i dont know what to do.please tell me what you think about this

i went home to our province as requested by my parents so i could finish school.. i got used to working in the city but followed my parents anyway. i kind of adapted my city life with my life in the province somehow.. i still was very fond of going out, flirting and drinking with new friends..

one day a friend introduced me to her friend and we clicked right away. i mean we got along really quickly that we talked til morn bout our lives. i was very comfortable sharing my life with him but i wasnt sure if i felt something romantic about it. i may just be glad to have found someone to talk to. he had been very open bout his feelings for me.. days after he would tell me that he already fell so hard and would send me gifts of any kind every single day.. i couldnt resist, it was so overwhelming. deep inside, i knew someday ill end it just like previous experiences.. i knew i would not be able to give him back what he wants. he insisted to me that he was not asking for anything in return. i wanted to believe him, it looked too sincere. i have not mentioned that he is my constant drinking buddy. it felt good drinking with him at first because that's when we really talk about all stuff..i trusted him like what he always told me to do. but as you know, some things happen when you are influenced with alcohol.. i tried to really resist, but i failed. i did not expect that he would get me pregnant. he was very happy with it but im not. from the start he knew im not romantically into him. i trusted him! right now im 4 months on the way, he is very very supportive of my needs but deep inside i know that i really do not like him. he would tell me to give him this child if ill look for a partner other than him after i give birth. he is now insisting himself on me! i dont know what to do or what to tell him. i pretend to other people that we are okay. but we are not. im so weak at this point. help..

 

I would set up boundaries. You can only see me in such and such days until the boy or girl is born. After day, visiting days with the child only, and so forth...

 

yeah.. i already told him that. he doesnt seem to listen. sometimes im nice to him to avoid further arguments but most of the time he really is getting into my nerves.. he acts and feels like we're in a real relationship. argh. i hate regrets...i feel really bad must be the hormones. thanks cherea.

 

Then, I would get a restraining order.

 

I do feel for ya...but I gotta say, it really angers me to see people who are careless "drinking buddies" end up having a baby on the way and aren't happy about it, when someone that would make a terrific parent like myself can't conceive...

You are having his baby and are stuck with him, unfortunately. I think you need to cool it with him for now and let things settle with emotions and whatnot...then revisit the issue when you both feel you can discuss it as adults and come up with a plan that would be best for the child.

Its not about your feelings anymore.

 

I feel the same aversion toward accidental pregnancies and marriages. Yet they appear to be the norm.

The world seems awfully thrown-together sometimes, and people awfully willess and spineless. That is why I get along well with people who are capable of firm, independent, decision-making.

 

LOL @ the frivolous restraining order idea.

You do realize that restraining orders are meant to be used when someone is in fear for their safety, which doesn't seem to be the case here.

You're encouraging her to set this dude up for major legal hassles and run ins with the cops, when she's going to need to rely on him for help with raising the kid.

Yeah it will certainly encourage him to back off, but if she ever changes her mind about being with him she will have permanently burnt her bridges.

Even if she decides to not stay with him, it's really in her best interest to leave on good terms. When someone brings the law down on you like that, you can never trust them again. Especially when it is done for a frivolous reason.

 

it seems like you are putting a lot of the blame on him. you need to take responsibility for your actions. part of that is accepting that, if you have this child, this man will be part of your life forever.

 

That sounds pretty harsh...
If I were you I would just suck it up and realise that this dude will be an extremely important person in your life for as long as you live, and think about what will be best for the baby, as the child should now be the highest priority in both of your lives.

 

Bad advice probably.

If you resent the father from the get go. The best thing for the child would be if you give custody to the father then get him to find another partner, as a Single Dad he shouldnt have any trouble finding chics.

OP has to make a clear distinction between in the long run what actually is going to be better for the child compared to what she or others think she should do out of guilt or duty or any other emotion centered on the the way the parent feels.

That sticking together for the sake of the kids sentiment, is always about how the parent feels, worrying about what everyone else thinks, what everyone else thinks they should do. Not about what actually is better for the kids. Better for them to grow up in a single parent household than in a loveless or bitter one

 

Simple question! You said you weren't happy with the pregnancy, no thoughts on an abortion when you found out? It would have been the simplest solution from your point of view.

 

if you are not interested, then tell him so. i don't see what is so difficult about this situation.

 

She's not interested and you do not see the difficulty? They you are an idiot! OP: You are being selfish. I feel sorry for this guy and the baby. Very much! This guy sounds like he very well may end up being a good father except that you will obviously get in the way of him proving it. You are scared and you should be. The fact that you are scared is a good thing for any new parent. But you need a level of maturity that I am afraid (for the child) you do not have yet. For the record. He does need to understand that you re not interested in him. That will be hard. (The idiot who said to get a restraining order is someone everyone needs to ignore and I hope you do). Kids need both parents in the same house. Parents who have a healthy relationship BEFORE they even think about having kids. (accidental pregnancy does not change that rule for anyone except selfish people who should not ever have kids.) Get an abortion. You are too selfish and too immature to raise a child. After the abortion you need to work on yourself and take is easy with the alcohol.

 

Sex is great, until one of those involved gets preggy. Then they see how serious sex is.
It's not all fun and games without a cost.