How to stop my friend's drinking?

I just need some ideas... he is drunk all the time. he is currently a senior in high school, and he's texted me randomly during the week (at like 8:00 on a wednesday night or something) saying "omg i lovee ruma dkc coke" or some bullshit. He seems to always be drunk when he's not in school, he has things to do that you would think would keep him from drinking (karate practice, homework, etc) but he just does all of those things drunk. he doesn't care about his productivity slipping or anything, he's just so stressed out the only way he knows how to deal with it is drinking.

I know his dad is an alcoholic and alcoholism runs in his family. he has an addictive personality and is at a HUGE risk. I'm really worried about him... I was worried about him last year and the year before, because he always drank way too much and threw up or passed out or just did something ridiculous. However, I always figured it was just him trying to show off or something, because that was when he was drinking with his friends. Now he is always drinking by himself on school nights, and its not even like he just has a few drinks, he gets REALLY drunk.

Anyway, he always complains about me smoking (cigs) and he wants me to quit, and I told him that I would try to quit smoking if he tried to quit drinking, but he's not willing. I asked him why not and he said that "drinking is different from smoking". I told him they were both unhealthy ways to release stress. How else can I help him/convince him to stop?

 

If he knows you think he has an drinking issue and dislike it why is he texting these kind of messages to you? Logical options are he wants either attention/perhaps even help or he wants to be an alcoholic and think it's cool (hard to think if his dad is one too be honest). Just wondering. In either case I'm afraid it's hard to make him quit, I'm not really sure how you can do it. At first instance I'd say let him know the hard way for awhile and tell him you dislike his drinking so much he can fuck himself and see if he cares. If he continues going down stop and try another approach. Good luck :cheers2:... uhm :hat:

 

It won't be easy to get him to quit. Especially because you already talked to him and he isn't willing. He probably is on his way to alcoholism especially if his dad is one. I would have another talk with him.. a serious one. Tell him how much it hurts ya that his drinking has got so bad, and give examples of what he's fucking up at (karate, school, etc.) and see if that gets him then.

He probably doesn't realize how much he's fucking up because he's drunk all the time. Good luck!

 

i've been quite rude to him when he texts me drunk... i honestly dont want to deal with it, and at this point i dont even care about him when he is drunk just because texting him is such a hassle (when i try to call he'll ignore it...)

ive told him that drinking is not cool, and that its really lame to drink by yourself. i dont think hes doing it to be "cool" or whatever, i think hes telling me for attention, i mean, whenever he's drunk he just acts out to get attention.

he seems to think that drinking is way different from smoking because people drink at parties. i tried to explain to him that not everyone drinks at parties (my sister is a liver transplant recipient and cant drink, and shes perfectly fine not drinking at parties) but he didnt believe me, he said since she has a disease that doesnt allow her to drink its different (i guess he doesnt realize that alcoholism is a disease, or doesnt want to admit that he really has a problem). I told him i'm not quitting smoking unless he quits drinking. He just doesnt get it at all.... i'd like to have a more in depth conversation with him about all of this but unless i'm texting him theres no way for me to talk to him, whenever im home from school and we hang out, he always brings all his annoying friends along with him.

thats the other thing, his friends are all younger and think its cool to drink, they dont see it as a problem. they're only feeding his addiction, and theyre the people he sees all the time because theyre all in high school with him.

 

So he doesn't go to school w/ you? Thanksgiving break is like 2 weeks away, so you have time to think about what you wanna say to him and things.. but I really think you should have a private conversation with him. Tell him to hang with you but not bring any of his friends because you have something important to talk to him about. If he says no he doesn't wanna talk or whatever, tell him that it's something really important to you, and if yins are good enough friends he should listen.

If he still doesn't want to, then send him a text message saying everything, or a note, or something that he can at least read and get it through his head.

 

You can't help anyone better themselves until they are ready to help themselves. Your best bet is to spare yourself by establishing some distance from this person-- the only thing you'll accomplish by trying to "make" him stop is to get hurt... very badly. He wants enablers and will find them. It's likely the only role he's interested in you filling.

 

I agree with stink, some people need to learn they're making a mistake by themself. hopefully it won't be a failing liver that helps this kid wake up.

 

i just told him i wasnt going to quit smoking if he wasnt willing to quit drinking
he responded "aww"
and i said "hey if you aren't willing them i'm not willing"

then he said "but smoking is worse for you than drinking"

i think he just doesnt understand how bad drinking is for him... i sent him another text explaining what drinking can do. i'll try to talk to him this weekend when i'm home and if that doesnt work i'll ignore him until thanksgiving and see what happens.

 

agreed with stinkfoot

 

He isn't going to understand anything he isn't ready to. He clearly doesn't want to quit drinking, doesn't think it's a problem, and isn't open to what you have to say.

Again, back away.... establish a more distant relationship so when he FINALLY decides that he needs to make changes he'll more likely come to you for support because you haven't poisoned the friendship by preaching a sermon he isn't willing to hear.... or messed yourself up getting caught up in his addiction.

 

Why would you even attempt to change him, the only one who can enact change in his life is him. Someone nagging him to stop drinking isn't going to help, if anything it will just make him want to drink more. Especially if you are a pothead (not sure how much you smoke) or a constant cigarette smoker you have no business telling him that his poison of choice is bad just because of the way he uses it.

I get drunk by myself all the time, am I trying to escape problems or relieve stress? HELL NO, I am just trying to have a good time and feel great, and alcohol does that for me. If it doesn't do that for you, then that sucks, but I'm sure he is having a great time drinking lol

He is dumb in saying that smoking is different than drinking, but you honestly have no room to tell him that he shouldn't drink until you do quit the cigarettes. At that point you can show him that you kept up your end of the argument. IMO though you are fighting a losing battle, drinking is a personal decision, and you simply don't make decisions for others.

 

the only reason i care is because he constantly chooses to tell me how fucking drunk he is all the time. i care about this kid, he's one of my good friends. i wouldnt be worried if he just did it for fun (even though i still think thats fucking retarded, and the fact that you're 17 doesnt make me convinced that i should just leave him alone) hes specifically told me that hes drinking because he's stressed.

i know i'm nagging him for drinking when i smoke, but he nags me for smoking when he drinks. thats why i told him that i would stop smoking if he stops drinking. i know i shouldnt smoke, but im not willing to stop simply because i like doing it/it hasnt done any harm yet. sure its a dumb reason, but i'd be more willing to stop if he was going to quit with me.

 

i got drunk by myself last night
i'm getting drunk by myself right now
i'm just doing it cause I can't smoke any weed since i'm broke right now. nothin wrong with that....right?
call him out on just being an attention whore.

 

give dude a dose of Disulfiram..

 

Well simply tell him that you don't care if he's drunk or not and that he shouldn't text you those messages anymore.

You think drinking for fun is retarded, yet you like smoking cigarettes WTF, no offense but if anything THAT is retarded. At least drinking gets you drunk, smoking does nothing except possibly make you have to take a shit. Going by your own logic he isn't willing to stop because he likes doing it/it hasn't given him liver disease or killed him, so no harm done

If neither of you want to quit what you are doing, then this entire thread is pointless.

Also not taking my opinion seriously because I am one year younger than you are is pretty retarded in itself, especially since I am simply answering your question, regardless of it's what you want to hear.

 

lol i thought it was only me

 

when i said drinking for fun is retarded, i meant along the lines of on a tuesday night, being bored and raiding your parents liquor cabinet and getting ridiculously trashed and then having to wake up the next morning feeling like shit for school.

i am willing to quit smoking. i dont necessarily want to, but i'll definitely quit if he stops drinking.

 

Who says you can't drink on tuesdays lol, drinking during the school week is one of the most fun times to drink. I would agree with you that saying his drinking is retarded if he was getting drunk before school or something, but I see nothing wrong with getting drunk after school at night.

Also not everyone feels like shit when they wake up, I drank a half pint, had xanax, and smoked a bunch of weed last night and this morning I felt stupendous. And boredom is probably the number one cause for people doing anything in this world other than money or pleasure. Drinking is also a great cure for boredom, no lie haha

In fact I have been drunk every night for the past 2-3 weeks except last wednesday. I don't feel that I need to drink, and if I don't already have booze I won't avidly seek it. I just love drinking while I'm smoking, and I'm always smoking :cheers2:

 

If it was me, I probably wouldn't take advice from someone else who has a problem. If you can't take the big step to cure your cig addiction, then he probably won't either. Ask him to quit with you for a month, don't say he needs to quit for you to quit your addiction. COME ON! If he doesn't quit then, then you can't help him. Sorry, but you don't have any experience in dealing with another's addiction, if you can't handle your own. If he simply won't quit at all, seek professional help for him. STOP giving him attention, that's what he wants. ignore all of his txts, until he learns to grow up and take life seriously

 

All check is doing is being a good friend. She doesn't want to see her friend go down the wrong path. We don't know her friend or how severe this problem is.. if she is this concerned, then I'm thinking it's a pretty serious problem. Quit shitting on her!!