I don't know how I can help my GF come out

My girlfriend came out to her Mother and sister two years ago, but hasn't to her father yet.

We've only been dating almost 6 months.

With her dad we don't really know how he's going to react. She's scared to tell him. We seriously don't know his opinions on gays and I told her to ask him just out of curiosity, and to help with the process.
It sucks when we're together and her father is around because we cant be lovey or even hold hands.

Any suggestions on helping her?

 

I would imagine that her mother would know how her father would react. Has your gf spoken to her mother about a possible outcome?

 

Maybe try writing him a letter? That way he can kind of react to the letter and not your your girlfriend first...it may let him calm down his thoughts a little before blurting out something hurtful.

 

As someone who recently came out to her parents, I can completely understand your girlfriend being scared. I can also relate to how you feel when you are around her and her father (who doesn't know) as my girlfriend also had to endure this until I got up the courage to finally tell my family.

If your girlfriend's mom is OK with it, that could probably be a fair indicator of how the father is going to take it. Although if she was a Daddy's girl, the oldest, or even the only girl, you may run into a problem with the Dad. (We know how they are!) My mom flipped out, and so did my dad. We are still not "OK" and I am sure that that is what your girlfriend fears for herself as well.

As for you, I'm sure you're tired of pretending that you are not seeing his daughter whenever he is around. And I'm sure you don't want to hide how you feel for her and you want him to accept not only how you feel, but how your girlfriend feels. Therefore, don't push her to tell him. Let her make up her own mind as to how and when. There is not really much you can do to help her other than support her and love her and be there, no matter what the outcome is.

I wish you the best of luck, both of you!

 

I agree with AbstractIrony.

I have a number of views on this subject. I fell madly in love with a girl who was in the closet. So, I know it is hard to be with someone who can't figure out how to come out to their parents. And it's not something you can push on someone, it's something they have to do for themselves. In my previous closeted relationship, I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. It was hard to watch her struggle with the coming out thing. It's hard when you're on the side of having come out. Ultimately, I don't know anyone who has regretted coming out to. They may have had really bad experiences, but in the end the release of coming out always seems to be worth the trouble. But you can't see that until you have come out. This girlfriend finally came out to her parents when I broke up with her. Came out to her whole family. Her parents dealt with it the worst, but are finally accepting it. But what she found was that her aunts and uncles and cousins were all very supportive even when her parents were not. I tried to tell her that when we were together. I knew her aunts and uncles would be supportive. Her parents didn't have a problem with gay people, it just took them a long time to be okay with a gay daughter. Her aunts and uncles were all supportive of her from the beginning. I knew they would be. But she had to experience it before she could see. I couldn't have made her believe that before hand.

My current girlfriend is not out to her parents. But the difference is her parents dont have an influence on her life. They affect her life, sure. And it is hard to watch her suffer from the fear of losing her entire family. But ultimately she is independent, and so their knowing or not knowing does not affect our daily lives. Sadly she is much more of an adult at the age of 22 than the other closeted girlfriend was when we were 24 or 25. So, It is hard that she is closeted, but more cause I just don't like to see her worried about losing her family. And like you, I wish there was something more I could do to help....but no matter how much independent of your family you may be....they are still your family. And we are all taught to seek our parents approval. Its one thing to chose to be independent of your family, it's another thing when that choice might be taken away because of who you love. That fear is real, and hard to console. The best I figure I can do, is let her know that I am here to support her in whatever choice she makes. I, also, try to let her know that I understand how scared she is, and that it isa completely valid. At the same time I try to reassure her that she is my family, and I know I cannot ever be the replacement for her family, but I will walk beside her in life and love her unconditionally. I, also, try to make sure she knows that I am proud of her.

Unfortunately, that is pretty much the most I can do. I, also, have never really met her parents. So, their influence in completely in the psychological realm. I don't have to deal with hiding my love.