I isolate myself for months at least once a year...

Every year since I was about 12 (I am 18 now) I would have, I guess I will call it an episode for now, where I isolate myself from everything going on in my life for long periods of time. And I don't know why I do this...

One of the most serious was, dropping out of highschool, quitting my job, and not leaving the house for 3-4 months. No friends, nothing. I'd avoid their calls and make up lies so I could stay in.

Well eventually I got back out and around people. I got into drinking everyday. I ran away (at 17) and got into drugs... I dont even remember the past year. I went back home and isolated myself once again. I havent gone out or seen anyone since the begining of august. Quit my job. Ignore everyone.

I know quitting drugs and all is good. I have not touched anything in 3 months. But besides that, there is this repetitive pattern in my life where I just quit and avoid everything, where I don't talk to anyone, and I do not go out or do anything.

At the age of 13 I isolated myself from my group of friends then too. They all didn't see me for like a year and I even heard rumors that I was dead from people.

Anyone ever hear of this before or experience this? Some kind of anxiety disorder? I want to get rid of this so I can actually do something with my life...

 

I won't claim to be a professional, or have incredible insight, but I will tell you my story - maybe it'll correlate with what you are experiencing, currently.

I have done exactly what you have been doing for years. I would sit in my room and do nothing but refresh a website for hours a time, become addicted to porn, and eventually becoming over the edge, mentally. I had no direction in life, and eventually even started to ignore my friends. ignoring my friends wasn't intentional, and I wanted to see them, but just couldn't bring myself to do so.

My health began to deteriorate, and became so sick that I was in the hospital for about two weeks. My depression was a major factor to my declining in health.

Sometimes you just need someone, or something, to articulate the problems that you are going through. I have found that talking to friends, listening to music, and reading certain books to be particularly helpful.

There is a specific song that drives all of those feelings that I have had, home. This songs name is Coma by Gun's n' roses. Regardless of what you like, in terms of musical tastes, I recommend a listen, and to read along the lyrics as you are listening to the song. The song is genius, and you'll see why.

Talking to friends is very helpful, and sometimes the best thing for the soul is to simply chat it out. These conversations can be either through the phone, the internet, or in person. Personally, I find talking on the internet to be easier than anything else, especially when it comes to expressing very intimate and emotional thoughts and feelings - choose whichever you're most comfortable with. It is important to just relax as to allow yourself to become comfortable enough to the point where you can be completely honest with yourself and your issues.

There has been a particular book that I have found to be incredibly dead-on when it comes to the crisis that you are experiencing, and that I have recently went through. This is a problem that is quite normal in regards to our current time-line. Civilization seems to have a way of developing new problems that simply aren't present in simpler ways of living. Anyway, the book that I am talking about is called: "Man's Search for Meaning" and it is by Viktor E. Frankl. I know you are a woman. And before you say anything, first know that man means humanity, itself, not literally a man (some people actually got that confused. I'm not sure if you will, but in case you do...). The link to this book is: http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/ref=pd_bbs_1/105-2904665-0956412?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1192959114&sr=8-1

It is a fairly short read, but it packs quite a punch, and I absolutely recommend it. It gave me an incredible insight to my own problems. It is a rather inexpensive buy, but for whatever reason you can't buy it - I'll buy it for you -- just ask.

Essentially, Frankl proposes that people turn to drugs and go within themselves because they lack purpose in their lives, or at least the perception of lack thereof. Everyone has purpose, but it is up to everyone to search for it by simply being responsible for your own existence.

You do this by -

1. Creating a work - doesn't matter what it is.
2. Getting to know others and accepting them for their difference (and even your own limitations)

there are others, but I suggest that you read this book.

This may be out there, but if you ever want to talk to anyone about these things, I will. Just pm me to acknowledge it, otherwise, no problem.


Anyway, take into account what I have written. And please do and try out my recommendations. It may give you some clarity to your confusing times.

Good luck to you, and don't worry. The most important thing to know is knowing that YOU WILL get out of this - it'll just take some time, and a will to do so. Since you're asking on this thread, then it seems that you do have will, but you just need the time and the faith.

A wise man once said:

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It's more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how to react to it. And so it is with you..we are in charge of our attitudes." -Charles Swindoll-

 

When you isolate, is it out of fear, anxiety, or inability to cope with daily stressors? Or is an apathy or depression kind of feeling?

 

Thank you def zeppelin. I am going to check out that song now. And I will try getting the book soon. As I quit my job, I don't know if I can get it right away. But thank you.

My physical health isn't bad, that I know of, I lost my insurance when I turned 18... But in the past I have been diagnosed with major depression. Although I believe that is a misdiagnosis. Put on Zoloft at first, made me sick and 25 pounds in 2 weeks (I was already a little underweight, but I eat fine). Went on wellbutrin, made VERY sick. I could not eat and I would dry heave and gag every second of the day, along with major migraines.

To Deviate, I am not sure why I am doing this. I don't know if it's fear, stress, or anxiety. I wish I knew.

I also turned off my cell phone this time... and deleted my myspace. So I could not get a hold of anyone, I guess?? I really don't know why I did this. But it's working on keeping me even more isolated now that no one can get a hold of me easily.

But it's very weird, when I isolate myself is when I hit my biggest lows of depression... But I also get these almost unrealistic dreams for my future. That I think about everyday. I can sit in my room and cry for hours listening to music. And the only thing that will bring joy or happiness is just picturing myself pursuing one of these dreams.

Right now that dream is to get my GED, go to college on the west coast, and live there. That one is a little more realistic, but not something I'd consider easy for someone who is currently in this isolation problem and state of depression. Especially when I dropped out of school in 10th grade. But I basically have every detail about where I want to live and all... I spend hours looking up apartments in the area, the culture, everything about where I want to live.

I just wish I did not isolate myself - I like being social. To the right people of course. One of my favorite things to do is just sit down and talk with someone about life, and other random things, debates, etc. And I cannot do this anymore.

 

I am not the type of person that tells others what to do, but this time I have to say something. The very first thing that you need to do is slowly regain contact with your friends. The worst thing that you can do is isolate yourself from the people that know you best. Friends offer support in more ways than one. They listen to you, and most importantly, provide their time and attention to you. The attention that friends provide is something that you cannot lack, especially in the current times you are facing.


At one point, I was slowly isolating myself from the people that I cared about the most. At this point, I contemplated disconnecting all ties from my closest friends, and forgetting about them, forever. When I thought about this notion, I realized that I was truly going into the deep-end. The worst thing that someone with depression does is to actually make their depression even worse for themselves, like putting up black curtains, keeping sunlight from coming in, and in our case, to disconnect from those that make us happy - you absolutely need to stop isolating yourself from your friends by first making it easier for your friends to contact you -- I am not saying that you should go head-first with this, but you should definitely, progressively, regain contact with these people.


Major Depression is pretty much contributed mostly, if not solely, by your thoughts. If you can control your thoughts, you can basically control your depression. The worst thing that you can do is to over-analyze the situation. Over-analyzing your situation leads you to tangents upon tangents - tangents that lead to nowhere, and that are not connected to anything. I am assuming that your thoughts are usually based on these tangents and over-analysis. This way of thinking is like shouting on top of a mountain, only to hear the exact rehash of what you previously shouted - It accomplishes nothing, and you realize, nothing -- It is the echo of uselessness, and should be avoided.

The best thing that you can do is to shut your mind up, and you shut your mind up by not expecting things to turn out exactly the way you want them to. Your perfectionism is getting in the way of living your life. You're so engrossed in your vision of what your life should be like, that you actually risk losing experiences that may fall before you. Goals are great, but they're only realized by being responsible for one owns life (or they may never be realized, and that's fine). What do I mean by being responsible, is to live life moment to moment, and to simply be active. Any activity is better than no activity. There is a natural path to life, some is controlled and some isn't. The only way to travel through this path is by being active or by moving, and you become active by actually CREATING a work for yourself, perhaps a work that doesn't make you feel anxious and is something that removes you from your own personal expectations. Life has an interesting way of taking you to a place that you never expected to arrive. No matter where life takes you, you'll be happy with its destination, as long as you continue to follow the path and to have faith in it.

Whenever you catch yourself over-analyzing, train yourself to think about more important things, like doing something that you enjoy and that is a bit challenging.

You find comfort in your day dreams because your fantasies contains meaning and purpose. Your problems, to me, seems to be deeply related to a lack of a sense of purpose, and can be corrected by actively searching for meaning by being active.

If you follow anything with my advice, follow the point that I made about keeping contact with friendships. That prospect may make you anxious, but be courageous and do it. If they need an explanation of your lack of contact with them, then it may be a good opportunity to talk to them about whatever problem that you have. If your friend is a true friend, then he/she will understand.


P.S. You'll definitely benefit from the book that I recommended, especially after I read your new post.

 

I've been doing the same thing all my life. A couple of times my friends have called my mother to ask if i was in jail or rehab. I don't know why i do it im aware of it but i still isolate myself.

 

I do the same thing, but not to the same degree. I will take calls from my friends or IM's and just make up an excuse not to hang out. I don't know why I do it.

However, when I'm out with my friends I usually have a great time. I don't know why it's so hard to push myself (or yourself) just to go out and see friends, but once I do it I can't help but enjoy myself.

You might have to even tell your friends you're having this problem, and just ask them to bother you to come out and enjoy life.

 

Dude I would totally listen to def zepp, he has been through this and out the other side.

Listen to his advice and as he says you can be on the right path.

I wish you the best of luck with getting on track mate Just go for it, only You can choose to.

One.

 

your seeking the void... why? you should know

many people today are doing the same, if you run into one doing the same, you'll find you get along incredibly well. You've probably had this happen before, you run into certain people you can just instantly 'click' with, even if temporarily. You'll also find that until you get to it, you won't be able to accurately interact with others who aren't doing the same. It's normal. I consider it a process of rejecting the past ego-structure of the currently failed US society. Many are doing it, there secluding themselves from those who represent it and perpetuate it, so they can get a glimpse of the new collective ego-structure forming. Non physically addictive drugs do help.

As good ol' Leary said "Trust your nervous system". It's the only connection to pure truth and 'higher' you have. Don't trust the sayings of your friends, your parents, your school. Trust your own feelings. There is incredible value in staying in isolation for extended periods of time if you know what you want to do with it. Construct your own purpose to get value out of everything you automatically do.

Metanoia or paranoia, you do have a choice.

and don't forget, theres many doing the same, begin to keep an eye out for them. Also, your last friends are probably psychic vampires, which is why your unconcious is telling you to stay away from them. Nothing is wrong with breaking off connections to people if the relationship doesn't completely support your feelings. There is nothing so fabulous about mere 'social interaction' that you should sacrifice any single aspect of you or what you want. In fact a HUGE process of many new spiritual movements is the process of cutting the strings, or as some say, literal strings of 'prana' tying chakras together between people, in a quantum entanglement sense. Cutting the strings to people doesn't mean you don't love, doesn't mean you can't hang out with them, doesn't mean you cant respect them. It just means your no longer going to let alter any feeling you have, and if they try to force you to do, then it's time to let them run there cycles seperate from you for a bit of time.

You will eventually find certain people who interacting with will provide you very obvious benefits.