Hey everyone. I am glad this group is here because I need some advise and I don't know who else to speak to. I guess I should start off by letting you know I am confused. I am not sexually confused, I have never been attracted to the same sex and if I were I don't think I would have the ability to act on it. In the past I have been with many women but recently I have been having some trouble. I am an effeminate guy and lately behind my back people have been saying I am gay. Just to show you what I have been experiencing I will tell you some stories. I was at a party one night and there were a few girls in a group. One of the girls looked interested and approached me, we chatted for a couple minutes and in the middle of conversation one of her freinds came and whispered something in her ear. As soon as she finished whispering they started to walk away, without finishing the conversation or saying goodbye. As she left I could hear her say, "F*ck could somebody turn that guy normal for me." Recently there was a new girl at work who was interested. We chatted on and off for about a week and I was about to get her to my house. As we left work together I stopped to use the bathroom. One of my co-workers pulled her aside and they started to talk. When I got out of the bathroom I heard the new girl say, "Nobody gave me the memo". They were walking towards the parking lot almost trying to outwalk me. She hasn't spoken to me since. I have many more stories like these. They happen to me on almost a daily basis. I am a handsome guy and I can see women look interested and then have a look of disappointment when they see me act effeminate. I think a lot of people think I am gay and in denial. I want to know if anyone else has or is experiencing this and what they do about it. Please give me your honest criticism. Thanks for reading.
Have you thought of looking for a new circle of friends? Sounds like you're hanging out with a bunch of assholes.
esuos eno: I am not sure if I am gay or not. From reading this is that your opinion? That is a big reason I have posted this. Should I tell people I am gay even though I still have the desire to be with women? james: These situations are not from my freinds. This happens with random people throughout the day. I don't have many friends.
Gay and effeminate are different things (although they do overlap, as living in the Bay Area may have taught you). If you have no same-sex attractions, then there isn't any logical definition of the word that could apply to you. I would give you the same advice I would give to a gay person: Be yourself, accept that people are often not going to like that (although these girls may not so much 'dislike' you as they are indifferent towards you), and keep looking for people who do like that.
I dont know if your gay? There could be levels of gayness if you had a gay meter you could find out..
I know that you mean i have had this trouble as well with people telling me that i was gay and i was trying to hide that i was effeminate, i got realy pissed off with it to the point that i nealy quit my job. however they where plartly right, i was transgender and bisexual. i hope you don't have my problems being transgender sucks. one question, have you had guys hit on you?
being effeminate is seen as gay, people tend to forget that all people are different and it don't always make a person gay. i hope things improve for you.
I do... From what you've said I don't think you're gay, just somewhat androgynous. Which is cool. I've known people who everyone thought were gay who are definitely straight. None of them had such nastiness directed at them because of it though... I think what you need to do is try not to care so much about what other people think. As for those girls who just stopped talking to you altogether when someone said something to them, would you really want to be with someone so horrible and bigoted?
Hey Beto! There are always guys like you - guys who really aren't gay but spend like their whole lives having to tell people that. I have a good friend who has the same problem. He's pretty comfortable with his sexuality, so he just resigned himself to a lifetime of telling people "I'm not gay!" Once he starts hitting on girls, that helps them believe him. Here's the good thing about you: girls are constantly saying "God, why are all the good ones always gay?" What we mean is that our gay friends are good to talk to, and fun to hang out with, and are willing to put up with our weird chick blathering, and that's exactly what we want! Except we also want them to like vaginas. So once you convince these girls that you really do like vaginas, you should be in great shape! (And that's exactly what happened with these two girls, right? They were like "Dammit! Of course he's gay, he was way too cool to be straight." lol) Try just catching one of these girls if you see them again, or with the next girl this happens with, and just being honest: "If your friend just told you I'm gay, I'm not. I know, people think I'm gay all the time and it's annoying for me, but I'm straight and I think you're really pretty." They'll like your honesty, and they just might give you a chance to prove you're not just a gay guy in denial. (But don't let them catch you surfing gay porn! lol) ps I smoke the reefer too.
Cool thanks for the replies everyone. Anyone around here from the bay area want to hang out sometime hit me up. I'm looking for a surf bud with an extra board.
