I need

A coffee shop just for me and a date in a couple days. How do I get other people to leave?

Fart?

Yell "fire"?

James Brown routine?

Ask politely?

Bribe?

Write district congressman?

Coffee shops in New York are always so horribly crowded. Ugh.

 

make a fake coffee shop just like fake tea parties

 

That would take too much time. But thanks for the idea.

"There's a new sheriff in town."

I think that's what I'ma yell at the top of my fucking lungs. They'd be stupid not to leave us alone to make out.

 

make your kitchen into a "coffee shop"

farting won't clear anything out unless you have some serious digestion issues
it would probably just ruin your date
yelling fire might work, setting a fire would work better

 

out of the 9,000 coffee shops I am sure you can find one with a sufficient privacy

i don't approve of farting in front of girls

 

How about that technique when you fart (after eating a panfull of black beans) and say "Oh SHIT. Somebody FARTED! DISGUSTING!"

 

i have done that, but to take it a step further I often pull out a gun and shoot the alleged farter

 

That'd be problematic. But I could use a lighter, you know?

Burn it in front of the accused. There is no denying it then.

Dumb ass New Yorkers!

 

ok well since the fake coffee shop is out of the question i vote for threatening the district congressman with the james brown routine if he doesnt clear of the coffe shop with his own burning fart.

 

There you go! Synthetic thinking for you! My girl will be impressed!

 

i feel as though i have accomplished something.

 

Yes. You've just gotten me laid!

 

ooh i even got a thumbs up! well now you get a computer

 

dammit the icon didnt work

 

The one that smilie throws the computer?

Aw.

 

I'm saucey with the coffee shop, especially for a day2. I'd say, buy the coffee then do it moving.

 

Right. There is a PARK across the street.

Make out centrale.

 

This ain't no day two but I already made out with her.

So it's an accelerated variation of day 1.

 

this was going to be my suggestion....

 

Nice. I'm assuming you number closed her as well. Comfort and rapport... my most hated stages.