresses in your life (e.g. from your job, family, money, or partner) and try to reduce them as far as possible. High levels of stress will increase pain. Painful intercourse may have emotional and psychological effects on your relationships. It is important to understand this, and to communicate fully with your partner, discovering techniques that are comfortable and suit you both. Occasionally psychosexual counselling from an expert may help.

Where can I find out more about vestibulodynia?

There are many websites for vulvodynia and vestibulodynia but the information there is not always reliable.

In the UK: Vulval Pain Society
PO Box 7804

Nottingham

NG3 5ZQ

Website: http://www.vulvalpainsociety.org/



British Society for the Study of Vulval Disease

Website: http://www.bssvd.org/

In the USA: International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease

Website: www.issvd.org/


National Vulvodynia Association

Website: http://www.nva.org/

As for the other issues, did I understand that there is no emotional response? I'm guessing I'm wrong on that due to the fact that you posted the question in the first place.

 

thanks for the research!! i have already read all that manytimes over. my doctor has started me off with the anti depressants, which im not to happy about taking as for the reaction that i had last time i was on some 3 years ago.

obviously there is an emotional response, one of sheer frustration, one that i have n o understanding of due to being excluded from this so called normal response to sex, i have never been apart of that world, i have had sex many times over theyears with my hubby, and until recently it was totally for his benefit, i never knew that women orgasmed i thought it was totally a male thing, and as far as the clit goes i didnt even know what one was nevermind the fact that i had one, as i had never annouced its presence to me in all this time, it still hasnt.

 

Anti - depressents will make it worse

 

psychosexual i like that word..heehee i had a few gf's that that fit..but sorry thats off topic
i would try those things alana suggested, but with noooo stimulation at all for a couple months..then you start on your own extremely light and gently..feather light
from what im understanding from outr talks youve basicaly been worn raw, and calloused since very young and u need to let things heal gently..further attempts to force feelings now will only do more dammage..give those therapies time to work then ease into it, 1st alone then with him..if hes lil dence and is too rough repeatedly then see about the psychosexual counceling for u both

btw why did u almost hit her what did she say