Ok, here's my situation. I really need some help. I'm 25 years old and have always had what I would call an abnormal fear of sex. I think I have a healthy sexual desire and I masturbate and can orgasm through my clit, but I am revolted at the thought of anything being near my vaginal opening. I have had very abnormal periods and I actually don't have periods at all anymore (I've only had a handful in my life, starting at age 16). When I did have them, I forced myself to attempt to put in a tampon. I was shaking so bad and got light headed and almost passed out. I went to my family doctor at the age of 19 to get a pap smear and she couldn't get the speculum anywhere close because it hurt so bad and I was crying uncontrollably. In college I went to a gynecologist, who examined me and diagnosed me with a microperforate hymen and suspected I had vulvodynia. Two summers ago I got surgery to open up my hymen (basically, it was so tight a q tip barely fit). The doctor that performed the surgery also told me I probably had vulvodynia (a pain condition of the vulva). Since then, I have made several attempts to have sex, because as you can imagine, it is very difficult to be in a relationship when sex is such a big issue for me. It's easier for me to stay away from guys altogether than to be in a situation where sex night come up. I fell in love with a guy last year and I tried so hard to have sex with him. Thoe experiences always ended up with me crying and being so upset at myself because I couldn't. I feel like this is some kind of psychological battle that I don't know how to win (I guess every phobia is). The thing is, I am totally ok with pain. I have tattoos, I love piercings, and I used to struggle a lot with self injury so I can handle pain. I just don't understand why sex and the thought of anything entering my vagina is such a crippling thing for me. Have any of you had issues like this and overcome? I could use any advice you have.
I would seek professional, psychological or psychiatric guidance. Asking a bunch of random strangers on the internet is unlikely to yield anything helpful when there are clearly both physical and emotional issues at play. I wish you well.
Just go for it. The first time is difficult for lots of people. Your not that unique. I'm terrified of going dentist (needles) but sometimes I have to put on my courage cape and go. You've been checked out by the doctor. Now go out there and enjoy the best thing about being human. Be sure to come back and tell how it went. Good luck!
I agree. There are things you need to work on. Dont force yourself to have vaginal sex ifyou dont want to. If you feel comfortable with clitoral stimulation, your partners can focusd on stimulating you that way. Lots of oral....sounds good to me. LOL But really, dont force yourself.
It sounds like to me your only so crippling scared of actual sex because you have never had a positive experience trying it. So the surgery didn't fix your extreme pain when you tried having sex? That is really a horrible condition, and I think you should talk to people that know about that disease to find out if theres a way to help ease pain during sex.
Maybe try some toys? You won't have any pressure from yourself to make it happen. Just try every now and again and maybe one day it will work out in a positive way...
I'm a dude, so I can't imagine what you're discomfort must be like. Aside from seeking professional help like a previous poster mentioned, my only advice is to use a dildo to get used to penetration. Of course, you could work it in a little bit at a time until your comfortable with full penetration. But either way, you should really get on top of this. Sure, it may not be a health-threatening problem, but you're missing out on great sex! Don't get down on yourself about it. Just seek help and see what you can do. I'm sure you're not alone in your problem. Our minds have a way of fucking with us. For instance, my ex was insane. She already had one kid and, in our neck of the woods, she is what you would consider a ghetto girl. A chick with no future. I lived with her, and in the back of my mind I knew if I ever got her pregnant I'd be sucked into the same 'go nowhere but the corner' lifestyle she lived. And what happened? I was so terrified of getting her pregnant, for about 2 months I couldn't get a boner when I was with her. (Unfortunately I did cheat on her...but I was jubilant when I realized I could properly fuck any girl EXCEPT her). My point is, our little phobias and mental idiosyncrasies can fuck with us to no end. But there's always a way around it. Good luck!
