How many times before anal becomes easier/better?

Me and my GF have anal sex sometimes. I love it, she doesn't mind it as such but she finds it painful (mainly at the beginning when I go in), I have a hard time getting in, and she takes forever to loosed up.

We've tried a few things; different lubes, different positions, trying to relax more, having sex first etc. But we're still finding it awkward and the pain for her is still outweighing the pleasure (even though she does get some enjoyment).

She basically seems to have a really tight ass what won't seem to loosed up.

Has anyone else experienced this? How long/many times did it take before you (or her) started to loosen and find it easier and better?

Thanks

 

She has to relax. My wife prefers to prepare for anal but can handle it spur of the moment too. Your girl needs to do what she finds relaxing to her. For example my wife likes a hot bath and a glass of wine. She also likes to do an enema as well. Just so she is nice and clean. There were many hurdles my wife had to learn how to control (like relaxing). She never talked to me about this but I think another hurdle for her was accepting the fact that she enjoyed anal sex.

 

Eat her ass first, then go to fingers or a butt plug. Try that and let us know how it goes. I highly recommend a butt plug, leave that in during normal sex so it can slowly dilate the secondary (inner) anal sphincter.

Analingus is the best way hands down to relax the anus. Having regular sex will not relax the anus because you are not stimulating it directly.

U can't zen your way to anal with only mental relaxation, you have to relax the inner sphincter which is not in her conscious control it's autonomic.

Licking it triggers it to relax because it's being pleasured and stimulated.

Good luck,

Ace

 

Tbh I love anal and have been having it maybe 1-2 a week for a decade and I still find the initial penetration fairly painful. Luckily I enjoy that kind of pain and get a kick out of it.

I definitely recommend, spending a long, long time playing with her arse. Massage her back and cheeks slowly working inward then massage and trace around the hole for a long, long time before slowly fingering her arse. Lick it, kiss it, experiment.


The thing that got me over the whole act being painful was that kind of attention toward my arse. Not just in the lead up to anal sex because just knowing the so called relaxing techniques are leading up to The Event for me made it in no way relaxing.
Have some fun with her arse for a few weeks, have her associate it with nothing but pleasure before moving on to slowly insert things like fingers, thumbs and even butt plugs. She'll end up craving cock - or at least I know I did.


I hope that makes sense.

 

Thanks for the replies guys. I wouldn't mind trying licking and fingering her arse but she's funny about those things. She likes my cock up her arse (once she loosed up), and she likes me cumming in there. But she really finds arse foreplay a turn off. She doesn't like me licking and fingering it (I've suggested and tried it).

I could put the idea of a butt plug to her.

 

That's because she's probably self conscious about either you being that close to her arse (seeing, smelling) or she fears it won't be clean and she'll be embarrassed. But as others had said, licking it really is the best way, and fun too. Once she's tried it I'm positive she won't regret allowing you to do it. Suggest a bath or shower before hand and a drink or two to relax.

As bigdaddyo said, another factor can be the mind set; it is hard for some to accept that they can enjoy anal sex (even when they do) because they have been so conditioned to thinking that they mustn't. There is no easy fix for this.

Try the spoons position and have her draw her legs right up, which is for most people a comfortable and relaxed position.

 

Thanks for the reply.

I'm not sure mind set is a problem as she is keen on doing it and learning to enjoy it, and she has enjoyed it in the past. But she's does have embarrassment and clean/smell issues with me licking and fingering her arse first. I'll try to persuade her somehow.

We haven't tried spoons yet (for anal), we'll give that a go next time.

 

Yes, and she has to be super excited. Excited with the idea of getting it back there specifically. She has to be comfortable with it. If playing with it isnt working, even with your tongue, fingers or dildos or plugs she has to get comfy with it herself. She can start in the shower with a finger or two (use lube not soap!) and alone as well so there's no psychological pressure or expectations. Later you can get her to play with herself for you, then move to your fingers or tongue and toys.

If she isnt totally mentally comfortable with it, and also hot to receive you back there, she wont loosen up subconsciously, never mind consciously. She has to really want it

 

I definitely recommend, spending a long, long time playing with her arse. Massage her back and cheeks slowly working inward then massage and trace around the hole for a long, long time before slowly fingering her arse. Lick it, kiss it, experiment.


Very good advice in my opinion.
Every person is different of course but my wife needs me to massage her asshole with my lubricated thumb before she will allow me to put my dick in. She does NOT WANT me to stick my finger in during this initial phase and she does not enjoy having her asshole licked. I have wondered why she does not enjoy analingus but to each her own. Other women I have know have really enjoyed it.
My advice for reducing the initial pain, based on the feedback I have received, is to massage her with lube as stated above and then slowly push your well lubed cock against her anus, allowing her to control the pace of your entry.
Once you are half way in, STOP, allowing her to adjust to the feel of your cock. Allow her to tell you when to move and how much to move. After a few minutes of this warm up I like to apply a wad of thick lube to my index & middle fingers and put it up her butt, if she is open enough at this point of course. This lube up the butt usually needs to be applied once but it really helps with making anal sex less painful.
Now you are ready for the 2nd stage. At this point she should be fairly relaxed and your movements can be a bit more vigorous if that is what she wants. During this phase I concentrate on giving her her initial orgasm. My wife uses a vibrator on her clit and directs my movements until she cums. She can only achieve orgasm if I hold still when she is on the verge but I fine this pleasurable because it allows me to feel the subtle contractions in her colon as she cums.
In my experience, once a woman has an orgasm her sphincter loosens up a good bit and she may appreciate more vigorous thrusting, often leading to another orgasm.
Hope this helps you two.
At least she is willing to keep on trying with you.
I'm sure that with time & practice things will get better.

 

Yum. Well that made me cum all over my fingers. So cheers from me alone.haha!

 

I'm sorry but that is super hot!

 

I feel like I can write a book on this. Yes, two glasses of wine is an excellent start. Seriously! Get her off one way or the other before you begin the ass play.That will also help her relax.

She needs to be in control of things. The best thing you can do is to have her dilate her own ass with one, two, or three fingers. Let her do all of the work at her own pace.

Use a small vibrator to relax her ass. Just place the tip of the vibrator on her ass with a little pressure. Her ass will open naturally as it relaxes. Replace the vibrator with a larger plug. Replace the plug with an even larger plug.

I personally began to enjoy anal play when I discovered that the intensity of my orgasms was a hundred times stronger with a plug in my ass and a vibe on my clit.

While on all fours have her remove the plug right before you slip inside. Now here's the secret. She needs to vibe her clit while you are inside. If she has a Hitachi, then all the better. While getting off with a Hitachi, I promise you that her mind will not be on her ass.

I left out all the usual stuff about going slow and using plenty of lube. Remember, the key is to let her relax and open her own ass.

Trust me, it gets much easier with time, and it's well worth the effort.

 

That's because the male and female orgasm both have the same pelvic muscle contractions, since they are physiologically the same - after all the clitoris is just an undeveloped penis. Interfering with those contractions seems to feed back into the sexual response, prolonging and heightening the pleasure.