I am afraid of being a parent

As I mentioned earlier in one of the threads, my introduction thread, to be precise, that I am a 24 years old male but I have this problem for last 4 years or so. I have been afraid of being a parent. As soon as I think of getting married and/or becoming a parent, I really get an awfully strange and scary feeling which prevents me from doing this. I feel that its the hell of a hectic job to raise even a single child in today's world. Teaching him/her the distinction between good and bad deeds seems to me the most difficult job. Schooling, upbringing, making them responsible citizens, looking after them throughout the life......OMG, I wonder how did my parents manage all this !
What is your opinion regarding this? Do I thin right? Are you of the same opinion as me or you disagree with me? I am open to discussion. :sunny:

 

You're 24, you're supposed to feel that way. The world is an evil place. When I was pregnant I was terrified at the thought of bringing a child into this world. Just take your time, you're young and there is no rush to have a baby. If you still feel the same way in your thirties there is no rule that you have to have a child. And if you do, simply raise them to change the world.

 

I think everybody comes to the point when they feel the fear of becoming a parent. It's natural. Don't dwell on it though.

 

OMG, its such a sweet reply by you. I posted this thread quite a few days ago and then almost forgot that I had posted it. I love the part when you say that there is not rule that you have to have a child. That's a very very encouraging post for me actually. I just become afraid of social pressures or maybe of answering to people's questions.
But if I become relaxed thinking that I won't have any child, (which makes me really happy), I become afraid of being alone at the old age. But then what is the guarantee that if I'd have a child or two, they would be there for me when I become older. Lots of thoughts in my mind, I guess, I have complicated this thing for myself. I would have got married at least 2 years ago had this been not an issue for me to ponder over. I so much want to get married at the moment, because of my mental and physical satisfaction but only this thing prevents me from doing so.

 

Well,to add to your trepidation,I can tell you that worrying about your kids NEVER ends. In a way,they're always your "little" ones in your mind,even if they're 6' 5" and 6'6" like mine. It's a constant worry,but being a parent can also bring the greatest of joy and happiness. You'll know when you're ready.


Of course as we can see by what happened in Newtown---sadness and despair awaits us just around every corner. Luck of the draw in this life.

 

Well, this thing ^ creates a kind of war in my mind. It leaves many many questions to me regarding whether I should or should not become a parent. One night, I just decide that I'd not and try to stay firmly on that and the next night, I decide to become one and try to stay on that but then it changes again and so on. I mean, I am seriously extremely upset over this as I do want to reach a solid conclusion whether I should or not become a parent. I really wish to get out of this war once and for all but somehow I just cannot find out the way.

 

Little babies are really fun to be around. I mean a month or two up until about 2-1/2 when they start getting obstreperous because they realize that they are individuals and can get reactions from big people by acting out--saying NO and other somewhat irritating little things they've discovered. The "terrible twos" are often talked about,but let me tell you--3 is much worse. Now around 4,they start to be little people and get to be fun again and can be talked to in (sort of) an adult way. From then on --depending on home life,it gets to be really fun. But again,you'll know when you're ready. You may never be. It's a life changer for sure. Best thing ever to happen for me. But that's me. Good luck with it. Oh --just remembered . My aunt told me when I was young--"if there's ANY DOUBT in your mind about a situation where a decision is required--say no".

 

OMG, what I get from your aunt's statement is that I should say "NO" to children. Might be true! Might be good for my decision!

 

It works,because in most cases,you can change your mind later. There's a book out about "hunches" and how one should listen to them. Kind of the same as what my aunt said. (only he's making money selling a book about it). You have plenty of time to think about this stuff. You may meet someone that you will know immediately that you want have a child with that person. But many folks never want kids. Either way seems OK to me. Just depends.

 

As I think has already been said, there’s certainly no rule that says you must become a parent. Your expression of trepidation says, IMHO, that you realize (at least some) of the difficulties involved with rearing a child and, because of that, may be inclined to better handle the responsibility than if simply making plans while thinking you have all the answers. Trust me: no one has all, maybe not even most of the answers – every child is different in some respect even in their early years – and, there’s not really any “learner’s permit”.

Being a parent is a huge responsibility – kids learn so much through imitation and are the only thing of consequence most of us are able to leave to the world. It can also be a huge disappointment – a lifetime of second guessing and wondering…

While it’s absolutely NOT the reason to have children, they will, if you let them, make YOU a better person.

 

Thanks so very much for your posts. I really feel much better and lighter, reading your posts. Thanks to your aunt as well!

 

You don't have to make any decisions now, you don't know what the future holds. I have a little 18 month old girl who is awesome, I was petrified when I was pregnant, there was so much information and almost guidelines for parenting around I felt stuck with questions in my mind like 'what if she is really naughty?', 'what if she is bullied or bullies at school', 'how will I beable to bring up a child' etcetc.. when she was born and laid on my chest and we bonded instantly, I decided that whatever happens, this little person is mine and I will do anything, even die, to protect her. 18 months later and we've had our ups and downs, sleepless nights, both of us crying out of confusion and frustration, but then she smiles and I know that whatever I am doing is just fine because she is such a happy kid..

Instinct takes over, when the time comes, and fears disappear. Any problems can change daily, but theres always this sense of pride you get looking at your laughing child and knowing you did the right thing and they have a life where they can enjoy laughter and be happy.

I never wanted kids, got pregnant unexpectedly and now I am just so glad. But, to say that doesnt mean I ever would have had kids, had I not gotten pregnant. And I likely won't have anymore either, because it is bloody hard work

 

:iagree:Very well said 'olddog'
I couldn't of said it better :2thumbsup:

 

MamaPeace nicely expressed

 

Thanks so very much for such a nice and detailed response.
"18 months later and we've had our ups and downs, sleepless nights, both of us crying out of confusion and frustration, but then she smiles and I know that whatever I am doing is just fine because she is such a happy kid".
^ This is the thing which is most apprehensive for me. I feel that kids kind of automatically start black mailing you. Well definitely, if I am responsible for bringing someone into this world, then I definitely owe a lot to him/her. It becomes my obligation then to do everything for him/her. And there is my point. Kids take this particular thing for granted, I suppose much like what we generally do with our parents. Knowing that our parents cannot leave us irrespective of what we do, kids blackmail them. This makes me much more confused regarding my decision as to have children or not.

 

I don't think you should make a decision, when the time comes you'll know..
They give so much back, yes you are obligated to look after them but that comes with the decision of becoming a parent, it isn't neccesarily black mail, children are their own people, you as a parent do not own them, you guide them and help them to make the right choices when you can.

 

I think that the time is now for me to decide. I mentioned earlier that I have refrained from the decision of my marriage just because I cannot decide about children.

 

Kids are the best thing that can happen to most people. Some folks aren't cut out for it. I can say if you have a kid you'll do exactly what the rest of us did. Muddle through it the best you can and do whats right for YOU not some self help person who wants to make money writing yet another book.

 

Lol, I am afraid that I would not be in those "most" people. ^

 

Like everyone else is saying, you don't HAVE to have kids.
No one is really prepared, we all learn as we go, since every kid is different and they don't come with instructions.

You have lots of time, you're still young. I know lots of people who are having their first child in their late 30's. Some of them needed to party a lot longer than others before settling down.