so, maybe, somehow, someone here knows i have a whole slew of undiagnosed mental problems. anyway. i am having a "schizo" episode right now, i think i might get a panic attack soon, and i really can't keep doing this. i need to get my head straight. i can't live this way. i'm scared, i'm shaking, i just stopped crying. i have no idea right now what reality is. i don't know who i am. i can look in the mirror, or look at pictures, all kinds of pictures, and not identify any of them as being me. nobody i know, i really know. they are just as unidentifiable as myself. today, and this happens sometimes, but, colors... like i know, i think, that the sky right now is a blueish gray color. that is the truth. but i look out, and i can see yellow and purple and green in the sky. i have seen colors today, and wondered, "what is that purple thing in the bushes?", and then looked again, and there's nothing there. when i tried to go to sleep, i put the blanket over my head, and there were waves and explosions of colors and depths and patterns and movement through space. i do not feel real. i do not know what real is, or what it feels like. i'm sober. i think i might be just venting. i think i don't even know what i'm doing or if this is normal, or what. i need to go see a doctor, i really need to. i used to think, i WANT to fall out of reality, it will make me smarter or more creative afterwards. but i don't understand reality enough. i feel like i NEED to go see a doctor RIGHT NOW, i need to get out of here. i am incredibly, unbelievably, inconcievably uncomfortable right now, being here, in this life, and place, and mindframe. how do i get help? i don't know what to do... if i see a doctor, and they give me their pills, will life ever get better? damnit. i'm sorry if i'm freaking you guys out, but i have no censor right now.
Pills probably wont 'fix' you but they can help eliviate symptoms long enough for you to work out what the best course of action for you is.
i feel the same way as you. i dont know what to do to feel 'normal' again, but to just wait and wait and stay clean. if you went to the doctor youd probably get anti-psychotics i dont really know. i suggest you get some 5-htp from the health food store, they seem to be the answer for almost anything. if you havent been doing any drugs, and your parents arent shizo's, then maybe you should search google for "Caffeine Allergy". it causes "schizophrenic like symtoms". i know, i have it and its a major mind fuck if i accidentally drink a coke or eat some caffeine products. my mindfuck right now is from somthing else as the moment. aigh, just a suggestion.
that makes a lot of sense, if i do have a caffeine allergy. because i had a headache and took some pills that had caffeine once, and they made me hallucinate. my mom's not schizophrenic, but i really would not be surprised if my dad was. thanks.
i became allergic after years of insane amounts of caffeine daily. also, it takes about a month to completly feel more 'normal' after having ingested your last dose of caffeine. thats why its hard for people to pick up on, and some people live their hole lives out being diagnosed for schizophrenia, then when their like 40 they found out it was caffeine, and they say there life had just begun when they stopped caffeine. i had 'psychotic like episodes' too, i beleived i was taken by aliens as a child and i belived soo much i was shaking in terror running around the house. as well as shifting states of counscness (hard to explain what thats like). feelings of loosing your grip of reality. like your perception might fall out of your head onto the floor, and you have to try to make sure it doesnt. do you drink alot of coke, coffee? i just dont whant people to go through what iv had to go through from somthing as crazy as coffee, and coke.
man, i had that kinda crap intensively 4-5 months ago, and it lasted a good 3-4 months, i had trouble being in reality, in ye know... life... not just periods of the day, everyday 24/7 on a lapse of 3-4 months, even in my fuckin dreams i was afraid of reality, not afraid, but out of it... i'd sometimes forget how to speak to my family, i would just gaze at nothingness without saying a word, cause they didnt seem to exist in my head... its hard to describe, this intense disconnection from "reality"... i had lots of suicidal thoughts, some really intense periods where i would just try to fuckin get it out of my head by introspecting on wtf is wrong wit me , id even cry. i never did anything about the situation i had... never wanted to take pills and stuff, cause i knew that this was something i had to fix in me, my mind. I would talk about it to my mom though and it helped me feel better i guess. . . it finally slowly vanished, but man those were the most intense months of my life. it was like being in a natural psychedelic trip
peter popper: i really don't drink soda or coffee, the only thing i can think of that has caffeine in it that i like is tea and chocolate, and i don't drink that much tea or eat that much chocolate. still, it's a possibility. i understand the "shaking in terror running around the house". i have done that so many times. and shifting states of consciousness, trying to keep control of my perception and make sure i know what my body is doing. stebo32: i think i know what you mean about your family not existing in your head. sometimes i'll be sitting in my house with my family running around and suddenly realize that this is my life, and i have been completely unaware of where i am and who surrounds me for days. it's not like i physically thought i was somewhere else, but i didn't have a sense of "being" where i was; i've been living in my mind and the only contact i've had with the physical world is my visual distortions of what i see. and i'll just lose my automatic responses. you know how when you feel "normal", you can kind of talk without thinking about what you're saying? i'll feel like everything someone says to be is incredibly bizarre, and my responses will seem just as strange, as if i'm hearing it all from a perspective outside myself. i went to therapy, once, mostly just to break the ice with people around me and get it sort of in the open. i don't think they can help me, though. i'm really glad to hear you went through the same thing and worked it out by yourself . that's inspiring to me, because you're a really smart guy who i respect and i'm happy you didn't go "crazy", you seem more in touch with "reality" than most people.
i really like how u described the talking... it was the same thing for me, i'd talk to someone, but it wouldnt feel like i was talking to someone, as absurd as that sounds, i would be a visitor of my own consciousness, simply experiencing whats going on from outside my mind, i would just listen to my own self (but it was as if it wasnt even "me" that was talking). i was just outside of my body looking at myself talk from a different perspective in other words. kinda like u described. and it would often result that id stumble on my words and even sometimes just space-out and stop talking in the middle of a conversation. people aroud me were like aliens, i mean... i was always like "wtf?... what are we? what are they? what is this?. wtf?... which would always result to *what is life?*" im sure you'll get out of it fine seriously, something i found that helped was meditation... ye know, simply block the crazy thoughts coming through your head... and join the absolute of the universe, and once there try finding out what makes ye think like that... why you are in this situation. it always made me feel good once done. thanks for the words ... i really think youre a very smart girl , and thats why i know youre gonna get out of it real fine. besides ye prolly already know there's things to learn from anything, once you'll "snap out" of it, youll have gained even more wisdom from that state of mind you were previously in. i kinda came to think this kinda stuff happens to those of us whom are extremely open-minded...
Pills will help panic attack. I was on prozac for a while and it worked very well. As for schizophrenia meds can help but they don't cure. But from what we've learned is psych, the modern medicanes for it are very good.
i don't think it's schitzo... I've had what you've described and I was told (by my shrink) it was my massive anxiety and crappy coping skills. My uncle is Schitzophrenic, from what I've learned auditory hallucinations are bigger than the visuals. See a doc, they might give you something like ativan or clonazapam which is really good for a short term fix you you can figure out a decent long term fix in an ok state of mind.
for somthing less extreme, whether helpfull or not, i recomend 5-htp (you may have heard of this before) -easily obtainable from health food store(not Pharmacy) it builds serotonin and helps with repetitive thought disorder and ocd and depression and anxiety and so on, howver it feels so naturally nice unlike zoloft and the so on. try st johns wort with them aswell, they help relax and calm. i got some more a few days ago, im feeling alot more normal and sane, and my thoughts are finnally more free. good luck
5-hydroxytryptophan. i think thats right spelling. its a precursor to serotonin, or somthing like that.
