I don't hate the world anymore

It is kind of a cool feeling to be at peace with the world.

For many years I had massive anger at the world. It started after I lost my fiancee years ago. Then my anger grew as I lived on the streets for 4 years punishing and blaming myself.

I saw horror and looked at the face of evil. When I snapped out of it and rose up and pulled myself out of living on the streets, I focused on making myself a success at any cost.

Somehow in all of that I thought I lost my soul. It was like I had no conscience. No one mattered but me.

I looked around and saw people happy and it made me even more angry.

In the business world I had many people that I thought were my friends stab me in the back. This turned me even more cold in my heart.

So I focused on my businesses solely and was merely polite to people so I could do business with them.

After several years of struggle and sacrifice I made myself a successful businessman.

When I came to a threshold that I had more money than I could ever want, I totally isolated myself from everyone.

I had everything material but I had nothing inside of me but anger and turmoil. I was at the point of wanting to die. I had every intention of committing suicide and then something happened.

I found Internet forums about 5 years ago. That allowed me to talk and discus things with other people that I would never do in person.

Then after getting banned at another forum for publicly cursing out the owner of the forum, I found HF.

It allowed me to talk about my pain and feelings. Slowly that opened up something inside of me. That something translated into my real world.

Over the last 2 years I have actually come to terms with many things. It has been a wonderful experience.

I do not hate the world anymore.

I am sharing all this crap with all of you becase I want you to know where I came from and that I am no better than anyone else here.

One of my reasons for being here is to help others see the vast potential they have inside of themselves.

I want you to know that you can come from nothing or even the gutter and make something of your life.

If you are broke and struggling, you can rise above where you are now.

I waisted years of my life hating myself and others.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Forgive yourself and others and move on.

You can do it.

End rant.

EDIT: The first 5 pages of this thread have the entire story. After that it is mostly comments, and various Random thoughts of people talking back and fourth. I do appreciate and read every one, good and bad.


But after the first 5 pages I have not added any more information about my life or what went on.


Save yourself the trouble of reading this whole thread, unless you are totally bored out of your mind. Then by all means knock yourself out.

 

It is pointess to hate the world because it will never have anything but apathy for most of us. I came to that conclusion about three years ago.

 

Congratulations on getting where you are bro, that was actually pretty inspiring!

 

cool...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo9riZYUpTw"]YouTube- Peter Gabriel - Shock the Monkey (HQ music video)

 

I found the piece very inspiring up to "I do not hate the world anymore" but the last piece had a bit too much preachyness (just made that up) about it for me. Sorry but it's just a feeling I get when I read it.

 

I am saddened to read what you went through but I am encouraged to read where you are. Life takes us where it does and making the best of that is all we are able to do.

You have changed the course of your life and that in turn has changed the course of anyone who you have contact with. That is the blessing.

Thank you for sharing as it made my day far brighter and filled it with hope and optimism.

Life is good!

 

money can do terrible things to a soul...

 

Most people simply aren't equipped to stay centered when in possession of large piles of cash.

Most, but not all...

 

I don't know how sad it really is... had he not been able to get past the hatred of the world then it would have been sad but in a sense all that negativity was sort of a mountain he successfully climbed. There was a time when I felt really bad for people who had to deal with rough patches but a couple things have tempered that...

1- It's those rough patches that offer the best opportunity for growth.
2- People who never get tested in life tend not to get a real perspective on life/reality/whatever and end up being vulnerable to the smallest of setbacks.

Being stuck in shit may stink but that shit is the fertilizer for spiritual growth... and you'll be better for having gone through it.

 

For myself, the sad comes from the acknowledgment of the hardship and struggle and the sheer character that is needed in one to overcome the things in life that are the very making of us all. I feel that without really understanding in me, what someone else has done to get where they are, I have missed something that I could learn and benefit from. The joy and hope comes from the acknowledgment of the hardships.

It is not the easy things in life that form or influence what and who we are, it is the difficult things that we either grow from or are stagnant.

I do agree with you, that in life, I have gained the most from the very things that I honestly wish that I did not have to learn from. Such is the curve.

 

Thank you for all the replies. It means a lot to me.

It aways is incredibly hard for me to write about my past.

Yes, I knew some would see what I posted as preachy and yes it was.

But I have seen both worlds. Complete poverty with no hope to vast wealth. Incredibly different worlds.

I remember walking outside in the rain with no money or anywhere to go and looking through the windows at rich people eating at restaurants that cost hundreds of dollars per meal. Their one meal would have fed me for over a month. I hated them.

I know what it is like to have security actually follow you through a store or ask you to leave.

I know what it is like to not eat anything for 4 days. I experienced that many times.

So, I have a right to be preachy.

It is funny becase when I am in the USA or traveling somewhere, I can get out of a limo and feel the hate of others. Little do they know at one point in my life, it was me who was cold, wet and hungry, hating those rich people.

I also know that a lot of my posts convey a lot of arrogance. I am trying to work on that, but if you were in my shoes you might understand where that comes from.

This post was also an attempt to make some of you realize that although I seem like I am bragging about my life, I am just like anyone else.

No one gave me anything. I had to do it myself.

That is my message, preachy or not, you can make your life better. If you are hurting or in pain it is in your power to rise and you can be happy.

I am still not where I want to be as a person. I still have many things I need to change about myself. But if you consider where I have been, well I am real happy about where I am and am heading to.

I wish nothing but the best for all of you. Even those of you who I consider assholes.

 

loving and hating is a lot like smiling and frowning. it takes more muscle to frown. it takes a lot more to hate. loving, even just tolerating, it a lot easier on everyone.

 

sounds like someones got a batch the good stuff :ssmokeit:

 

No my friend. I am in the USA on vacation. No weed for me. I have not smoked in a week or so.

Got a half pound waiting for me in Belize. I will have to wait until August.

It is funny to me when I am not stoned here everyone thinks I am high.

When I am stoned off my ass, everyone thinks I am normal.

Fascinating.

 

lol

 

because they realise the pursuit of wealth and the pursuit of happiness aren't always the same thing (tho' for some it is, of course) ... human braincells ain't equipt to deal with being wrong.... especially when they've spent the last few decades believing it

gods bless 'em.

 

Happiness is not pursued as an endgame... it's found along the way. Folks who look at happiness as some far off goal will never be happy because they've been programmed not to recognize it. Marketers want it this way because people who look at bliss as being the sum total of amassed things will grease the economy with frivolous spending chasing the illusion that has been advertised.

 

unless they're the sort who find the game of pursuing money to be a lot of fun. i suppose they would be happy. i like making the perfect green chili recipe, they like making cash.

 

sweet nirvana... if only I had the credit rating to reach you

it's a fookin' odd world

lets have another spliff

 

:sifone: