I was a lesbian for a decade, now I want it all. Why? What is happening?!

I'm in my mid-twenties and recently ended a long term relationship with another woman. Since my early teens I've identified as a lesbian. I never had an issue with my orientation, never denied it, never disliked myself for it. I've also never had sex with a man. Now however, I'm beginning to question my gender exclusivity. I watch a lot of porn (always had) and I've always been turned on by all kinds of sex: heterosexual, two women, two men, more than two of anything...there really is no limit to what arouses me. Again, I never had a problem with any of this or felt bad or ashamed. I'm always been a pretty sexual person even though I never had the guts to go for any but the most vanilla of lesbian sex. I had fulfilling relationships until they weren't, and they ended. Anyway now that I'm single again after so long, I'm rather startled that I'm finding myself wanting to explore both men and women. A year ago that thought would've mortified me. But now I can't stop thinking about it, and am even taking steps to meet people. Not just men, but women and male/female couples. What is going on with me?! I met a man last week and had sex with him, and I enjoyed it. I met a couple, a man and a woman and sex with both of them, and enjoyed it too. And the thing this, I don't feel bad. I feel great! I'm not being stupid or irresponsible--I take common sense precautions before meeting anyone and when I do, it's always for drinks first to see if there's chemistry and things in common. I practice safe sex. And my experiences so far have been fantastic. But I know most people would be horrified if I tell them what I'm doing. I can't bring myself to tell any of my friends. Hell, even admitting that I slept with a guy (let alone a couple) would earn me gasps and stares. Lesbians don't usually turn bi, do they? I don't have any regrets, except that because I know how this would all sound to the average person I can't really talk about all this with anyone I know. I guess what I really want to know is if this is normal. Society would label me as a slut, but I'm not doing what I'm doing for attention or validation or depression or any of the usual things you hear about. I'm doing this because I'm curious about sex, and men and women. I enjoy sex and I'm not ashamed of that.

Also, how do I explain to people that now I'm interested in all the genders?!

 

My partner's sort of the same way. She's been a lesbian all her life, and was never interested in men sexually. Now we have regular threesomes with a guy, or foursomes with his girlfriend, and she's having the time of her life. I am too.

Just focus on enjoying yourself and of course, being safe about it. Don't worry if it's rare for lesbians to go bi. And don't ever worry about what people might think about it. Your friends don't need to know about it unless you end up in a serious relationship with a guy. In which case, they can be surprised all the want to be. It's more important that you're happy than what they might think about you.

 

This is probably a cultural issue here.

Why would you want to tell MOST people about what you are doing in the privacy of a bedroom? Why would you want them to know this? Is this any of their business? How can you possibly benefit from spilling your beans here?

Do MOST other people share with you the details of their sexual encounters? Why would you really want to know? How would you really want to react to it? Do your really care?

The truth is that most people do NOT really care about other people's sexual exploits. Sure, everyone likes to gossip, and appear to be well-informed, hence somehow societally-relevant. But no one really cares beyond that superficial level, simply because there is nothing in it for them.

You do NOT need to explain to anyone that you are interested in ALL the genders. What everyone wants to know is if you are interested in him or her? The fact that you may be also interested in someone else is a given. (They too, are...) No one cares about that.

So, let the others live their lives as they find fit. Admit to yourself that you really do not matter much to the others, despite the marketing driven media telling you that you happen to be the center of universe. Go about living your life. Try not to hurt anyone, and make sure no one hurts you.

And leave other guys to their devices. They'll take care of themselves...

KD