I keep accidentally "acting single" - Advice thread

As soon as you're afraid of it you stop being sexy.

 

one too many pillows to the side of the head i'd say.

 

They don't? Definately quoted for truth then

 

^ Therein lies the problem

 

They will.

You're taken and you don't want to be annoyed/be an annoyance. They aren't, or are selfish attention whores.

But it is, because of the culture we live in, and the places you are choosing to express that sexuality. You won't have too much of a problem being sexy at the library -- you might get a friendly proposition every now and then -- but it isn't a "hook up" spot.

Like I said before, you just have to pick a position. Be friendly with guys and be put in awkward situations and lead them on (of no real fault of your own); find some new hobbies; or avoid anyone that is potentially single and horny. Only now you seem to want to add a new option: be a tease.

Your struggle with your position is because of the dissonance of it all. If you like what you're doing; just learn to accept it, and try to get better at turning guys down. If not; pick a pack and run with 'em.

 

Duck you *KNOW* I want to be a tease

One of my biggest fantasies is to be felt up on like a magic lamp at a sexy snuggle party

What I don't want to be is a cheater which is why any sense of mutual attraction makes me pull back into my shell

I also don't want to be an unwitting tease leaving guys feeling like they've been deceived into thinking I'm interested in them

What I *DO* want to do is go out and dance to the music I'm loving right now without having to worry about attracting any unwanted attention or advances

But apparently I'm toooo sexyyyy for that and since I do like what I'm doing I am going to have to learn to deal with it

 

What you want is an impossible combination. Like cold, beautiful white snow, on a warm summer, leafy day.

 

CD player in your living room. Dance studio?

I agree with Camille Paglia when she says a girl who goes home with a guy is giving him consent. Likewise, I think if you go into nightlife without your guy (and maybe with him), you`re giving consent.

I`m sorry, but your whole spiel about not wanting to attract attention is sounding increasingly hard to buy. It sounds to me like at best you have mixed motivations, and at worst you`re trying to make yourself believe a lie by lying to us.

 

Oh Cherea, I have nothing to hide

I want to fuck like an animal


I want to turn my tail up for every man that gets me hot

It's natural and I obviously hace some sexual repression issues exascerbated by my mother's conservative religious fundamentalism and my own insecurities; ie NOBODY was interested in me in high school (except my current boyfriend incidentally) and that's when most girls learn to deal with advances from guys

I have NEVER in my life had so many guys express interest in me as I have in the past few months and I think my ever-increasing lust for life might be a factor (which I WILL NOT supress)


I'm not lying or trying to convince myself of anything

Radical honesty + introspection = my motivation for this thread

Do you know that NOTHING in here is a secret from my boyfriend?

 

what does this have to do with having long conversations with random guys while neglecting to mention your unavailability?

 

The number of people who enjoy being the cuckold and pretend otherwise may be severely underestimated.

 

Ok my nervous discomfort about attracting men is a cuckold

I don't think you can possibly get on the same page as me

We are TOO DIFFERENT

You are bored with sexual interest because emotional baggage follows in suit

I am fascinated and terrified by it because my emotional baggage gets in the way of me accepting it

 

Aww.

 

Like Duck said, you want the chicken AND the egg .... and maybe bake a cake too ...

I think you better start to decide what it is you really want and go with that.

There's also a saying about missed opportunities .....

Now you're talking. So it's not about conversations with some dude in a bar.

You will not feel better until you make a decision that you can live with

Might you be trying to convince yourself that it's ok to roam the sexual landscape to fulfillment?

What does your boyfriend say to this? Is he up to an open relationship?

 

Hmm well I see how summing up all of my sexual frustration with my mother and high school really emphasises my [emphasis] resentments but I still don't think I'm being promiscuous sexually

And I'm not trying to open our relationship any further than it is

My sexual desires are no more to be ashamed of than anyone else's

I'm convinced of that


I've seen porno

Should I be ashamed that I'd sometimes like to get stuffed with another tool?

That just feeds the fear

I'd rather stoke the fire

I'm not wanting permission to "roam the sexual landscape"

I just want to let myself not worry about it

The only time it's an issue is when I do

 

Well, at least mentally you are.

Wether you are ashamed depends on you and you alone. Anyone else has nothing to do with that (unless you decide they do).

Same as above. You decide wether you want to be ashamed.

And how much you want to be influenced by other opinions.

One time you are convinced there is nothing to be ashamed of, then you're not so sure. You definitely need to make up your mind.

The fear of what? Being judged?

I believe you do want some kind of permission. You want the green light.

Otherwise you would have gone out already and done something about it.

What EXACTLY do you worry about?

 

K, if I knew what to *do* about my own fears I wouldn't have them


I can't multi quote very easily on here like you

But you honestly think that my brain is cheating????

So there's like no grey area between being a swinger and thinking about other people when you get yourself off

These responses that I don't agree with are getting annoying


Can you guys just keep it to yourselves

 

Kind of, yes. You also did say that you "want to turn my tail up for every man that gets me hot", so the intent is there. Wether you act on it or not.

If you lock up an animal it will still be an animal. It just can't get out.

Ahhh .... is it getting uncomfortable in that bed you made? :sunny:

Ok then, I'll leave it at that ....

 

If it wasn't uncomfortable it wouldn't be in this thread

I just decided to dig into my fears and hangups so I'm running with it

My "intent" that you refer to is my sexuality which is lovely it's my brainpiece that's in the way

I am quite beerful at the moment so my brain is a little bit spilling

And this whole thing evolved when that guy that I liked was interested in me because there was a flash of euphoria at the thought of being with him for a moment so it did turn the issue from :it's awkward when a guy likes me: to :it's awkward when I like a guy:


There is some desire for sexual freedom in me to be sure, but I'd be perfectly content to just be able to dance without thinking somebody's might want to get me naked

 

teasing is an attempt to provoke a reaction

so i'd say any implication of your dancing

it just comes with the territory.