I don't get it? Mostly for men.

Why is it men (mostly my husband) can be such assholes about sex? Sorry to offend but....here is the deal. I am married with 2 small kids (10 & 7). My husband likes sex alot (DUH) but the problem is he always decides he wants to have sex at the WORST possible times and then when I say no he gets mad and pouts like one of the kids. He also makes me feel like shit because I won't fuck him right then and there!! WHY!! The situation happened a little while ago and this same situation has happened alot in the past. I am in the kitchen doing dishes, cooking whatever, the kids are in the living room watching t.v., playing doing what kids do and he decides he wants sex. I don't feel comfortable having sex in the kitchen with the kids awake. I mean I consider myself to be a pretty risque kind of girl but c'mon! I have told him MANY times it makes me uncomfortable to have sex when they are awake....especially if they are in the living room and we are in the kitchen. I don't mean to hurt his feelings....he takes it like I don't want him at all and that is not the case. So then I end up feeling like the bad guy and he stays mad the rest of the evening. Aside from telling him to fuck off and get over it.....which I have done, any sugesstions on how to deal with it. Again I have told him why I don't want to do this, that it is not him, I just feel uncomfortable.

 

It's not only men, I know a lot of girls like that with guys not like that.

Anyway, I agree with it not being the most appropriate time and place, but maybe you can reason with him and ask to move it to the bedroom.
With the kids preoccupied for a while, why not? I mean, he should be able to see it from your point of view as well.

 

IMHO, you both need to sit down and talk. I understand that it has been going on, but it seems something has to change. Be mindful of his feelings and why he feels rejected. He also has to be way more considerate of your feelings. I know that I love sex at any time. I want my wife to feel the same. I am aware that most of the time it is inappropriate, but I would still like to know she feels the same. I do sometimes feel dejected, but it should be an understanding (Especially with young kids) that it has to happen when appropriate (or at least more appropriate). Maybe grab him by the hand run into the bathroom, lock the door and do him right then (I liked it) and continue on. Good luck with everything.

 

House chores make women irresistible, IMO. That, and when they are being lazy, unhappy, needy, couch potatoes, with a cold, and drunk or on drugs.

 

I have tried many times to explain to him that is isn't that I don't want to have sex, just obviously it is the wrong time. Last night I told him to give me 2 minutes to get the kids occupied with a movie or something and we would go at it, but he pouts anyway. It is like if I don't drop my pants right then, he gets pissed. I don't mind the secret behind the bathroom door sex, the quickies, what have you, but when the kids are 30 feet away, it isn't going to happen. He gets mad if I say "Let's go to the bedroom/bathroom". I just feel like I am beating my head against a wall. I really don't think I am asking for too much. It just doesn't seem like he is even giving me a chance. Quite frankly I am starting to NOT give a shit if he gets pissed. You would think he wouldn't WANT to have sex where the kids might see or hear. I mean most kids at some point walk in on parents having sex, or hear it from another room....BUT to literally do it when they could turn their head and see it....NO!!!!!
P.S. Sorry for the rant but had to vent for a minute.

 

I'd tell him to basically fuck off. It takes two for a relationship, why should his wants and feelings be met and not yours? I'd be pissed if I were you, he shouldn't be making you do something that makes you feel uncomfortable like that.

 

He's being a prick about it, you should let him know that. What he's doing is really immature, he's a dad and he should sort out his priorities.

 

I'm wondering if getting caught by the kids is some sort of turn-on for him....

 

1. She has told him to fuck off... she's asking how to make him understand and not feel rejected that she won't have sex when the kids are awake.
2. He's not making her do anything. That would be rape.
3. You fail at giving relationship advice.

 

1-I realize that. I was saying she should be more firm with it, maybe he should feel a bit rejected and maybe he'd stop acting like a 5 year old.

2-You're an idiot. I didn't say he was 'raping' her, I said -and as she clearly stated-he's making... sorry, guilting her into doing it, which she feels uncomfortable doing when the kids are there.

3-I never said I was good, I just offered my opinion.

 

Does this mean that he always wants more sex than you? Even when the kids are not an issue?

 

maybe surprise him by introducing another girl into your sex life...he deserves it after you have made him feel like a loser..the poor bastard

 

Doesn't it feel so much better now that you apologized? I forgive you.

 

Sunshine74 how long have you been married?!

 

I just meant most men want sex alot.
His sex drive used to be way more than mine but since we have gotten older, it is about the same. For him the kids never SEEM to factor into it. I think part of it with him is the spontaneous sex. Fine and I do understand that and want it....but not that second!

 

This June we will have been married 17 years.

 

If the kids being occupied is an issue, try to find a babysitter, or maybe a friends house for them to go hang out at for a few hours. While it is annoying as hell that your husband wants you to have sex at the worst possible times in less than desirable places, my guess is he justs wants to KNOW that you still want him. Send the kids away for a couple of hours and explain to your husband that NOW is a good time to have sex in the kitchen. Enjoy each other while the kids are away in all of the places you considered having sex in your home, but never did because timing, kids, whatever.

Next time he approaches you lay a kiss on him that will leave him weak in the knees and whisper "later, you are mine" in his ear. People want to feel attractive and desirable to their partners, some of them just don't know how to get the positive attention without being annoying.

He pouts because it works for him on some level. Maybe in the past you have given in to his pouting and moping about so he thinks it will still work. You have been married long enough to know that things really won't change much unless you really make the effort to change them. If it pisses you off, and is worth the fight, then confront him and tell him to respect your space. If it is something that usually doesnt bother you, and occasionally you find it flattering then find a way to make it work for BOTH of you.

I am a married mother of two (16 and 11) and I understand how sometimes men just don't get it. I also understand that it is really easy to put off a partner sexually using every excuse in the book. Be careful not to end up there......

 

maybe it's not really sex he wants. maybe it's a power play. you don't drop trou instantly and submit to his desires, so he doesn't feel like the giant stud he wants to be. it could also be a pervy thing. having kids watch you or listen to you having sex should be a big turnoff for any normal man. another possibility is that he thinks doing this makes you feel more desireable and sexy. yeah, guys can be lame like that. :tongue:

 

That's probably your own experience. I'd be careful with those generalizations. I've been in relationships in which I wanted sex less than my female partner.

I asked because I've been in that dynamic before where one person is the sex initiator and the other is the rejector (I've actually been in both roles in different relationships). And while the kids may be the proximate cause in your case, sometimes the problem has deeper roots.

Anyway, good luck.

 

Rejection can also be used as power play. Though I'm not claiming that's the case with the OP. I'll assume not.