it's 6 o clock and I'm drinking by myself beause no one seems to really come around anymore... I was looking at my ex boyfriend's myspace and he is in a relationship and that bothers me. Why? I dont know. I love my boyfriend, we're practically married. I don't know what i expected him to do, wait around for me? that's just silly. I feel so depressed today, I don't know why. Sometimes I think I might actually be depressed and maybe just covering it up??? Hiding it from myself??? I wish... so many things. I confess that I don't know who I am, I let others define me, while trying to stay true to myself. I am a condradiction. I think I cancel myself out. I don't exist.... I feel like there's never anything to look forward to anymore.. I pictured my life so different than it turned out to be. I'm a frickin secretary for god's sake. I dropped out of college after one semester. I feel like my friends all hate me. They are bored with me. I try to be... me, and maybe it's getting old. Maybe I'm getting old. I'm so sick of the bar scene, but I know tonight I will probably go to the bar. I don't do hard drugs anymore but sometimes I wish I did. I want to just escape.... I guess that's why I drink so much.. I need to get away. What if I just left?? Ran away to Mexico and became something... exotic.. like a belly dancer.. Is that Mexico? where do they belly dance? ok now i'm drunken rambling. and i'm not exactly sure what I confessed but I feel better. Thanks for reading my ramblings, whoever you are reading this right now...
awww sorry to hear everythings feeling the same. most people go through that at some point. im generally useless at advice but i would say a) add something new to your daily routine, eg. get up 30 minutes earlier and go for a run. and b) go somewhere to meet new people, a gym, art class, anything. if you do new things, life will seem less samey
Hey hows it going? I read your nice ramble here, and got to thinking. It's really easy to step back and look at live and see all the negative going on around you. Although I dont know you, from what you said it doesnt seem that bad. I mean it could be worse...you could have a deadly sickness, or live in extreme poverty. I know it's hard to do, because I struggle with this too, but you need to look at all the good things you have going for you. For one, you have a job. Thats better than 6.8 million Americans. It may not pay what you want, but Im sure there are tons of people who would love to have the oppertunities that you have. Also, you a ridiculously cute . I guess my whole point here is that life will seem shitty if you let it. Find things you like and surround yourself with them; family, friends, sports or hobbies, whatever it may be. For me, I finally joined a club hockey team. It was the best decision ever. Not only do I love to skate, but I get to release all my anger from the week. Try to find ways to remind yourself just how lucky you are, and Im sure things will start looking up . I hope my advice helps a bit, and if you want any more, feel free to ask.
you gotta shake that feeling of death as i call it off. change it up like ole boy said... Maybe not with a run. Fuck That. but anything hell a different bar I dont have but a couple to choose from anyway. I know how the feeling... Im a fuckin cook in a resturaunt... Hee haw shake it off. Life goes on
"Anyone desperate enough for suicide...should be desperate enough to go to creative extremes to solve problems: elope at midnight, stow away on the boat to New Zealand and start over, do what they always wanted to do but were afraid to try." not saying youre considering suicide, but i think its a good quote none the less and that you might be able to get something from it.
