I just realized it. That's all. I don't like it, but there it is. Soon I'll be living elsewhere, so maybe that will change, but his behavior is basically driving me out, away from my mother, my family, my friends, my home... So probably not. I jst can't stand him. He's negative, he's inconsiderate, he's selfish, he's mean, he's stupid but he thinks he knows everything, he never apologizes when he has hurt my mother and he just generally acts like a fucking tool every day of his life. He has depression and sleep apnea that he will do nothing about. He is fat, because he sits around and eats ice cream all day. He's unemployed even though he possesses multiple degrees, he is too afraid to go out and apply for jobs that would be worth his time, and instead applies for the shit jobs that turn him down because he is overqualified. Yes, he is a sad case, and I should be more understanding, but quite honestly, after years and years and years of this shit, I have run out of patience. Mind you, I've been patient much longer than anyone else has. Some have accused me of being TOO compassionate about him. But I'm done. I hate his guts, and I think the best thing for everyone involved, including himself, would be if he finally died from his sleep apnea. I am not proud of these feelings, but I can't stop them. I am hurt, because he did replace my father for a time, but he doesn't treat us like we are his real family- so much so that I feel like if I was his real daughter and my mother was actually married to him (they are commonlaw), then he would treat us like real family- the only family he really has because his own can't stand him. They won't even come see him or do anything with him unless they get something out of it. I'm not going to do anything, but I had to say it. I will continue to smile and be civil and cook for his unappreciative ass just like my mom and I always have, but when I'm out, I'm out. He won't be getting another fucking Christmas card from me. Not when he can't remember anyone's birthday or anniversary or Valentine's day or Mother's day. Fuck him. He doesn't give a God damn, so why should I? Ugh, I hate this feeling. It makes me feel so dirty.
I'm so sorry about your situation.Some people just never come to the "party" of life and there's not much you can do except live by example.Sad.Don't beat yourself up--it sounds like you've extended yourself much more than most people would.As they say--"you can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse".Take care.
Thanks for that. Just had to get it off my chest, really. Put it out there. See if it felt right. Weird example of what I mean: He shot a deer tonight. I asked him if he saved the heart and he said he gave it away, but if I wanted, he would ask around and see if anyone else had one to give away. Cute, right? I don't know. Sometimes I feel bad, because he has these moments where you almost think he gives a shit, and maybe he genuinely does during those small moments of clarity where he acts like a human being, but the rest of the time, he;s just a complete animal... It's so confusing.
Oh, I won't. In a year or so, I might be living a few states away. Far enough, I think, but will miss my family and friends... Wasn't expecting to be leaving so soon, but I really don't know how much longer I can stand it... 22 years old, guess it's about time anyway, huh?
You Got That Right YOUFREEME. Can't tell you how liberating it is to live on my own. I keep telling her to jump on the train lol. Having my own place has certainly changed the dynamic of my familial relationships, and even though some of them have definately changed for the worse, AT LEAST I DONT HAVE TO COME HOME TO IT. You can always live with me firefly:cheers2:
