I broke-up with him because he started to care

Am I a horrible person? Because... it's not the first time.

I just can't be with someone who loves me... or has feelings for me... if I don't care for them that much. I'm at a time of my life where I just wanna have fun. I don't wanna get attached to anybody, well, if I do, I hope they love me too, but seriously... I can't just be with somebody who I think of as a friend (not even a friend, a... "buddy") who I fuck or sometimes even don't go as far as that, and sometimes don't go as far as calling them my official "boyfriend", if they start getting attached to me. Now if they tell me they "love" me that just scares me. I don't wanna break their heart, so I just have to end it, stop seeing them... is that really bad?

I mean, at the moment, as far as relationships go... I take them as they come... but seriously don't make plans. If it works out, great, it not, oh well. If I get attached to somebody and it doesn't work-out, it'll hurt, but... it's because I don't want other to be hurt because of me that I'd rather break-up, already knowing I'm not gonna get that into them, and just am having fun, before anymore drama.

What do you think? Do you think I should force myself to stay with them, see if I start building feelings? See but I'm able to anticipate that in advance. Usually, it works this way: I get feelings right away, or never. I'm like that.

*edit* I don't even get feelings like... ever... or hardly ever. I am really... I don't even know, I just don't let myself be fooled by infatuation and start getting all lovy-dovy and all... I was in love with only 1 guy and was actually "infatuated" (at the most) with 3, maybe 4. And I've dated A LOT. Do you think I have a problem?? My heart's just not easy to get. I'm not a mean girl, I'm extremely loving and sensitive... a great friend... but... I just don't fall in love easily, or even get feelings easily, it's just not... I don't know. But the times I have, it was fucking real. Maybe everyone's like me but tend to... confuse things, let themselves be carried away too fast, as soon as they have a crush on somebody they think they're in loooooooooooooove... that's just ridiculous...

 

Shoot, I know I'm in love..thats why I don't get hurt easily..I don't get jealous, and I just let the person live..in my opinion, thats what you do when you love someone..

However, in your case..I think you never should have gone out with him..I know how it is to have feelings..I've screwed a lot of people over because I loved 1 person while I was dating others..but I've learned from that..so I just dont date anymore..

But, if your the kinda person who likes to have fun, you need to be careful, some people may pretend like they are that type of person to just "have fun", but after a while, they start getting feelings..thats why its not always a=okay to have too much fun..people do have feelings..even if they are not you..And anyways, some people need to check out a person before they start gettign feelings for them..such as this guy..

I mean no offense, but its obvious that you are the type to just have fun, and if I was a guy, I would've known better than to fall for you in that way..

Here's how I see it, you play with fire, you get burnt..DUH..I've learned that over these past couple of months..But, I think you made your mistake by dating him..maybe your the type that shouldn't date at all..can you control yourself?

 

I used to get jealous.. actually the only time I ever was in love. But I realized I wasn't really jealous months after it was over... I realized I was just mentally ill and my judgement and attitude was messed-up because I was messed-up... when you aren't healthy, your relationships can't be healthy either. I regret getting jealous over people who were shit next to me. I regret making life hell for the one I loved... immensely. I realize all that now, that it really was a problem in my head. I was insecure with no reason to be, and... wasn't really insecure in fact, just... was sick, it's sad how sick I was. But all this is past and negative ans I don't wanna talk about it. I think getting a little jealous means you care, but getting jealous or not has nothing to do with love... I think it's how far your jealousy takes you that proves if you love the other or not. Trust them, let them be... that's loving. In my case I'd have been that way if I'd been mentally healthy, but unfortunately I wasn't. Oh well I'm not gonna go forward in life with regrets... past is past... too bad.

But anyways, to get back to my problem of the moment, I do wanna have fun, and I have dated a lot, but I'm not at all the type who HAS to be dating... I can definitely control myself and not date. I don't care. I just take situations as they come, I hook up with somebody, we may start seeing each other, then it sometimes becomes official, we're boyfriend-girlfriend, and it ends... usually... it just ends with no drama. I just can't be with someone if they have feelings for me and I don't. I don't wanna be dishonest. If I was with someone I had feelings for and they felt nothing like that for me, I'd want them to tell me, and not pretend, and hurt me more in the end...

I mean I don't wanna say: "okay I'm gonna be single and stop dating from now on" because... I just don't plan anything out. Things happen... you never know. I may meet someone I will actually get feelings for... and they will have feelings for me too... then great, we'll have a serious relationship... it'll hurt when it ends... or it may not end... who fucking knows, I don't wanna know, I just take things as they come.

I don't play any games... I'm hard, VERY hard to get as in... to be with me for fun is one thing, but to be with me and have me fully that's another thing.

 

I just think that you should let them know, or at least hint at, that you are not looking for a relationship or serious attachment. That way you won't have to hurt them, because they'll know that it's not a serious thing.

But at the same time, you might just meet a nice guy, and you'll like him, and he'll like you... and you'll get attached... and you'll have fun. Even if it doesn't last... it's only truly a big deal if you make one out of it.

 

true... I just don't want anyone to get hurt in the end. I think I'll start hinting from the start that I'm not looking to get engaged or anything like that haha

 

Yup, just be honest and up front, which in MOST cases like this women have a hard time being honest about what they really want. I don't know how many times a woman I have dated did everything to act as if they wanted a serious relationship, but in the end to only find out they just wanted to have fun, and not be tied down to ONE person. In every case I would have been fine with it had I known up front that is what they wanted. Any mature man should be cool with it, and if they are not, you know that up front.

You need to also be cool with them dating other people as well, its only fair!! I was seeing someone for a bit that was involved with someone else, and I knew that going in. However, she started trying to get terrritorial with ME when she found out I was dating others!!! Hypocritical!!!

 

oh yeah if I don't have feelings for them I couldn't care less who they see... we're in open relationships. that's for when you don't feel anything more than friendship or crush at the most.

 

yeah, I was going to say about the same thing as Rubin

ti's kinda fucked up not to warn them

other thatn that, you can't really help it

 

then maybe you should put a sign on that says "i dont want love i only want to fuck".

oddly enough some males really do get emotionally attatched and if your that way then you IMO are obligated to let that be known beforehand.

or you can just be a cruel bitch and use them till they fall and dump them,but thats pretty fucking low in my opinion..

 

I'd never use a guy that way, ever, usually I make it clear beforhand or... if I didn't it's because it seemed like they felt the same way too, then if they got attached it happened like a surprise, really, and totally unnexpected

 

well if they knew beforehand it aint your problem....

 

like with my ex Ty, he got all attached to me and extremely territorial, and I actually had feelings for him, I didn't love him, but I really really really liked him a lot and wouldn't cheat on him (simply because I didn't need to, I felt good enough with him) but he was so jealous that I would flirt and that other guys would look at me he got soooooooo mad once just because I didn't wanna be stuck to him at this party to give him some space with his buddies and hung out with those hippies for 2 hours and when I came back he made a scene... I mean... I just didn't know what to do with him, he was fun and outgoing and I thought I'll let him be not be stuck like glue to him all the time, cause it wasn't his type, and... he fucking complained I didn't care and was a slut or whatever... ridiculous. Guys can be complicated. I actually cared for him, enough to respect his lifestyle and he complained about that... haha.

 

guys are territorial, its more of an instinct, we all feel that way whether we show it or not, at lest with someone that we like and want to stick around. Some of us are just more subtle about it. When I am dating someone I can smell from a mile away if some other guy is trying to move in on my territory.