I always notice this in girls

they really love to like guys that they know are bad for them
guys that they know are assholes, guys that always treat them like shit, and such
can someone explain why to me?
or give me advice I can pass along to girlies about this?

I just always feel so bad for my friends when I see them in this situation, and though I try to help them and give them advice, seeing how I've never had this problem, it makes it a lot harder

 

Sorry, can't help you. I've never had this problem either.

*rolls eyes*

 

I say just stay out. I don't know. Girls will learn eventually. It only took me one bad relationship with a guy that was an asshole to me, for me to realize that wasn't the kind of guy I wanted to be with. My boyfriend now may be an asshole to others, but isn't to me, and that's what I care about.

/ramble

 

Its because a lot of "good guys" are boring and "bad guys" are exciting.

 

try relationships, there are a few threads in there about this, bout the badboy phenomenon and "nice guys finishing last" type crap.

Personally, I don't really get it. Bad boys can be nice to look at but usually just speaking to them pisses me off, let alone dating 'em.

 

I think girls who continuously pick guys like this have low self esteem. these men treat them like shit, but tell them differently, saying they "love" them, and that the girls can't survive without them. unfortunately, I've known a few girls like this, and they really believe it, sometimes giving their whole lives to these men who treat them terribly and have no intention of stopping, no matter what their words say.

 

The sex is better.

 

When I've dated assholes, it's been because I was in no frame of mind to be getting into a serious relationship but still wanted something... So I didn't date the guys who were nice guys, because I knew I'd wind up hurting them. Instead I dated assholes who either wouldn't care, or, if they wound up actually caring and got hurt, well, they probably deserved it.

And when you're not ready for anything serious anyway, the assholes are usually more exciting! Definitely not someone to give your heart to, but fun for now, ya know.

Of course, if your friends are stupidly giving their hearts away to assholes who trample all over them, well, that's not something I have personal experience with. The women I've know who tend to do such things have had self esteem issues and/or came from homes where daddy was abusive to mommy and they're just falling into the cycle of abuse. In either case, all you can do is be there and be a good friend -- they have to realize and decide to work on these issues on their own.

 

Well, I think I'm fairly well-qualified to answer this question. Don't get me wrong here, my husband and I never really fight, he has NEVER hit me or anything, but we've had our rough times.
When I first met him, he was the "bad boy" type . He was on probation with a fine of over $1000 for destroying the interior of a cop car, kicking a female officer in the head and destroying equipment at the hospital (very drunken New Years a couple years ago). He was a heavy drinker, did quite a bit of other drugs (mostly coke, since I don't consider weed a "drug"), was known to be a "fighter" and a "trouble causer". Most of my friends warned me about him, some of HIS friends warned me about him, and everybody just thought, "she doesn't know what she's getting into."
Now, I realize that a lot of situations are different, but there was jsut something that I couldn't ignore, I just didn't know what. I just saw that he didn't want to be like that, but it was all he ever knew. He grew up with no father, no family that he was close with, no really close friends that he could talk to or really kept in contact with for long, etc. I gave him someone to talk to, someone to trust, someone that would love him all the time, no matter what he did wrong. And y'know what? I started to notice something - the more he did wrong, the more I told him and showed him that I loved him anyway, and the more he wanted to do better. It took over a year and a half, two wrecked vehicles, a few fights that were the result of past conflicts, some apologising to friends and family and A LOT of patience, especially on my part... but now he's a 21-year-old recovering alcoholic, he's the guy that goes to family dinners, fixes things for his grandma and is ALWAYS there when a friend needs help. He's kept a job longer than he ever has before. All of the friends that warned me about him before, now seem to just want to tell me they "wish they had what we have" and "can't believe he actually did it" (got married, that is - he's never had a relationship longer than a few months before this). He wants a house with animals and gardens and a couple kids, some day. He's the guy that most of his friends never would have imagined him turning out to be, and everybody that's known him longer than I have says they've never seen him so happy.

So, my best advice? If the friend in the bad relationship gets into those kind of relationships because they just have low self-esteem, try to help them out... even if you have to help them out of it. If the relationship seems to be a serious harm to their well-being, it's more than okay to say something to them about it, and NEVER be afraid to talk to them, just be gentle and let them know that you're worried and just want to help. But if the friend in the bad relationship seems to know what they're getting into, if they're stubborn about it (like me, instead of getting mad when he did something terrible, I'd just kinda laugh, roll my eyes and go "what are we gonna do with you?"), if they seem to KNOW they might be in over their head and just won't listen to what anybody says, well... maybe there's more to it than anybody else knows. So try to be encouraging, watch out for them (verbal/phisical abuse is NEVER acceptable), give them somebody to confide in when things go wrong, but don't try to push them away... either from your friendship, or from their relationship with the other person. If it wasn't for my husband's best friend, I don't know if I could have held up the strength to keep pushing him in a better direction than he was going before. Having close contact with his best friend was a HUGE help, a heads-up to what kinds of things he was capable of (he was terrible at controlling his anger before, but again, he never hit me or anything), what would just piss him off even worse, what would calm him down, etc. Having someone that wouldn't discourage me (because he didn't want to ruin things for his best friend) and that I could talk to about our relationship and everything was a HUGE help in pushing my husband in the right direction and keeping me from getting dragged into the way he was before I came along.

 

So exciting guys are the ones who beat you up or use you and degrade you into nothing but a "pussy to bang"?

 

Life's a party.

 

i aways question myself this too. I can never find a guy that isn't an asshole or a junky. When I do find a nice guy he already has a woman! I don't like it trust me. Once I find out the the dude is a douche, i bounce out of his life. I have a low tollerance for assholes.

 

they're so damn charismatic. i think that's it.

 

Bad boys can be very sexy..Until they do your best friend..

Most girls grow out of it, & become women..Those that don't..You don't want them anyways.

Best wishes.

 

Now this is my observation, problem is most 'nice guys' are 'nice' because when they are put in spot light , they aim to please other people, especially girls

and this "trying to please" attitude is sometimes seen as a weakness...


Second, when it comes to girls: girls who come under normal range are supposedly not asked out - for the reason that most guys "nice/bad" in general aim to date really pretty girls with out actually knowing who is behind the bag of flesh/bones that they are attracted to.

From my personal experience, just because the girl's looks seem to be "angelic" does not necessarily mean she is going to have an attitude that is complacent with normal behavior. In fact, the more prettier they get, the more arrogant and stuck up they get.

They get so stuck up , that even when the guy does not even try to date, they show him an attitude- thinking that he is asking for a date or thinking that he is attracted to them.

Now comes the sad part : Their attractiveness will fade before their arrogance fades away , the net result will be a very unpleasant wake up call further down the road.

 

then its a disgrace! women should look for a man who is dependable, caring, loving and supporting, not some one who is going to just bang up and leave them high and dry while this guy goes to find some one younger. I think this happens alot in this fucked up society, thats why there are all these problems. If men and women behaved and knew what they will truly be happy with, then we could avoid half of the problems plaguing this stupid society .

 

especially the teenage part of it

girls really are stupid.
adolescent guys are typically out for fun
and adolescent girls are usually out for guys that seem great at first glance, and they just seem to hook on this idealistic view of the person, and no matter how shitty he acts, she views him in that idealistic sense
at least, that's my theory on why girls always end up with cockheads

 

In my experience the "assholes" that some women go out with are usually only treat other guys (usually the single ones) like shit. And even when they do treat their partners like shit, they are usually good looking and in some way "powerful" (wealthy, good car, lots of friends, good job etc…).

I know this isn't the way that some people think women should act, but maybe they go out with the assholes because "bad boys" make them wet. Maybe they just want some fun before they settle down. Plenty of guy's stay with women who are complete bitches simply because they are good looking and kinky. What makes people think that some young women aren't doing the same thing?

 

noo, I am talking about guys that are assholes to the girlies

 

I'm drunk as hell and don't really have a response to this.

I don't think life is nearly as bad as you say. People are happy. Girls are easy. Like I said, life's a party.